Part 11: The Yeti Puzzle
Hello everyone, and welcome back to King's Quest V. Today is going to be fun. I've already written a lot about how this game is not very good. It's full of bad and poorly thought out puzzles that don't seem to share the same logic the rest of reality works with.
But the entire game has had two puzzles looming large on the horizon, casting everything else in their very long shadows. These two puzzles are the only contenders in the running for "worst in the game" and it's an award they share jointly. Today we are going to cover the first of them. So let's not waste any more time and get going.
For related reasons, it's a really good idea to drop a save on this screen.
Descriptive saves are very important, as they let you easily return to specific parts of the game in the future. Here, context clues will let me know that FUCKING BULLSHIT, after the Icebella save, means something very specific. It's also so very, very sad when you need context clues to make "FUCKING BULLSHIT" clearer in terms of this game.
King's Quest V - The Yeti
: What an abominable situation Graham's found himself in.
I like doing this more and more lately, but I want to drive home a point each time I do it. We have the correct item to drive off the dreaded yeti. So what is it? Do we use the harp to "tame the savage beast" or perhaps the hammer to bash its brains in? Maybe Crispin's wand to turn it into a faerie.
How about the pie?
Yeah. The pie. The... the god... the f... THE PIE. That quote from Yahtzee comes to mind again. Allow me to repost it from earlier in the thread to refresh everyone's collective memory.
"Zero Punctuation, the Walking Dead posted:
First, think of a problem that the player has to get around... like, say, helping a cat down from a tree. Then, think of how a normal, sensible person would solve the issue with the objects that would be close at hand. Then seal your head inside of a half-full vat of boiling chlorine for about twenty minutes, and write down another way you'd solve the problem that at that moment makes perfect sense to your probably fatally poisoned mind. Repeat this process until you have discovered the most circuitous possible solution.
Logic has left the building. It has no place in this
Abstract puzzle solutions have always been a thing in adventure games. It's just what they do. The pie in the yeti's face on the other hand is just... who would even come up with that? WHY? Was this like Friday afternoon at quarter to five? If I go into the source code for the game will I see a commented out section saying "COME BACK LATER TO REDO THE YETI PUZZLE?" The alternative is that someone was actually proud of this puzzle. That they thought that they were clever and were self congratulatory about it.
Now if you want a really depressing thought, think back to my ramblings at the start of the update. There's yet another puzzle solution that is just as bad later in the game. Let's just move on and walk into the crystal cave.
It's kind of a tedious area to get through, and we have to get to the bottom. So I've found a map online to help out. So let's not waste any time.
King's Quest V - Crystal Garden
I may have gotten the crystal caves mixed up with the Crystal Caves. Happens all the time. Anyway, this screen is optional insofar as if we don't visit it and find the single item, we'll get a game over in around an hour as we enter the final part of the game.
After the pie incident earlier, I'm not feeling charitable towards the game right now. So the item we need is right under the walk cursor. How you're supposed to guess that I can't even pretend to know. Paranormal psychic powers work as well as anything else when it comes to trying to understand Roberta Williams.
one specific crystal
: So very gently, Graham hits the beautiful crystal several times with his hammer until it breaks loose in one piece. He carefully places it among his other possessions.
The gif here isn't perfect. The narrator decides the perfect time to interrupt the animation is right in the middle, where he slowly reads the above line for a solid 10 seconds.
: The brilliant crystal shard feels smooth in Graham's hands.
That's all we need to do here. So let's leave.
south, west, to Sir Greywolf
: I see that the yeti is dead. Queen Icebella will be pleased. Come... follow me.
Click here for video
: Ah, good. You have returned in victory, I presume?
: Yes, Your Majesty. The yeti is dead. He will no longer be a scourge upon your realm. Are my... friend and I free to go now?
: Yes. I keep my promises. I want to thank you for ridding my mountain domain of the horrible yeti. Please rise, King Graham.
: Yes, I know who you are and I have been informed of your quest. I do wish you luck against the wizard Mordack.
: You two may go. We wish you well on your difficult journey. Sir Greywolf will show you the way out of the mountains.
: Your Majesty, please pray for me to succeed in my quest.
: Very well.
: Also pray that after I rescue my family, I forget about your attempted regicide. Because if I return, it will be with an army at my back. Goodbye.
: You can't talk to...
: I just did. Now be quiet or get out of my way.
: Graham walks right past Sir Greywolf without giving the beast a second look.
Now with Cedric back, we can take the southern path. If we hadn't gotten the crystal earlier, this is the last chance to do so.
: Let's go, Graham! I'm coooold and I want to get out of here!
This screen is just transitory. I assume you can fall off the ledge here, but there's no funny death for doing so. The screen ends when you climb up to the ledge with Cedric, where a cutscene takes over.
: Graham, watch out!
King's Quest V - Snatched and Rescued
I love the little village that's visible on this screen. I guess that means Icebella is a proper Queen after all. Not just some petty tyrant who carved out a tiny spit of land in the mountains that nobody cared about and granted herself a titular kingdom.
Alright so, this is basically just an extended cutscene we can interact with. Do you see that tiny speck next to Graham?
Do you see it now? You have less than 15 seconds to grab it. It glints constantly, to be fair. But if you fail to grab it, then you have entered one of the longest DMWs in the entire game. If you do everything else right, it doesn't terminate all the way until the final puzzle, deep in Mordack's island castle. You have absolutely no way of knowing that failing to pick up yet another literal pixel item almost a full hour previous is what fucked you over.
Your only clue that you fucked up here will be that a plot critical NPC will not give you the time of day.
: Graham rescues a lovely golden locket from the clutches of the roc's nest.
Anyway, that Roc somehow thought that Graham was food for its unborn children. I guess it ran out of villagers to harass? By the way, that giant egg in the background is cracking.
: Uh... nice birdie! Good birdie! Heh, heh... gootchy, gootchy, goo!
You have until Graham starts trying to placate the newborn Roc to pick up the locket. It's not a lot of time, so be quick! By the way, did you feed the eagle earlier? If so, then congratulations - you get to live. If not, then you get eaten by the baby Roc.
: Hang on, I'll get you out of this!
: Oh Graham, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!
: You'd never believe it, Cedric. You'd never believe it.
This is a perfect place to call it for now.
NEXT TIME: We start the final major area of the game with yet another infamous "fuck you" puzzle. Should be fun!
List of Points
+4 - The Pie
+4 - Delicate crystal + HAMMER
+2 - Pixel Hunt v4
+2 - Helped by eagle
Register of Deaths