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Episode XIV: The ‘R’ Stands for ‘Retarded’
Let’s see how Claire's companion, Leon, is fairing.
That truck had friggin’ monstrous wheels. No wonder it ran over the squad car like it was a kiddie ramp.
Our man, Leon, is equipped with a pistol and knife as well. His pistol holds 18 rounds in the magazine, which is nice. His knife is still useless. For a sub-item, he has a lighter. Which will save a bit of time in about two or three areas, but will be largely useless beyond that. You have to wonder why the hell he’s carrying a zippo lighter when he’s a smug anti-smoking prick later on in the timeline.
Hey. Another DeLorean. I hope Marty’s antics don’t make another alternate 1985. You know, with flesh eating zombies. Still got to be better than the one with Biff and his mom having huge fake knockers.
Is it really necessary to have four separate signs on your restaurant advertising burgers? Three, maybe. But four seems excessive.
Another minor roadblock on the street forces Leon into a side area.
Which, just happens to be the back of the RPD. Lucky him. There’s a little cabin over there, but it is locked with a key.
Since Capcom is full of assholes, said key is located a whole three screens away. What designer for this series is such a strong advocate of these ten second obstacles?
Just as a forewarning. That cabin key? That’s the last normal fetch item we’re going to see for a very long time.
The cabin presents the game’s first save typewriter. Ink ribbon goes in, save comes out. There’s less saves available than there were in Nemesis, as each ribbon collected holds two saves instead of three. But, I saved at every save point in the game at least a couple times and ended up with 10 left at the first scenario, so it’s not a big worry.
Leon approaches the other side of the cabin. A gate is heard crashing open and zombies’ moans following. I wonder what that’s all about.
A new edition to the series at this point were female zombies. Arklay Mansion of Resident Evil 1 fame was a sausage fest, so Capcom saw it fit to add a female zombie model. ‘A’ as in one and that’s it. Oh well, baby steps. Nemesis adds a variety of feminine zombies, as well as fat ones and slightly short ones. Though, after that they apparently completely forgot the laws passed in zombie women’s rights and they were never seen again outside Outbreak. 
Leon climbs on up the stairs.
That poor, poor bastard…
A chubby policeman runs onto the roof. He looks like a Larry, so that’s what we’ll call him.
Nice to see the first of Raccoon City’s finest introduced still alive is morbidly obese.
The helicopter pilot responds over the chopper’s loudspeaker. He is also nameless, so let’s call him…eh…Ike.
Poor Larry’s heart just skipped a beat at the prospect of having to climb.
Sure, Leon could warn his fellow officer of the zombies shuffling up to him. But it was long since established he is a total dick. I suppose Ike could have said something as well. But, I think helicopters are like the Kevorkian suicide machine of the Resident Evil universe.
Larry doesn’t attempt to flee or evade the slow shambling monsters on the wide open rooftop. He instead backs himself into literally the only corner in the area. I think he deserves to die horribly at this point.
“Dude, my hand looks like a sock puppet. I am sooo high right now. You don’t even know.”
“Come on, stay on task Bud.”
“Though, now that you mention it, my hand sort of looks like a sock puppet too. You might be on to something.”
“I know. By the way, why the hell are we blue?”
“We were going to that support group last night, remember?”
Late 90’s CGI was unkind to the portly…
“Dude, high five!”
“Hey guy, there’s something above your lip. Let me get that for ya.”
While Larry couldn’t hit either of the zombies with an sub-machinegun from five feet away until they were right on top of him, he’s able to gun down Ike, accidentally, without a hitch.
Aww. 
Ike, with the last of his strength, gives one last ‘fuck you’ to Larry.
By evening out and crashing right into him.
“…I was actually going to work with these people?”
Tune in next time for black guys, tongues that would make Gene Simmons jealous, and places we’ve already seen in Episode XV: Aww Hell Naw.
Bonus Content
Leon gets thrust to death:
Video
I bet you thought I was going to yell “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!”, didn’t you? Ya tool.
Video
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