The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is a video game, probably. It was released in November of 2006 as a launch title for the Wii, where they tacked weird motion controls onto what was originally intended to be a Gamecube game. Since Wind Waker's extreme levels of charm and character earned them a lot of fan aggression, Nintendo decided to retire their ideas playbook and try to reproduce everything that made Ocarina of Time a good game. Without directly saying so, the game turned out to be pretty much a sequel to OoT, taking place in some unknown number of eras following the end of that game. Consult the Zelda timeline (not provided) for additional details.
There was lots of hype surrounding this game. It implemented a lot cool "modern" features, like proper horseback combat, easy archery with the wii remote, and the ability to swing your sword while moving. It also implemented the modern color palettes of "lots of brown and desaturation", so the game unfortunately looks pretty gloomy and drab at times!
Unlike our previous Zelda LPs, we'll be doing this one with live commentary. We'll probably bring some friends along!! They may be friends who like this game more than we do. Since we're streaming the game to each other, sometimes commentary may be slightly delayed or there may be a reaction to something that happened a couple seconds earlier. It's not really a big deal, I just wanted to make you aware ahead of time.
We don't love this game. I'm not going to say this is our least favorite Zelda game, because that would be disingenuous, but it definitely has a lot of things that don't thrill us. But don't worry, we found a way to have fun with the game anyway, so we're not going to be groaning and complaining about it the whole way through!
So what's the deal, then?
The deal is Twilight Princess: Don't Be a Hero Mode. The rules are made up and the particular points don't matter, but here are the general guidelines for how we approach this playthrough:
1. THIS WILL NOT BE A 100% RUN
A lot of the time-consuming bloat of a Zelda game lies in the collection, and this game apes the Gold Skulltula-style collectibles of Ocarina of Time, so it's safe to say we WON'T be getting them all.
2. WE WILL BE SKIPPING A LOT OF DIALOGUE
We've both played this game several times, a lot of people have played it, and frankly it's pretty dang wordy. You can tell what's going on throughout the game without reading all of the text, and we might slow down for some of the cool parts.
3. WE'RE JUST HERE TO HAVE FUN
Even if we don't love this game, Ambisagrus and I are a couple of fun-havers. We like to mess around and keep it real casual, and we hope that the rest of you are able to keep cool as well. The goal here is just to have fun.
4. THERE WILL BE NO HEAVY EDITING
Sometimes we'll make a couple mistakes that take up a few minutes, but for the most part we know our way through the game and won't be wasting tons of time. If we happen to get stuck on a part for a few minutes, just think about how much time we've saved by skipping all that dialogue!
And as a final note, we're still going to be getting some heart pieces just because this isn't a 3 heart run or anything. If there are any favorite heart pieces, sidequests, or easter eggs or neat moments that you'd really like us to show off, please feel free to suggest them to us (without heavy spoilers) and we'll take it into consideration!
Either email us at pali (at) sagr.us, hit us up on Twitter at @AWoodenPalisade or @Ambisagrus, or post it in the thread with a spoiler tag.
Table of Contents
1. Don't Be a Hero Mode
2. Don't Be Rude to Monkeys
3. Don't Play in the Sewers
4. Don't Eat Bugs, Dog
5. Don't Make Literary References Nobody Will Get
6. Don't Fall Asleep, Palisagrus
7. Don't Go Into Bug House
8. Don't You Die on Me
9. Don't Vote for Robin Williams
10. Don't Trip (If You're a Real Tall Fella)
11. Don't Think That's Canon
12. Don't Do This to Me, Honky Bird
13. Don't Worry About Your Kid, Lady
14. Don't Forget Me
15. Don't Toy With Me, You Shitty Goron
16. (Don't) Kiss Me, Strong Wolf
17. Don't Get Lost, Sucker
18. Don't Get Grabbed by Morpheel's Scooper
19. Don't Want to Be a Dog Anymore
20. Don't See Men About Horses
21. Don't Rob the Rupe Stash
22. Don't Hire Budget Magicians
23. Don't Worry, We Fixed It
24. Don't Touch That Dial, It's Got SPEED on It!
25. Don't Worry, He's Blind
26. Don't Sniff That Nasty Fish
27. Don't Rock a Rhyme
28. Don't Get Hit by His Ball!
29. Don't Look in the Mirror
30. Don't Blatt, I Know What You're Playin'
31. Don't Think it Gets Any Better
32. Don't Go to Aaron's Parties
33. Don't Name My Videos, Octo
34. Don't Play ROLLGOAL
35. Don't Look Back in Time
36. Don't Wake Daddy Longlegs
37. Don't Create a Gamer Persona
38. Don't Hork Your Food, Kids
39. Don't Get Lost in Skytown
40. Don't Go Further Into Skytown
41. Don't Even GO to Skytown
--- Bonus!: Clawshot the Sun
42. Don't Get Handsy With Me
43. Don't Tweet From Twilight Town
44. Don't Talk to Me, I Zant Hear You
45. Don't Deal With Ordeals
46. Don't Be a Hero
48. Just Don't.