Part 6: Piracy in the High Castle
Piracy in the High Castle
By popular demand, Operation Go Forth And Conquer is back on track. First, we're going to capture Dread Pirate Rob.
"Before we do that, can we go back to Nyre and--"
I know what you're going to say, and the answer is no.
On our way to Castle Kookamunga, we run into the weakest group of monsters so far. Needless to say, Ignatia's unstoppable midget army makes short work of them. Our reward is a stunning 280 gold.
"Another week closer to death. I can only hope that Ignatia remains dedicated to her quest for the Sceptre."
"Yay! We're gonna fight a pirate!"
"I wouldn't advise that. You'll find that I'm quite capable of defending myself."
"Are you sure you're a real pirate? You live in a castle instead of on a ship, and you don't have an eyepatch, or a hook, or even a parrot. Also, you don't talk like a pirate at all."
"Very well. Avast ye, landlubbers, this be the keep of the Dread Pirate Rob! Now skedaddle before I send the lot of ye to Davy Jones' locker!"
"That's more like it."
Huh. That's... a lot of militia.
"This is what happens when you don't let me buy the fiery death magic I need."
Well, that's why we have a plan B.
"For the record, I resent having my immense magical talent squandered in this way."
And in a flash, our dwarves are teleported in front of the enemy's elves. Since elves are much weaker in melee than at range, and their only valid target is my strongest defensive unit, I've effectively put them out of commission while at the same time providing a good solid meatshield to take hits from one group of militia.
This is our situation at the end of round 1. Ignatia's archers and elves focused fire on one of the militia groups, with sexy results. We lost an archer to the enemy archers, a few gnomes to the barbarians, and a couple of dwarves and a pikeman to the enemy militia.
Not much happens in round 2. The militia are worn down a bit more, but so are our own troops. Our gnomes also manage to take down a barbarian.
The battle of attrition continues in round 3. I'm hoping to get rid of all those elves before we run out of dwarves to block them from shooting at us.
"Well, I could have just burned them alive at the start of the battle, but someone was a cheapskate."
Our pikemen move up in round 4 to block the enemy's archers from firing on us. The enemy militia are almost all dead, no thanks to our archers, who only killed a pathetic 2 militia this round. Shape up, guys, or I just might decide that the elves make you redundant.
In round 5, our archers, pikemen and elves all focused on the enemy's archers. Once again the elves were the star performers, killing 3 archers on their own.
By round 6, the outcome of the battle is a foregone conclusion: all that remains is to take out those elves and whittle down that one last barbarian's HP.
"Uh, hey there. I've decided that evil isn't so great after all. Is it too late to join you guys?"
"Woohoo! Pirate booty!"
That's an impressive treasure haul. We don't have much to spend all our money on yet, but that should be rectified as soon as Ignatia is promoted -- and we only need to capture one more villain before that happens.
"Oh, hey, it's you. I don't suppose you could help me break out of here?"
"No. Go keelhaul a barnacle or whatever it is I'm supposed to tell you to do."
And we need a garrison again. That one dwarf will be just perfect.
"Please, show me some mercy! Let me go back ta me clan an' arrange a proper burial fer the dead!"
I've given you a perfectly good castle to guard. Stop complaining.
"Perfectly good? We smashed the front gate down with a catapult and took half the wall with it!"
So it's a fixer-upper. All the more reason to get to work! He's a dwarf, he should be good at that kind of thing. Now, let's take a look at the map piece we liberated from Rob.
"Alright! Let me see it!"
By "let's", I mean "I'll".
So the Sceptre is near water as well as mountains. Interesting. We don't have enough information to know where it is just yet, but that narrows it down quite a bit.
Our army took a bit of a beating in that battle, but we can replace what we lost easily enough.
One more villain to capture before Ignatia is promoted. I'll probably go after Princess Aimola next, unless you guys tell me to go for someone else.
"Remember, kids, in real life midget abuse is no laughing matter!"