Part 4: Nobody's Room

Update 4: Nobody’s Room

Looking back, it’s kind of embarrassing I didn’t include anything to accommodate screenreaders up to this point in an LP about disability . From now on, I’ll follow every picture with the text it contains to alleviate that; please let me know if that improves the experience.

Katawa Shoujo OST – Stride

I end up standing in front of the main building and the auxiliary building, although to my eyes, they still look one and the same. It's the first real look I get at the other students, so I watch people coming out of the school, going towards the gate or the dorms. Everyone seems to know where they are going. And I still keep thinking that most of them don't look too special for being students at a special school. Then again, neither do I. Does that make me one of them? One of us?

…

I should go somewhere too, to prevent me from getting lost. It's around dinnertime, but I feel tired instead of hungry. The weariness in me only grows as I trudge towards the dorms, set a little way apart from the main building complex.



There is a garden of sorts between the school and the dorms; shrubbery, flowers and that overbearing smell of fresh cut grass that fills the atmosphere. It dawns on my tired mind that the smell feels novel because I haven't been outside at all for so long.



The dorm building is big and made of red brick. Like the others, it feels way too pompous for what it is, so I push forward, going inside. It takes more time than necessary to fish out the key I was given from my pocket.




HISAO: "Room one-one-nine..."

Despite the ornate exterior, the inside of the dorm is fairly new, functional, and boring. Just like in the main building, the halls and doors are wide to accommodate wheelchairs. The same goes for the elevators at the ends of the hallways. I poke my head around the corner of the common room door. Inside a few students are watching the television. One nods and gives a quick 'hello' before turning back to the TV. Seems that only the girls around here are sociable. I suppose that's perfectly fine with me. I climb the stairs to the upper floor.

Here, small corridors branch off from the main hallway. Each of these minor halls seems to have a toilet and shower, as well as four rooms. About halfway down the hall, I spy room 119. The name plates on the rooms adjacent to mine are blank. I guess there are just two of us here. Light shines from below the door of room 117, so I knock lightly.


HISAO: "Hello, is anyone home?"

From inside, I hear a few movements, then the clicking of way more locks than I thought these doors had. After a moment the door squeaks open.

Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop (Kenji's Theme)



A bespectacled boy is standing in the doorway. He is looking at me very intently through his extremely thick eyeglasses.


KENJI: "Who is it?"

Blind? No, at least not completely, why would he have eyeglasses if he was?



He leans closer to me until our noses are almost touching. His breath stinks of garlic.


HISAO: "Hisao Nakai... I'm moving into the next room. I thought I should introduce my..."

His face suddenly brightens in realization, and he stands back upright, thrusting his hand out in a smiling greeting, almost straight to my diaphragm.


KENJI: "Oh, 'sup dude? The name's Kenji."


HISAO: "Ah, hi."

I take Kenji's sweaty hand and shake it, still a little rattled by the sudden change of attitude and vehement welcome.


KENJI: "There were some suspicious-looking people going in and out of your room earlier."


HISAO: "It was probably my parents."


KENJI: "Your parents? You sure? 'Cause they could've been some other people, too. You can't judge a book by its cover."

His out-of-place proverb is left hanging between us awkwardly as I try to think of some way to respond.


HISAO: "I'd say the chances are high enough."

He shudders and makes some exaggerated hand gestures.


KENJI: "You're a brave man, Hisao. Me, I don't think I could trust the chances. The only one I trust is myself."


HISAO: "Does that mean I shouldn't get to know you, either?"

He thinks about this for a while.


KENJI: "A wise decision.”




KENJI: "Damn, you are smarter than you look. Probably. What do you look like? I hope not smart."

He squints his eyes and leans closer again, but I lean backwards to dodge it.


KENJI: "Never mind, it doesn't matter."

With that, he turns, fumbles around for a moment in search of the door handle and shuts the door behind him. I slide the key into the lock of the door marked 119.

Talk about characters that hit differently now. We don’t have any insight into Kenji’s particular thought processes yet, so we can’t really talk about what his deal is, but… Let’s just say contexts change over time.

Katawa Shoujo OST – Nocturne



Bleak beige walls, white linen, a desk made of some type of light wood. Ugly curtains. It's no one's room; impersonal, like my hospital room was. My bags are sitting at the foot of my bed, looking a lot emptier than they did this morning. The closet is sitting open, stocked with my clothes. Also, it seems that there are a number of school uniforms hanging there as well. A note is pinned to the sleeve of one of the shirts.


Well, at least I don't have to worry about unpacking. I kind of hoped I would have, then there would be something to do. It's still too early. I put the note down on the desktop and lie down on the bed, feeling drained. Lying there makes me want to read something, but I have nothing with me. I wonder if the hospital conditioned me for wanting to read whenever I have nothing to do. The restless urge just keeps growing until I have to stand up. Maybe it's stress or something. I was pretty nervous about it before coming and for the entire day today too. I still am, I think. Damn, I have to distract myself somehow, so I won't be this unnatural all the time. Tomorrow, I'll go borrow some books from the library. Yeah, I'll do that. But for now... The bottles of medications neatly arranged on my night table catch my eye. I pick up one and shake it just to hear the contents rattle inside, and then read the glued-on pharmacy label.




It doesn't really say that, but it could just as well. It's kinda twisted, having your life depend on chemicals like this. I resent it a little, but what choice do I have? With a sigh, I begin my new daily ritual of taking the right number of pills from each bottle, being careful to check the correct dosages.

…

I lie down again, feeling hollow and uncertain, and after that I keep staring at the blank, unfamiliar ceiling for a long time. It doesn't start looking any more familiar, not even after darkness falls and long shadows draw across my room like fingers. The sheets feel slightly more comfortable, warm and nest-like against the chill that passes for room temperature here. Soon the lighter shade of darkness that is the ceiling looks like every ceiling does at night, and it becomes the only thing I recognize any more. The night beckons me to sleep, and I feel the coldness of unfamiliarity and fear creeping up my spine once again. I keep drifting further away from the world I knew.

Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles



I wake up in a strange room. Solid morning light shimmers against the light gray ceiling. I had forgotten to draw the curtains closed last night. I? This is my room, isn't it? My room... This is the third room this year that I'm supposed to call 'mine.' Various things around here remind me that indeed, it's me who is supposed to be the one living here. My bags on the floor, my new school books on the desk. My numerous medications on the night table. I stare at the bottles for a moment, deliberating, until I open a bottle, shake out a pill and pop out a tablet from a foil sheet. I down them with a chaser of water without thinking about the chemistry.

My uniforms are in the closet. I slink out from under the sheets and stretch my back before dressing up. Putting on a new school uniform feels like dressing in someone else's clothes. The artificial smell of generic detergent invades my nose, but the feeling of fresh cloth against my back is a good one, a natural one. It feels like a school uniform, as it should. It's not much different from what I used to wear before. That goes for other things too. So far, this place seems more or less like a normal school. Except for the people.

I think back to my talk with Kenji yesterday, Misha's constant laughter, and Shizune's sweeping sign language gestures. Well, I've only met three students so far. Maybe they aren't that normal, but I'm sure others are. Or, perhaps, people like them are what passes for normal around here? Yeah, what does pass for normal around here? What do people do? I didn't see a lot of kids hanging around after classes yesterday, so maybe there are clubs. If so, I wonder if I should join one.

All through class, the question remains on my mind, so I decide to ask Shizune about it when we split into groups. After all, she did say if I had anything I wanted to know, I should ask her.


SHIZUNE: "..."


SHIZUNE: "..."

Her sprite moves side to side, implying that she’s pacing.



I really do like the art in this game

She crosses her arms and shifts her gaze slowly to Misha, who looks more preoccupied with trying to grind the eraser of her pencil down so that the top is perfect and evenly flat.

Katawa Shoujo OST – Fripperies


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Ahaha~! Sorry, sorry, Shicchan~! Is there something you wanted from me? Oh~... I see! Hm... That's a good question, Hicchan.”

My first thought is that means she doesn't know, which is worrying. Maybe I'm being too negative. Well, anyway, Misha, please don't prove me right.


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Oh, that's right! Everyone is encouraged to join a club. A lot of people do so because there isn't really anything else to do. There are also school events, like the festival coming up in a few days. Almost every student in the school tends to help out with it, doing whatever. So~! You actually transferred in at a busy time... maybe you can help out, too~!"


HISAO: "Sure. What's the festival about?"

Misha freezes.


MISHA: "...Wahahaha~! I don't know, Hicchan, the truth is it's a local event, and I'm not from this area, so..."

She starts signing desperately to Shizune, asking her to bail her out. Shizune adjusts her glasses at the end of an oddly grandiose flourish and starts signing hard and heavy.

Their expressions flip repeatedly as they sign: Misha’s between neutral and dismayed, Shizune’s between neutral and smug.


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Huh? Oh.”




MISHA: "Who cares?”

Misha puffs out her chest as she shouts Shizune's words out at me with a disproportionate amount of pride. Too loud. I can see heads turning to look in our direction.


HISAO: "Not so loud..."


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Human beings evolve with each new generation! The ideals and beliefs behind a festival will inevitably change with time!"


SHIZUNE: "...!"


MISHA: "Now, it's about delicious fried food and amusing little games that you play to win prizes~! Hahahaha~!"

The teacher clears his throat very loudly, batting his long wooden pointer against his other palm like a baton. He shoots a pointed gaze at us. Finally noticing where we are, Misha stifles a yelp and quickly quiets down. Shizune doesn't seem embarrassed at all, though, brushing it off without a care.


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "We are in the middle of class, and should start working. That's right, Shicchan~! What? That's right~! Hicchan, are you asking because you're interested in joining a club?"

It could have been my eyes playing tricks on me, but I think I saw a suspicious glance exchanged between them. Misha's tone has also changed, although it does that every other word, anyway.


HISAO: "Yeah, I was thinking about it."

(Silence)

Misha and Shizune look at each other again. I'm about to ask what they have in mind when something dark flutters in my peripheral vision, catching my attention.



Out of the corner of my eye, I see the girl with long, dark hair get up from her desk and slip silently towards the door. It doesn't seem like she was working in any group, and no one seems to notice her but me. I glance at the teacher, who's also looking at the dark-haired girl go. Why doesn't he say anything?"


MISHA: "Hicchan? Is something wrong?"

Do I look as uneasy as I feel? Or was Misha just looking at me looking after the girl who left?


HISAO: "No, nothing."


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Okay~! Well, like we were asking, you don't have any plans for lunch today, do you?"

I thought I would go to the library and pick up some books.


HISAO: "...Not really."


MISHA: "Do you want to have lunch together then?"


HISAO: "Sure."


SHIZUNE: "..."


MISHA: "Yay~! Wahahaha~! Okay, Hicchan~! Perfect!"