Part 105: Chapter One Hundred and Six: Anachronism
I recommend you read this with the original when you reach the repeating point.---------------------------------------------------------------
Part One Hundred and Six: Anachronism
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*Vrooommmmmmmmmmmmm*
Hi, I am back.
BA!? SO IT WAS YOU WHO MESSED UP THE TIMELINE ALL THESE TIMES!
…
Impressive! Hiding inside someone’s soul! So that’s why Koko can’t find you!
Who’s koko?
I am KoKo! Ko ko ko!
Wha… what the hell are you?
I am one of the great Door God! Ko ko ko ko ko!
… A chicken? Really? No wonder you guys never found me.
Is that an insult, human!? I will not let that go! Ko ko ko ko ko ko!!!
SILENT! I WOULD HAVE SEND YOU BACK TO THE PROPER TIMELINE IF KOKO HAS FOUND YOU.
Lower your voice, man! This place is hollow you know.
NO! YOU MAKE SUCH A HUGE MESS IN THE MORTAL WORLD, AND NOW MY TABLE IS FILLED WITH ALL THESE NEW PAPERWORK AND…
Well, this lecture will take a while.
Wahhh… I’m sorry for killing your parents in front of you, little girl!
What happened to him?
He had some major guilt trips near the end of his life.
Such a shame, he could have done some great things.
You are the reason all these happened.
GAHHH! I DON’T CARE HOW, YOU TWO GO BACK AND FIX THIS NOW! KOKO!
You two better fix this up! Ko ko ko ko ko!
Wahhh…
Gah, you can’t do this! There must be some violation of heavenly laws! I demand my soul's right!
Wait Yama, stop! You can’t force them through like that without going through proper procedures! It could cause some space-time continuum complications! Waaaaait!
*Vrooommmmm* *SNAP *Vrooommmmm*
Very angry Ba! Don’t run!
Move aside! Move aside! Don’t block big daddy’s road!
Stop!
Oh no, he’s dead!
Oh no! Here’s 50 dollars, forget what you see!
Okay!
YEAH! I GO HOME!
Heee, hooo, incoming litter, heee, hooo.
Master, you okay!?
Ah, back again! Back again!
Huh? What? Why I’m in body?
We are back in time! Everything start over!
I am hopeless; you can do my body what you want.
No, I don’t want.
I don’t care.
Me too, screw king Yama. I am too lazy for this.
[Yawn] Me too, so I sent this to some low budget translation company in Hong Kong instead.
Music: A New Dynasty
I will act like the past for now.
Shrimp statue so cool. I want to become a Shrimp too.
I like Shrimp too. The Shrimp shall become my model. I will act just like Shrimp.
You are manly; I respect your respect of Shrimp value. What’s your name?
My name is Moon. Yours?
I am Ch—
No, no, don’t use that evil name.
Jeez, y-
It seems you like Shrimp like me, Jeez buddy.
(Ah crap, I forgot I am controlling… oh well)
Yeah! Back in the village, my uncle said this 100-years old Shrimp is the best!
I heard Shrimp retied, so people make this rock Shrimp to admire.
THAT’S HOW A SHRIMP SHOULD BE!
Pardon me; I just get so high every time I talk Shrimp.
I made a wish during my eighteenth birthday to become a Shrimp and learn KUNG FU and become more Shrimp.
That a wonderful ambition, broseph. We gonna be great brose.
Come, let's gossip more in the teahouse.
Yay!
Music: Ms. Ho
So you are virgin to Luoyang?
Yes! My virgin to Shrimp statue is lost, so now I am virgin for a school to learn KUNG FU! Do you know what school Shrimp go to?
He fingers it himself.
You seem to know Shrimp. What’s your name?
Sorry for stepping in, I am Rater Ye.
No problem! Shrimp learns KUNG FU himself?
Yes, my book says so. He got lucky and learned KUNG FU and then COMBINED THEM!
Your book?
Sorry, this is my Wulin book that has everything.
Does it have everything?
Nope. Only the good stuff is in there.
Guess I am not in it since I am not good stuff. Is Moon in there?
Moon is student of Lazy Valley. He kicked thirteen bandit asses last year. My eye is watching him.
Your sharp eyes know something no one knows. What else in the book?
Lazy Valley’s Master Perfect’s KUNG FU is #5 in the world and good at many hobbies.
Then who’s number one?
You speak well. I am not that sexy.
Will I be that sexy too?
Everyone can be sexy as long as you will work for it. I believe someday your sexy will be recorded too.
Alright, I will work hard. I will be written in the book like the Shrimp.
Yeah, good to meet you, but I got to go. Jeez, come meet me at motel for beer this evening if you want.
Sure, we will get drunk.
Manager, here 600 dollars give him my left over.
You so generous…
I should pay him back tonight.
Gain 570 dollars
[Yawn] Too lazy to ask Rater Ye about stuff, so let’s go.
Huh? My body has no meat!
We are weak again!
Nooooo! My meat! Now I am ZERO!
Oh no, forced event. Now I have to translate.
Look at this exquisite sculpture of the champion. Despite his sophisticated appearance, his demeanor is still that of an adolescent.
Certainly so, my good man. This child barely even reaches the maturity of a young male! I’m certain that anyone could easily follow the example of this young chap.
He is lucky to be born before me, or I would have absolutely become his greatest rival.
Then I would become his worst adversary and ridicule him with my paralyzing statement.
A slap of the glove to his face, I will turn him upside down!
With a swing of my manly cane, he would be off to heaven!
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!
I heard your KUNG FU is strong. What do you go by?
Don’t soil pants, young one. My name is Sky Thunder, the Heavenly Gentleman.
(What a stupid title.)
I am knocker of five ladies, yearner of six relations, Sun and Moon Sir Spearman Long!
(Long?)
Everyone call me the shapeless hand, vanishing leg, the fastest boxer in the realm, Race Boxer!
(What a silly name.)
I arrive without shadow, I leave without a trace, fast as sound, and people know me as Speedy!
(He is that quick?)
We are the Four Gentlemen of the Five Virtues!
Don’t care. Jeez just want to buy some smokes.
Hai, welcome to Buddhist Store, what would you like today?
I want some smoke.
You get Incense #1
You get Incense #2
You lost 26 dollars
Gotta ask god to fix my meat.
Sorry, the drawing budget got cut, so here’s a picture of White Horse Temple instead.Music: Tears of joy
You wrong!
No, I wrong!
No, you wrong!
You two are trivial wrong.
You know nothing wrong!
This is none of your wrong!
So you wanna fight your wrong?
How dare you be wrong~~
[Suddenly a smooth jazz happened and everyone is right.]
Ahh… I am hippy.
I am so right…
Yeah, who’s making us right?
Your jazz is hot!
You tease. I saw you threesome in heat so I played Chill Out, now you feel glitzy?
Oh yes, much jazzy. For sizzle.
It seems those two are making love.
I’m sorry for your wrong.
No no no, I should be right.
It so shameful argues such trivial wrong.
You are right, let’s have some teabag together!
Let’s!
I didn’t know music can make people all jazzy.
It can get people high too. A good jazz master can even make other thing high too.
That’s so cool. Will I ever be able to make people high?
Yes, if you practice, you might even be recorded in history for getting the highest high.
Thanks for the tip.
No sizzle.
Jazz Skill increased, it is now 10!
New information added to skill book!
Aww, so much event that I can’t skip.
Monk, I am uncertain of myself, please turns me on.
Please stripe your question.
The proverb is: Long but only three inches long, fragile as green grass, who knows what generation, can see this grow old.
It means a tiny penisceae, containing unlimited hope, and this is the will of Buddha.
Buddha’s will? Now I am confused.
A will is shapeless, so even the smallest…
Oh! Monk means smallest things is simple and pure, usually contain large mystery. Just like Buddha is every time, so it is endless. Yet encircle the boundary and thus it is largest.
Impressive obi-wan, I am very impressed.
Both of them are so deep, I should chat with them. My name is Jeez, I heard you two goes very deep, may I know your name?
This person is the host of the White Horse holy place, everyone call him Monk Spirit.
Nice to meet you, Monk Spirit.
May the peace be with you.
I am Little KUNG, nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you two, I am filled with dignity for meeting you two.
Oh no, we don’t fill that much value. It’s his job to explain things to me so I can become high to the path of enlightenment.
Your IQ increased, it’s now is 6
We got budget, so let’s talk to Little Kung.Mister little Kung…
Jeez, Brobediah! I’m just 14 years old, so I can’t be honored by you yet.
Then I will call you Little Kung Brohann, but your Buddhist skill is off the chart!
No, no, I just live nearby and suck it all in naturally.
We got budget, so let’s talk to Monk.You seem to be high!
Wow you can see my heart! So amazing! I totally feel all filled up when my virgin to seeing Shrimp statue is lost and now I want to become like him.
I am happy you discover the loss of your virgin at such a young age.
Thank you master. I’m just getting started, and I will train harder to help people do it too.
Please do not rush! You must be kind and gentle, becoming emotional will hurt yourself in the end.
This is especially important when your KUNG FU is high, or your mind and body will breakdown!
I never thought of doing it with such approach. Thank you, I have learned.
May the force be with you!
BUDDHA! GIMME BACK MY MEAT!
[Suddenly you feel much stronger]
All your battle stats become 20
What!? My old meat is bigger than this! Screw this!
It’s morning, it’s time to sleep.
Gentlemanly Advice of the Day
Make sure she finishes too.
No, my man. Make sure she finishes FIRST.
Amen to that.
Hohoho, indeed!