The Let's Play Archive

Legend of Wulin Heroes

by Nyaa

Part 71: Chapter Seventy: Monky Business

Lots of words that have no English equivalent and awkward terms in English for this chapter.

Part Seventy: Monky Business

It’s been awhile, but I think I have enough mental strength to do one more fishing trip.

Music: Fishing

Only manage to catch four of these God Fish, and the other eight escaped as expected. I am still sane.

Ah, I get it! After all this time spent fishing, I understand that it's not just about brute strength, but the technique of using the strength of fish as your own. I can utilize this knowledge in kung fu …...learned Heaven and Earth Shift.


Yes? What is it Mr.Ye?

I’m here to inform you of the new title people in Jiangwu have been calling you by. I have also recorded this title into your section of my book.

Really, what new title did they give me?

Due to your excellence fishing skill, your buddies in Jiangwu gave you the title of – Grand Duke Fishing —

Fun Fact: Based on the mythical story of Grand Duke Jiang who often went angling at the Weishui River, but he would fish in a bizarre way. He hung a straight hook, with no bait, three feet above the water. He over and over again said to himself, "Fish, if you are desperate to live, come and gulp down the hook by yourself.", and the fishes would always jump out of the water to take the baitless hook.

Really? Wow, terrific!

I expect more out of you in the future, please continue to work harder.

Naturally, thanks for coming.

Hope you don’t mind, but I have business to take care of.

Oh no, no. Please let me show you the exit.

Your reputation increased, it is now 367.

Music: Autumn

Let’s see what other gift we will receive from Wukong.

Ha! You look really happy today. Eh? What’s this? You are giving this to me?

Wah!? Amazing! This is a thousand year old flowery knotweed! Consuming this will greatly increase my chi power, thank you very much!

I reloaded to get this twice, so our stat is now…
Your chi power is now 93

Then the five turtles come again.

Big brother! Big brother!

Eh? Why did you come?

Big brother, I digged this up while I was farming!

This is…..

A sword!

Fiddlestick! I know that, but what kind of sword is this?

You don’t know what this sword is, big brother?

Hmm….this sword….hmm…

Hmm….let’s see…

This looks like a Hypnotic Sword.

Really, big brother?

Hmm…probably is that…

That must be why I always falls asleep when I look at it. Big brother you are so—eh? Big bro…big bro…


AMAZING SWORD!..........I better go back to work….

Obtain Hypnotic Sword

Too bad Jesus doesn’t know how to use swords, because this sword has ¼ chance to make an opponent fall asleep for two turns.

Another visitor.

Peace be with you, alms giver Jesus.

Little master Vacant Truth, why are you here?

Note: Master is also used as an honorific for a monk, a lesser monk will be little master.

I am returning to Shaolin Temple, and decided to pay you a visit on the way here.

Thank you for your kindness.

The Shaolin Mountain is at the peak of beauty in this season. Would you like to visit Shaolin Temple with me?

1) Was thinking the same thing.
2) I have something to do, maybe next time.

The bird follows Jesus to Shaolin Temple.

Music: Shaolin Temple

Whoopee! The legendary Shaolin Temple!

Eh? Why are the temple doors closed? Did something happen in the temple!?

Master Vacant Truth, you are back!

What happened, why are the temple doors all shut?

Last night a thief got in and stole the Yijin Jing (Muscle/Tendon Change Classic). Now the thief is hiding within this temple and the grandmaster has ordered an emergency shutdown of all temple gates and to increase security in order to prevent the thief from escaping.

Fun Fact: Yijin Jing might sound like a lame book, but it’s actually one of the most powerful chi manuals.

Such a thing happened!? Amitābha, my apology Jesus, looks like I can’t show you around right now.

No problem, a stolen sutra is more important than a tourist. If you don’t mind, I will help you guys find the thief.

Amitābha, thank you alms giver.

Think nothing of it.

I will guard here, hurry and find that thief.

Awww, can’t meet Buddha today.

I guess this still count as touring.

All the monks just say “I will guard here, hurry and find that thief”.

No one in the pots and piles of woods.

No one hiding behind the tree.

Where could it be? Jesus already scouted the whole place.

Maybe the thief is inside the temp—wait a minute.

Eh!! There someone sneaky …

Eh!? Who are you!?

Lady Swallow!?

Oh Jesus, what a coincidence! Good to see you again but I need to be off, hehe…

……hold it, please leave the book, madam alms giver.

Gah! I am exposed!

Yijin Jing is an important sutra of the Shaolin Temple, if madam alms giver won’t return it, then you will have to pardon my rudeness.

Yah! Save me Jesus!

Lady Swallow, little master is right. Yijin Jing belongs to Shaolin and you took it without permission, so you should hurry and return it.

I have reasons for it! There's no time to explain, but please believe me and I will return the sutra.

No, you must return the sutra now!

1) Help Swallow History
2) Help Vacant Truth

Since we are going the good route and we voted for Azure, this choice is a bit easier to make.

Lady Swallow, it is not too late to turn back.

You……forget it, looks like I have to do it the hard way!

Swallow is going all out, trying to take down Jesus with a strong hit.

Jesus tries to go easy on her, but Swallow effortlessly dodges and they get a little bit closer than planned.

Embarrassed, Swallow turns away to fight the monk instead.

Vacant Truth goes all out and slams her with the staff while Jesus ponders the beauty of life.

Seeing the inactive Jesus idling, Swallow struggles to strike down the monk.

Unfortunately, Vacant Truth is clearly stronger than she is.

All your battle stat increased

Lady Swallow, you should cease your resistance and return the book.


Oh god, did Vacant Truth hit her too hard!?

Lady Swallow!

Madam alms giver!

Amitābha, the poison in madam alms giver is temporary halted with my revival pill, but I cannot cure her completely without the antidote.

Can’t believe that fa-wang, Empty Benefit, would be so vile as to poison a woman to force her to steal a book for him, Pithecanthropuses!

Note: There’s no English equivalent of fa-wang, which is a title for Tibet high ranking monk.

Amitābha, Sadhu Sadhu. (阿弥陀佛, 善哉善哉)

Since it came to this, there’s no other way. I have a request.

Amitābha, if alms giver has a plan, please tell us.

I would like to borrow the Yijin Jing.

Amitābha, I understand your reason in asking for the book, but this is the treasure of Shaolin Temple, the text and the spirit of our founder Bodhidharma’s kung fu, so if falls into the hands of evil, then a great disaster is bound to strike Wulin...

(Damn bald head, you could just say no instead of explaining all this history) Since master won’t lend the sutra, I won’t further trouble the temple. I will find Lady Swallow’s antidote somehow, farewell.

Now to find that fa wang and beat the antidote out of his ass.

Sir Jesus!

Lady Swallow?

Sir Jesus, where are you going?

To find your antidote!

Where are you going to find it?


The antidote is in the hand of fa wang Empty Benefit. Only he will know where it is, so let’s go together to get the antidote.

But you wound…why don’t you stay here to recover?

Humph! Who would want to stay with those stodgy monks? If I have to choose, I would rather….follow you….

Lady Swallow….

Enough idling, let’s go!

Please hold on, alms givers!

Little master?

Where are you two planning to go?

To get the antidote.

That vile monk is from a foreign land and his kung fu is probably very strong, so please let me come with you.

Thank you for screwing up my date plans your kind gestures, but this trip is dangerous and I really don’t want you to be a cockblock suffer…

Amitābha, Buddha said: “If I don’t go to hell, who will go?“ I can’t just stand back if I see someone drowning.

In that case, I will accept your great cockblock conviction.


We are here.

[Sigh] How to get the antidote?

I thought up an idea on the way here, but it’s pretty risky…

What plan?

I will give him a fake sutra to get the antidote. I will try to escape before he figures out it's not the real Yijin Jing,. If he chases me, then you two jump out of the bush and we will ambush him.

Seems like this is the only way, please be careful.


While Jesus and Vacant hide IN-FRONT of the bush, Swallow begins the plan.

Hey! Foreign monk, I got your Yijin Jing! Hurry up and come out here!

Hehehehehe, you really are the goddess of thievery, to steal the book so easily.

Hey! Here’s your Yijin Jing, now hurry and give me my antidote before the poison takes effect!

Antidote? Hehe, why would I? Yijin Jing is the sutra that all who practice kung fu would dream to have, and since I obtained it today, why should I let more people know I have it and increase my enemies?

What did you say!?

Sorry, little girl, today I will help you go to heaven.





Again, the scum decides to go for the woman.

Here is the best face-slap your mom never gave you!

The disoriented fat face going hog wild on random person.

Jesus had enough with him and gave him the final BOOOOONGGGG!

All your battle stats increased
Your reputation increased, it is now 376

Eh? We got reputation? Maybe cause he’s a foreigner?

Pockmarks! I will be back!
And we will bong you again.

Lady Swallow, hurry and take the antidote.


I thought monk are free of worldly desires, but there’s actually someone who willing do vile things and betray their teaching for a kung fu manuscript.

Amitābha, although the law of Buddhism is limitless, it still requires the monk’s willingness to accept the new way in order to attain the way of Buddha, otherwise it's just a man shaving his head.

Well said, little master.

Amitābha, since madam alms giver is safe, I should return to Shaolin. Farewell.

Take care, little master.


Thanks for your help, Jesus. If it wasn’t for you, my life would be lost.

All that matters is that you are safe.

….you are such a caring person.


Fun fact: That’s not how people in ancient China kissed…oh you knew that.
Editor counter fact: Kung Fu masters could kiss faster than the human eye could see, obviously.

Ah……lady Swallow….

Your relationship with Swallow History increased (100)
Your relationship with Vacant Truth increased (100)
Your moral increased, it is now 100

Wonderful…wonderful…WONDERFUL, Jesus you did an excellent job!

Ye buddy!!!

I've stopped wondering how he manages to get here.

Jesus buddy performs another great deed.

What great deed have I done?

Just the fact that you defeated fa wang Empty Benefit and heroically saved a damsel in distress is enough to make you popular throughout Wulin. I will, of course, write this into my book.

Really, I will thank you for that.

No problem, I will take my leave now, goodbye.

Take care.

Your reputation increased, it is now 406

The bird follows Jesus home, it will miss those tasty muscular Shaolin worm.

This trip to Shaolin is very rewarding.

 Potential Avatar of the Night
  My head is great for BONKING!