Part 18: Fair Play is for Losers

Semiru posted:

Put me down as another vote for the elf - he does seem like a right prick, and will killing him get you that coin? So he's like a villain and an artifact?

Sadly, no. The coin is just flavour text.

If my count is correct, there were six votes for taking out Prince Barrowpine, five votes for taking out both Barrowpine and Moradon in a single update, and one vote for going straight to Archipelia. Looks like a certain elven aristocrat is out of luck.

Fair Play is for Losers

You've probably worked out by now that there's no chance Barrowpine is going to give us anything resembling a challenge. So instead of aiming for a fair fight, Ignatia is about to deliver the most epic ass-beating she possibly can.



Step one is to get into a random fight with something that poses no real threat to us.



Oh, did I say step one? That's actually step two. Step one was to load up on as many Clone spells as Ignatia could memorise at once. (We filled up on elves beforehand with Instant Army.)

Now we're going to kill everything except the elves, and then have our entire army prance around like ninnies while the elves plink ineffectually at us and Ignatia casts all those Clone spells.



17 rounds later, this is the result. By using Clone instead of paying to recruit all those troops, we saved at least 10000 gold. By the endgame, cloning up an army will cost about a quarter of what we'd spend on actually buying it.



Now that we have about as many cloned troops as Ignatia's leadership can support, she Town Gates us all back to Forestria. Barrowpine won't know what hit him.



"Hey, you pointy-eared pretty-boy, remember me?"

"Oh, it's you again. This is why humans should never be allowed to use magic: it makes them uppity and insubordinate to their natural betters. What do you want this time?"

"I'm about to show you why having an army of Sprites is such a stupid idea."



300 Sprites may sound like a lot, but they'll be laughably easy to kill.

"Clone army, attack!"

"WE HEAR AND OBEY."




"You may have defeated my sprites, but what about my druids, elves and archmages? All shall fall before my ranged assault!"



"Is that so?"



"Good luck fireballing us when there are thirty knights breaking your archmages' faces with flails."



Ah, Knights, how I love you. They're dishing out almost as much damage as our Druids' lightning bolts.



"I command Druids as well. They may not be able to use their magic, but you will find that they can still fight most fiercely."



"Just for that, I'm going to set your pikemen on fire. Not because I have to, but because I can."



Damn it, Archers. There are over a hundred of you, and that's the best you can do?



Not that it matters. Barrowpine's Druids take out another knight, but Ignatia's army is thoroughly ruining his shit.

"You will address me by my proper title, commoner! I am a prince!"



Not any more you aren't.

"This is an outrage! Unhand me, you filthy humans! I was meant to rule over you and your kind!"

"Well, you're only going to be ruling over a prison cell now. Unless we stick you in the same cell as Bargash, in which case, uh, he'll probably be ruling over you."





I could have tried to get some of those gnomes killed so they'd be slightly cheaper to garrison, but it didn't seem worth the trouble.

That ends today's massacre update. Time for a status check!



This is how big Ignatia's army can get without Raise Control. I think she has enough leadership for now.



1144 leadership and over 100,000 gold in reserve. We've already created a monster, and she's not nearly as powerful as she's eventually going to be.



Barrowpine's map piece revealed another square of water in the northwest. We have over half the map now, and we can get a pretty good idea of what the rest of it looks like. If we wanted to find the Sceptre right now we wouldn't have much trouble doing so, but there are more villains to capture first.

Only one villain remains on Forestria: Sir Moradon the Cruel. Should we go slaughter his army, or travel to Archipelia and try to find some less hopelessly unworthy opponents?

"Archipelia is filled with untold wealth and treasure! I heartily recommend staying there for as long as possible."