The Let's Play Archive

Legend of Wulin Heroes

by Nyaa

Part 106: Chapter One Hundred and Seven: Legendary Dream

I can't seems to get my "dubbing mood" back, so I can't replicate the awesomeness from the previous chapter anymore. It's suppose to be a one shot thing anyway, but I will keep the bad dub on for a while and now for something new.

Note: Newly unseen scenes are translated properly.

Part One Hundred and Seven: Legendary Dream

“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I always want to play this game, Heroes of Jin Yong!”

“Let’s see, my name is Little Shrimp.”

“I guess my best stats are Fist/palm, Chi, healing, and sword style… let’s see what ne…”

Ouch! My head hurts! Did I study too late lately to get this dizzy?

… I recall playing the game “Legend of Jin Yong”! Why did I suddenly fall asleep? Whatever, I better go back to playing it, after all, this is a game I’ve been waited for half a year. I must be the first to beat it.

Eh! Where’s my computer?

Strange, when did I change my clothing? Why didn’t I even know about it? Eh! This is ancient scenery? Strange, strange, this place is not my home? Did I get kidnapped? Or did I play too much RPG and started to have delusion?

Suddenly, the star thing on the table made a little spin.

Very congratulations!
Softworld Doll!

Note: Softworld Doll is the mascot of the game publisher Softworld Entertainment.

Yawwwwwwnnn, how long have I been asleep? I think I had a weird dream, but whatever.

I think we just had a dream about Little Shirmp!

Huh? Sure, sure, let me go take a piss and…

Oh, it’s evening, time to go drink some brewski with that Moon guy.

Hey brosip, how’s your squatting at Louyang?

Yeah, your little brose sure has seen lots of things. For example the…

Don’t hurry on saying things, let’s order some ethanol. Waiter! Two gallon of ethanol!

Coming right up!

Please enjoy your fuel.

Come; let us refill till we are full.

Great! My bro-ha-ha, let little Brolfgang Brahmadeus Brozart here shows you respect with this drink.


Ehh??? Broseppi! Stop!!!


This fuel is not the right grade!

Suddenly, Jeez realizes he is supposed to consume octane grade 91 type gasoline instead of 87.


“Wahhh, I am sad. Wahhhhh…”

I am hurting, whaaaaa!

Jeez says, “I need to be alone, don’t talk to me.” So Moon walks back to his table and continues his drink.

But then Dark Mysterious jumped in and Moon was like “omg, it’s Batman!”

The computer calculated your achievement and determines your starting I.Q. to be 10 I.Q

Time passes, winter is approaching; the bird flies north to avoid the cold weather.

…Where am I?

You are in, Lazy Valley.

(Oh god, it’s master!)

(It’s okay, he’s undead now.)

(I can’t face him, you do my body!)


Who are you?

I’m land master.

Owner? Why am I here?

You’ve been poisoned. School brother deadly. With Nine Crushing Powder.

Where’s Moon broster?

Master! The drug is ready!



Ah! Jeez brony, you alright?

No button.


Your damage is curing. Don’t move like basketball players. Moon, feed him drug.

Yes master.

Sorry to be a boner.

Don’t say that bro; it was my fault, so it’s my duty to take care of you.

Not many visitors. You rest in peace until resurrection. If you are boned, walk around the Vale. Don’t get too high or it will lower your recovery. I will check you out later.

Please take care; I will leave you in peace.

Yay, more time to get a full day sleep.

Very congratulation to you, you are our most lucky customer of this product. After many years of researches in Softworld, we finally developed a complete VR (Virtual Reality) game.

You will become the protagonist of the game, and have adventure in the world of our game.

What did you said? This is not a dream? “Real VR Game?” Could it be? You mean the type you saw on the story of movie and manga? The game is ‘real’? To let the player’s ‘body’ be inside the game world, and not just controlling in front of the monitor?

Indeed. This is ‘the most realistic game!’ You are one of the luckiest customers because due to budget concern, of all the products, the copy you brought is the ‘VR’ version that we have.

Wow! Lucky I didn’t get the watered down version.

Indeed. Only the smart players who respect properties right are the cutest. Alright, the rest is up to you. I wish you luck because you can only leave this world when you complete the game, to return to the real world…

Hold on; hold on… you don’t have any hint for me?

Didn’t you read the manual?

Sorry! I’m not used to reading the manual first.

You people are always like this, always think you are so good and don’t even read the manual.

Alright, I will read it next time, so please give me some hint, like for example, what’s the goal of this game?

That will be up to you to discover, I can’t tell you that, but…

But what?

But I will give you a little hint. There’s an important person in the game that you must find.

This person knows lots of stuff, and if you manage to find him, then you should have some idea of the goal of the game. Finding this person will also unlock lots of location that will allow you to go in. Until then, the places you can go to the local inn and his home, so you better search for him.

Who is this person?

What’s the fun if I told you everything?


Don’t worry, this game just started, it won’t be too difficult. When you are out of here, get some info from the inn near here, but don’t forget this game’s setting is ancient time, so watch your manner.

Oh yeah, almost forgot to tell you that this game has ‘death’ design, so… may the lord protect you!

That’s what I fear! What year is it, and game still have to design these ‘death’, you guys love old school style or something!?

Don’t fear, this room has been prepared with your basic necessary item in various boxes. Within it is some medical pill that will be useful when you life is on the line. Also, you seem to be holding something from the modern world, those can be used too.

Looking at your data, you seem to know a bit of fist style, so no problem.

What fist style, I just know ‘Janken Fist’!

Note: Janken fist is a name for Rock Paper Scissor.

Alright, enough talk, the game designer nagged me not to reveal too much or it will violate the game design philosophy, as the saying goes “Good game is not wordy”. BYE! BYE!

"Wait, Wait! You can’t do this, I need more hinnnnnt!"

Moon is banging at the door and make Jeez wake up.

How you feel?

Thanks to your master, I am feeling higher.

Good… it’s my fault you become so low, me sorry.

Not your fault, blame someone else.

Hmm… HMMM, I made drug, maybe it will help your condition, would you take it? I will feel higher if you do.

1) Okay.

The bird forgot something, so it flies back to get it.

… this.. so high, ugh, ugh, ugh? So many star, weee?

Your flexibility, hardness, and speed decrease by two.
Relationship with moon increased!

The next few days, Master Perfect banged the sitar and show Jeez how. He also touched the chess and show Jeez how. Then he gently caressed the flowers and show Jeez how. Finally. Jeez can high normally again.

Young boy.


You seem normal. You can leave.

Jeez bro, congratulation on your sizzling recovery.

I can leave?


Great! (But where should I go? Lazy Valley is like the only lax enough sect that let me sleep all year long.)

(No, I don’t want to stay here, I can’t face them)

(Good point, I will stay)


What’s up, bro?

Master! I want to become your apprentice!

Become my puppy?

I left home to Louyang to learn KUNG FU so I can fight evil; master is hot jazz, so I want to be under you. Please take me!

Me think…

Master, Jeez bronita is the shit, his way of sizzling is like us, so he would make us more right. Let him in master!

Alright, I add you since you know my jizz.

Thank you master.

Hoho, good.

Hurra! Today we are school bro!

Hohoho… Jeez, from today onward, you do chores for us. It’s for your training.

Okay, I will think about it.

Boy, I take you in because you seem smart for hobby, so don’t piss me with training KUNG FU all day.

Yes, okay.

Outside valley is the Village of Relax. Pros like “life is full of high” Drunken god, “Chess Harass” Gentleman Orange, “Flower man” Painter Qing, “Reviver” Drug King, and “Dazzling Musician” Deity Music.

If they teach you skill, it will be good for you. I am da best of course, hurr hurr…

Yes, master.

Next few days, master teaches Jeez how to poke people, which he later used to poke on school brother Thorn. Then master teach Jeez to do basic exercises for a few days and finally…

Jeez, you’ve been here for like a month and should know the basic. Today I teach you melee KUNG FU, what you like?

3) Carefree Finger.

Okay. Today I teach you Carefree Finger. You should know that Carefree Finger is pumping gas to your finger, and pierce people holes point with it. Need lots of gas and a good eye to become the best poke master. Hope you learn well, and use it to help people.

The bird got what it need, so it flies back north. During this period, master offered to teach weaponry KUNG FU!

1) Carefree Sword Style.

Okay. Today I teach you Carefree Sword Style. This sword style is lightweight. Your leg is free. Nothing holding you. You would be like a released dead soul. To make it extreme, you better be light and fluffy.

Another few days later, Batman returns. Jeez too lazy to deal with him, so he told him to go away. Master is so happy that a few days later he come and says…

Jeez, you can now leave the Valley and do whatever you like, but don’t cause troubles!

Yay, finally free to hibernate for winter!

You have question? Then I will tell you about some of the game’s basics. Items in the game are sorted to five types, plot items for special use on certain people or objects.

Then the doll stopped explaining the rest and just kept repeating the same thing… bastard’s probably broken.

So Little Shrimp go and grab whatever is in the chests and drawers.

Now his inventory is filled with: Energy Drink, Chicken Soup Essence, Golden Cow Sport Powder, Po Chai Pills, Chi Essence Pill, Ginseng, Recovery Pill, Coptis Chinensis Antidote Pill, Silver, Wisdom Fruit, and a bunch of raw medical ingredient.

[Sigh] let’s see what’s outside.

Uhh… I guess this is the inn?

Suddenly, Jeez was waked by his bro to gather at master’s place.

Moon, Thorny, and Jeez boy. You three listen up. Today is Honorable Kung’s fiftieth birthday. Deliver this present to him for me.

Yes, master.

The bird didn’t like the north, so it flies back south.

Wow, been so long since I get out and get trippy. Today I’m gonna party like crazy, right? Second bro?

You be careful, don’t shame Lazy valley name.

Yea, yea, second bro.

Bro, your second school bronana is right. Don’t play too much and forget to deliver the gift -- the Eagle Shaped Golden Crown you are carrying. Do not lose it.

Ouch, sorry! I didn’t hump you too hard did I?

No button!

After awhile Jeez notice his gift is gone.

So his brothers fly up to the sky like a released dead soul.

Wow, I want to get high too. Alright, I should find the Eagle Shaped Golden Crown by noon. Maybe I should ask about the lady.

Actually, that’s too much effort. It’s morning, it’s time to sleep.

Alright, Little Shrimp is at the Inn of Heluo.

Oh, a merchant near the inn’s entrance.

Welcome, welcome, whatever you need, I have it here. Sir, take a look at what you might want, I, Xiaobao’s merchandise’s prices are definitely fair.

Wow! You have so many things, Xiaobao bro, you sure are at it.

Nah, you are too kind. Since my kung fu is not that good, I could only survive in Jianghu by finding items and selling it in front of various inns in the world.

How should I call you by?

I am Wei… just call me Xiaobao will do. Remember, if you need anything, go to one of the inn to find me, but I won’t always be there, so you would need some luck.

Note: Wei Xiaobao is the protagonist of Jin Yong’s novel The Deer and the Cauldron (also known as The Duke of Mount Deer).

His stuff is too expensive, so Little Shrimp will check out the inn instead.

This must be the inn that Wuxia novel commonly refers to. I better ask some information from the waiter.

Sir, would you like to eat or rest?

Waiter? … You are a waiter! You are a waiter isn’t it! You must know some information that you can tell me, right? Tell me! I am pro at playing RPG, so finding people like you will solve everything! Please tell me what I need to do next, I will give you some ‘tips’, then find ‘someone’, isn’t it?

Where this madman came from? If you are not here to eat then go away, don’t spur nonsense and ruin our business.

Damn, Little Shrimp really botched that, now he has to search the important person himself. Let’s hope following this road will lead to it.

Youch, times up and I still haven’t found it. What to do... can’t be helped, I will just meet with school brothers first.

School brother, I still haven’t found the item, what should we do?

Stupid, that female thief has already been caught by senior school brother, and the item has been retrieved. Who knows how long we would have to wait if we’ve to depend on you.


Alright, it’s time, let’s go in.

KUNG bro.

Moon brodani, Jeez brodini, you are here, please come in, the cerebration is about to begin.

Welcome every Wulin cohort to arrive at my winter house, I, the host, KUNG should as introduce everyone…


Jeez dozes through the introduction because standing sleeping KUNG FU.

… I am happy to be able to celebrate my fiftieth birthday with everyone, let me begin with this drink.


Who’s there!?

Jeez didn’t really pay attention to what happened.

All he knows is that he and his bros need to fight some cultists.

“Sorry for walking like a snail, I will be there soon. One space at a time.”

Suddenly Gluttony jump on Jeez and eat him alive.

Before Jeez become unconscious, he sees that the disadvantage has widened, so Thorn and Moon are swiftly fallen. Oh well, at least he can sleep more.

Geez, this game's map is awfully big.

Aww, this building is locked…

“Water… water… wateeeeerrrr…”

Gentlemanly Tip of the day

Knows how to make a grilled
  cheese sandwich at 2 a.m.
    and an omelet at 7 a.m.

Note: If you want to skip this straight to the where the lazy route matters, then skip to part 114.