Part 31: While it's true that we're not very subtle
...I would probably date Pip.
Really, we all would, if we had the chance. Anyone who says otherwise is a damn liar.
This one's huge! I went MAD, I tell you!
Update #30: While it's true that we're not very subtle
Our adventurous party sallies forth!
So I'm not altogether sure I really get this place.
Well...we're in a jungle with a temple in it, all of which is in a big tree in a magically temperate portion of the cold and desloate north.
This all really sounds like Marty's field of expertise. Besides mind-altering substances, that is.
Truly. We went through what's commonly called a "plot-device portal."
A what now?
...by that I mean that this tree is ancient and powerful, holding within it the spirits of ages. What it can and cannot do is...beyond our comprehension, I think.
Pah, trees. Little men already know Urggzob's skills in lumberjackery.
Hold on a minute, my "filthy unwashed savages" senses are tingling.
I've got this one.
I bet they like bongos! Jungle tribe-type people like bongos, right?
Hold on, everyone. This...I think we should try to take care of this temple with a gentler hand than we usually do.
Be still my heart. Are you suggesting a reasonable plan for once?
I say we all agree to it before he changes his mind and starts blowing things up.
Of course it's reasonable; I came up with it. Clobberella, sneak into that little group of cultists there and gather some information.
Eesh. It's a change of pace, at least.
Good luck, Clobby!
...I REALLY should have found a better hiding spot...
By the Gods, they found her! Abort plan A, it's time for plan NAPALM!
We were SO close to something clever actually working.
Urggzob prefers fireworks to skulking.
Fireworks are pretty!
Amazingly, Napalm, your fireball didn't destroy their clothes. Take a look at this.
Interesting. Mr. Napalm, do you think...?
I certainly do, my good man.
Urggzob would like to question these disguises.
Certainly there's no way any snake-men could see through this. It's simply far too clever.
Marty's got it, you loveable savage you.
Quick, everyone! Act inconspicuous!
It's not working.
Nonsense! You're just not acting unnoticable hard enough!
Ten minutes later...
I think perhaps we should review our disguise policy.
These robes are comfy.
Thank you, Pip. We're miles closer to a workable solution now.
That's what I'm hee~ere for!
I wager that these..."disguises" will only work inside the yuan-ti temple.
Urggzob feels naked without his armor.
Thank the gods you're quite a ways from actually BEING naked.
We backtrack to the temple entrance.
Before we go, I'm curious what all these indentations are for...
Maybe this thing...thing that I found has something to do with it!
What did you find?
Well, give it a try, man. No sense thinking too hard about it.
What you've just said characterizes far too much of our adventure.
Hurray, it fits! And before you say anything, Clobby, NO that's not supposed to be sexual.
I shall hold my bitter, sarcastic tongue then.
Clobberella, there's several more spots for these things. Be a good girl and scurry about the jungle finding them, will you?
...Damn you, Napalm.
Oh look, an altar to desecrate. Works for me.
OH HELL EARTHQUAKE
Did you guys feel something?
I can't STOP feeling things.
Me neither! High five!
Nothing but jungle oddness, I'm sure.
Urggzob does not think jungles are as fun as brocures make them out to be.
Oh, you're back. Took your sweet time.
Aww, there's still half a statue missing!
Pahh, statues and pillars are rubbish. Urggzob does not think they matter.
You may be right. Let's just look into the temple for now.
And so, they did...
Not a bad place. I like the masonry, but it's really asking for a certain something more.
I hear you there. Tapestries, throw-pillows, something. Really, this is a pretty sparse ancient evil temple.
What is it, Clobby?
He he he.
Surprisingly well-handled, Napalm.
Thank you, thank you. I told you, I will make this deception gig work out for us.
Hear that? That's lots of cultists. Lots of cultists who in a strange twist of fate aren't attacking us yet.
This "you acting humble" thing is really taking some getting used to, Mr. Napalm.
My magnificence covers many areas, as you can see.
That's more like it.
What was all that about traps?
Pah, no worries! Urggzob fears boredom more than any traps!
Don't think he saw that one coming.
Seriously, Pip? Puns?
Whoops, that one was an accident. Sorry!
Sawblades are bee stings to Urggzob! ONWARD!
Let him go. He'll be back.
Urggzob's flesh! It BURNS!
What kind of horrible snake-man puts fire floors in a temple? Urggzob is confused and furious! Confuriousused!
At last, Urggzob has stumbled into an excuse for violence! Ha-HAAAA!
Curiosity sated, Urggzob makes his way back to the party.
Okay, that time he definitely s--er, knew it was coming.
See anything interesting, Urggzob?
Saws. Fire floor. Angry lizard. Dead lizard. Saws. Little friends of Urggzob.
Comprehensive as always, chap. Shall we?
Look, the oblivious cultists are out in droves now.
Egh, cultists. Let's keep moving; religious types raise my bile.
So basically you've had heartburn since we got here?
And so we tread the halls, all but invisible in our robes of protection -5.
This is an alarmingly green mess hall.
Usually when Urggzob sees green there has been a terrible accident with paint, poison, trees, or poorly ripened bananas.
You don't strike me as the banana type, Urggzob.
Urggzob has seen things, little man. Horrible things. Horrible banana things.
That woman...she looks important, Heronius.
You think so? Then stand back and watch the overwhelming charm of Heronius Napalm V, esq. in action.
So? What was she like?
As with most of the cult and/or Legion related women we've met on this madcap adventure, I get the strong impression that I'll end up killing her in relatively short order.
Wow, that's not depressing or anything.
We also find...this place.
What is it?
Gotta be a vault of some kind.
Oooh, fun. Full of treasure and peril, I'm sure!
Hm. I don't fancy trying to figure this weird lock out myself, so let's ask around about it when we can.
And so we do just that.
Assassins, did he say? One moment, let me track one down and wring the information out of him.
Figuritively speaking! We're being sneaky, remember.
Was this the fire floor that Urggzob was complaining about? Pah, this is nothing.
Truly so, actually. Napalm has a high enough innate fire resistance that this trap hardly hurts him at all.
So we have the whole combination, then? To treasure!
Maybe we should get everything sorted before we loot all their things. Most people and groups tend to frown on that sort of thing.
Fie. Krusky, back me up here?
Sorry, Pip. Clobberella's got the right of it.
Well, it'll be like a birthday, then, only without the alcoholic relatives and awkward, silent dinners!
Not like you're repressing anything, though.
And so, we find ourselves at the chambers of the head priest.
Okay, so...gentlemen, where are you?
Out in the hallway.
Oh. Well, back me up here. I'm going to try and talk him out of this madness.
Bloody HELL. This just never works, does it? Come on, chaps, back to the good 'ol good old.
Hold on a sec!
I, uh, just figured everyone might want to, you know...get into their armor again?
So, we gird our collective loins for a big fight.
We're not disappointed.
Much as I hate to sound like a brute, this is what Napalm Company was truly made for.
Will you stop calling us that?
It does have a ring to it, hon.
Urggzob can be called anything, so long as he is allowed to rampage unchecked.
My input rarely has any effect, so I've learned to just not have opinions about these things.
Quite the fight, there. Of course, now that we're in the MIDDLE of the temple we'll have to fight our way out.
Not without getting that treasure, first!
Speaking of, let's check our spoils...
Swag I can use? Unheard of.
Well, chaps. Our efforts in stealth have been thwarted due to no fault of our own. Ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence?