Part 4: Grind CanyonChapter 3 Grind Canyon
Where we last left off, Lang had set out from Nohl in the direction of Gale Canyon.
Now Playing Advancing to Far Away Places
(Technically could have been heard a few times by now but I chose to plonk it here)
We could go there right now.
Or we could just go back to Nohl.
Aston doesnt mind that we left without saying a word.
Dein is naturally less than pleased to see us again.
Maxell introduces us to the first of a number of minigames in Legaia 2: Side Jumping.
He gives us a tutorial. It is .strange. To sidejump, you must first move the opposite analog stick from the direction you want to jump in the direction you want to jump. Then you move the other analog stick in the same direction. Then you have to release the opposite analog stick, and finally the same direction analog stick. Sounds like fun?
Rather than following the games directions, however, I just decide to mash the keys.
I destroy Boerto at sidejumping.
For winning, we get the Sidejumper nickname. Whats a bet you forgot those were a thing by now?
We also get Boost Oil, an item that boosts all statistics by 10% for one battle. This is actually useful for boss fights and stuff.
Turns out Shaun really does have dementia. I must have been right about the barn.
Talking to Nancy initiates a small scene.
I was so worried about you! Are you all right? Youre not hurt, are you?
And .The Aqualith Did you find it?
We can either answer honestly or pretend to have a lead. Pretending is just pathetic, so Cocky Lang chooses honesty.
Uh Actually I havent found much of anything
I know Im great and all, but even Im not going to catch up to that demon guy on foot. Probably no harm in letting him go back to his base and THEN finding him.
I see .Father sent you off with such confidence
But are you really going to get the Aqualith back from that terrible man? You might be killed, Lang
Thats true But I cant just sit here and do nothing about it!
Also he said he didnt want to kill me before I passed out, so I might be safer than you think.
Youre right! Youll never achieve anything if youve already given up in the first place! Uh-huh!
Galvans here too, but he doesnt warrant a scene.
Did you find the bastard? And the Aqualith? Did you get it back?
Im sorry I, I havent got it back yet
Oh!...N, no, its all right. I should be the one apologizing. Im just a little edgy right now.
Theres no need to feel bad about it, boy! I know youre doing the best you can. What matters most that is youre safe.
Basically, every time you get through a major plot event or dungeon or what have you, you can go back to Nohl (and other towns) and see optional scenes like this. As we get more party members there will be more scenes involving them too.
This kind of stuff is my jam. Games that take the time to let you get to know the characters youre playing as always earn points in my book. But we shall see exactly how well Legaia 2 handles this in the future.
Anyway, its time to finally go to Gale Canyon.
The moment we step inside, we find a chest with a charm item.
Equipment in Legaia 2 is pretty standard stuff for the most part. You have armour to equip for different parts of your body: the chest, the arms, and the legs. You also get slots for extra items, such as this Pickpocket Charm.
As you can see here, equipping certain stuff increases your Weight. If equipping something would take you over your weight limit, then the game wont let you. It adds a small measure of strategy to what equipment you use, but it doesnt matter much in the long run. As I will show you when we reach a certain point in the game, its not so hard to trivialise your equipment worries.
As you might expect, the Pickpocket Charm lets us steal from enemies. But it doesnt do so merely by equipping it.
Skills must be equipped. You have Offense Skills, that activate upon attacking, and Defense Skills, which are passive. You can only equip one of each.
There are other kinds of skills that dont need to be equipped, and instead enhance the character wearing the accessory, but we dont have any of these yet.
Now enough about items and skills: lets get into the canyon.
Lang stands in the middle of the big tunnel of wind we saw coming in.
(It did make that sparkly effect, and Galvan told me Id need it ..but then again, correlation does not equal causation, right?)
Now we are free to traverse Gale Canyon.
Or not. Our attention is called to a scene elsewhere in the canyon.
Now Playing Eri and Mari
Yes. Thats the only place we havent searched yet. Whats the matter, Bubba?
Dont tell me youre scared? For a big, brawly guy, you sure are a wuss sometimes. Hee hee hee!
Its not his fault, Marienne. After all, hes not a Mystic like us.
Hee hee hee hee! Youre right of course, my brother.
He may be big, but hes just a regular human!
This is it. This is what makes me want to puke.
If it wasnt obvious, if I had not slapped my avatar there, you would be able to see Mariennes underpants.
Panty shots are rather ubiquitous in certain types of anime-related media. Theyre often used as a cheap form of soft-core pornography under the assumption their viewers will enjoy such things. For anyone that doesnt, they can be especially uncomfortable, not just because theyre examples of gratuitous sexual content, but because those getting their panties shown arent necessarily adults. Take Rosario Vampire: its all about high-schoolers that start at age 15, and it doesnt once shy away from showing you their underpants.
Mariennes age is not explicitly stated, but she sure doesnt look 15 (not that it would make this better). Lang is canonically 17, and Marienne will barely come up to his waist. One could make some argument about how she could just be exceptionally short and totally of a reasonable age, but thats opening a whole new can of worms I dont want to get into.
I will fully admit that I dont think the developers intention here was to fetishize a little girl (but I wont rule it out entirely). My best guess is this is meant to be a joke. Like Haha, shes fat and ugly, her underpants are showing, and you have to look!
In the Simpsons movie, there is a scene where you see Barts penis. I didnt find it very funny personally, but I can at least see the comedic elements: it occurs in the midst of a long scene where they go to lengths not to show you, only to casually reveal it as a shock. But we had no reason to expect to see a little girls underpants today. Theres no timing or exceptional circumstances here. The game just presents fat little Mariennes underpants like its no big deal. And Mariennes underpants will be shown far more than in just this one scene.
The best I can say about this is its a really tasteless and stupid joke. The worst I can say, well
I think Ive ranted about a little girls underpants long enough now. Let us move on to less creepy things.
And that nasty, little pet of yours! What do you call it? Elfa Elfin?
(Pet!? Elfins not just a pet! Oh, now you crossed the line!)
(Youre gonna get it, you little pig! Ill make you pay someday!)
Hmm? Youve got something you want to say, Bubba? I didnt think so. Well, go on! Start searching!
My sister and I are tired. If you find a Mystic, come back here and get us, OK?
Didnt you hear my brother?! I certainly hope you havent forgotten who saved you from a life in the dungeons, hmm?
Bubba and Elfin head into the canyon.
And so does Lang. The translation is accurate as far as I can tell.
Now Playing: Inaccessible Road
The most common enemies here are these Baki. Theyre quick little things that can steal from you. But you can just get your item back by killing the Baki that took it.
Interestingly, Baki come with different weapons. Some have clubs and swords, like the ones pictures above.
Others come with axes, like this one.
Let me briefly explain a small game mechanic: blocking. While many games have blocking in some form, in Legaia 2 every attack in a chain can potentially be blocked. This includes Art attacks, so even if you hit every other attack, the Art can be blocked and youll do significantly less damage.
Baki have a high chance to block attacks, but have such low health its not terribly annoying. They also hit like wimps.
Vultures hit a lot harder than Baki and can poison you.
Rock Golems are the meanest of the bunch. They take a lot of damage and hit hard. If theres a generic enemy in this canyon that could give you a game over, its these assholes.
Curious. But we have no way of interacting with this right now.
This thing runs away from us as we approach.
But when we cross the gap, it suddenly wants to fight.
Lyps is a monster from Legaia 1, originally called a Lippian. Even if youve played Legaia 1, the Lippian was so insignificant its unlikely youd remember it.
Lyps will occasionally show up in Legaia 2 as random encounters. If you kill them, you get a valuable item, but as demonstrated they run away ASAP, so you have to be fast enough. It is nigh impossible to kill one here without grinding, so beats me why they made whole scene for one. Maybe they just felt it was that important you understood what a Lyps was all about?
Eventually, we move on to the end of the canyon.
Now Playing Elfin
Elfin, Bubbas pet, blocks the way.
If you look up anything about this game, you will discover Elfin is notorious. She is the whole reason this chapter is named Grind Canyon. In a nutshell, Elfin will destroy you unless you grind to a certain level or get really damn lucky.
Even if you buy all the armour you can at this point in the game, Elfin will still commonly deal 100-150 damage with every regular attack. Note I said regular attack.
You best guard every time Elfin uses this, or youll probably be destroyed in one hit. Even while guarding, Elfin can deal close to 300 points of damage with Maiden Passion.
This one takes away your AP, meaning you cant use Super Arts until you get more.
Try as I might, I cannot defeat Elfin without grinding, and so grinding I go.
This area right here is burned into my memory. I spent so long as a kid, running between these two trees, trying to reach the level I needed.
Thats the sweet spot. With 4 Art Blocks, we can now preform a whole new slew of Arts. The best thing about these Arts is they give you two hits, meaning you actually hit the enemy 5 times total. This includes a bunch of new Super Arts, some of which can cause status effects, but I dont recall ever getting them to work.
Click here for the 4 Block Art Exhibition.
With our new abilities, we manage to take down Elfin.
Click below to see Elfins defeat.
It just attacked me. Its not my fault.
Why you Im gonna Im gonna
Ohoooo ? I never expected to find a Mystic way out here
How fortunate we are, Marienne!
So true, my brother, so very true! Whats the matter Bubba? What happened to your little beasty?
Ha ha ha! Dont tell me its dead? Thats why youre crying?! Ha ha ha ha! Bubba, youre such a wuss!
AARRGGGH! I cant take it anymore! You little pig! I ought to !
I dont think you understand your position. You dont ever, ever, talk to me like that
Marienne laughs and the siblings turn to Lang.
But enough of him That mark on your chest Youre a Mystic, arent you, young man?
Youre just like Marienne and I! Surely you can see that were nothing like that lowly human cowering over there, cant you?
Yeah, you guys are definitely nothing like him
Were looking for people like us.
People worthy of living in the paradise were going to turn this dirty world into.
What do you say? Youre welcome to join us if you want. Youre very lucky we found you.
Thats right! We treat our slav I mean, subordinates very well!
I vaguely remember once getting the option to accept here, but I tried recreating it once before making the LP and failed. But as in all choices in Legaia 2, even if you accept, they just say something about how Lang looks weak and they need to test him in a fight.
Anyway, we know which option Cocky Lang is picking.
First off, you, Purple Pants Boy? If you were to come out as gay, this game would have been cancelled for perpetuating homophobic stereotypes.
And you, fatty? Id tell you to put on some pants, but Im afraid theyd rip and Id see MORE of your nasty underpants.
Oh my! Hmm Someone needs to learn some manners
Indubitably, Marienne. Dont try to apologize now, young man, its too late!
You better be ready too, little man
As this battle is laden with opportunities to look up Mariennes skirt, I am going to be showing as little of this battle as possible. There will be no full video of it to be sure.
I will, however, show you this one cut scene that plays on the first turn. No panties there.
Click below to cower and the power.
This battle is technically unwinnable. While Elliott and Marienne dont hit that hard in general, they have special attacks that can easily destroy Lang if youre not lucky. They also block a lot, so youll be doing very little damage to them.
Elliott and Marienne also introduce us to the fact that Hyper Arts are a thing.
Funnily enough, theyll give you the impression these Arts arent very special. When we get some, however, theyll hit for a lot more than this.
This is our introduction to Origin attacks. Theres no warning that theyre coming, unlike Elfins Maiden Passion, and they easily hit for 350-400 damage. This is over half Langs current health here. Its very easy to get wiped out by these attacks.
This here is Elliotts Origin attack.
However, I decided to use
All you have to do is take down either Elliott or Marienne. I pick Elliott because, as you might expect, taking down Marienne shows you more of her goddamn underpants.
Hes just playing with us.
Hes not even using the Origin.
Youre asking for it!
Dont look at me. I cant stop her.
The last cut scene plays regardless of how you end the battle. Defeat Elliott, defeat Marienne, or just lose, and you get to see this.
I choose to just lose to them ASAP, as you gain nothing from any technical win you manage, and will waste a lot of healing items.
He was certainly no match for us.
I think I think hes still alive!
Hes mine! Let me finish him off! Let me avenge Elfins death!
Oh, shut up. Theres nothing left for you to do, Bubba. Just be quiet and behave.
Why dont you bury your ugly little pet? I cant stand the sight of it! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hah! A lot of good it did him! He probably had it tattooed on!
Marienne starts stomping on Langs chest. Once again, we see far too much of her underpants.
Were going to break his spirit and turn him into a loyal subordinate!
Absolutely! Well turn him into our loyal slav subordinate!
And there the scene ends.
We had a hell of a time. First we had to grind to beat Elfin, then we got cut scened to death by the siblings, and the whole time we had to be exposed to Mariennes undercarriage.
Join me next time, where we finally get a new party member.