<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
Episode XIX: Wandering Idiots
When last we left our heroine, she’d decided splitting up would be the best way to solve this caper. My respect for her dropped even more than the abysmal rate it already was. With that said, let’s get this over with...
Hey, dual character progression. I’m digging it.
Claire heads back the way Leon just came from.
Since Leon is such a swell guy, the puzzle is solved for her. This time, offering…some sort of Aztec children’s building block… What the hell kind of bizzaro fetch quest is this going to be for these two?
Pocketing the bizarre little puzzle piece, Claire makes her way to the opposite wing of the RPD.
Where she happens upon the RPD official zippo lighter. How thoughtful. Claire only has one real use for this the whole game and it is coming up shortly. Anyhow, since we’re in the neighborhood, maybe Claire should toss that Red Jewel in its place beyond the chopper.
…what? I… But… Goddammit!
Now how the hell is she supposed to put that out? There is neither a bathroom nor a single fire extinguisher in this whole dump. And the water tank trick has been used. To make no mention of the way to it being blocked!
Oh… Somebody didn’t think this “zapping” system through, did they?
Oblivious to what had gone down here around twenty minutes ago, Claire ventures the little shack from the beginning of Leon’s scenario.
There, she finds the Bow Gun. This can be obtained earlier, from Kendo’s half eaten corpse. But it’s not worth the handgun ammo and Brad won’t appear if any items are collected.
The Bow Gun is rather lousy anyhow. It fires three bolts at a time which hit for mediocre damage… If they’re all hitting the same target. The thing is, the bolts spread soon after being fired. So unless the target is right on top of you, it probably will only get a single bolt which does piss poor damage. Coupled with the fact it only has 18 bolts before a reload is required (3 shots a piece, which means 6 shots between reloads), it has seldom a use during the game. Poor Claire gets a really shitty arsenal, outside the Grenade Launcher.
Also here is a valve… This would have been fucking useful if it’d been here half an hour ago!
Let’s see what’s shaking in the little parking lot from earlier.
Jesus H. Christ! THERE ARE ZOMBIES IN THE LOADING SCREEN!
That was a total dick move, Capcom. Total.
Claire returns and does the same song and dance Leon just went through. Sans giant green trench coat clad fellow.
The sound of a woman dying horribly in the next room greets Claire ears.
I… You could just ignore it, ya know? What if the screaming woman was right next to the wall? You’d blow her up. 
The statue filled room offers…the same key Leon just lifted off the little girl. This splitting up thing is extremely counter-productive. 
Claire still needs the other Red Jewel to finish off this fetch quest. Might as well get that out of the way while we’re thinking of it.
Recall this room? Ms. Redfield can use her newly swiped lighter to light the fire beneath the painting.
Which in turn burns a hole through the portrait, revealing the jewel. Couldn’t she have just punched a hole thing the thing? It would be no less logical punching a painting than it would lighting a fireplace to heat up the wall behind the painting in hopes it would burn through and reveal a gem.
This puzzle brought to you by late 80’s Sierra Adventure Games.
Oh well. While we’re in the area, we may as well put that shiny new key to use. It’s use being getting into areas that were unlocked a few hours ago.
The evidence room presents itself once more. The irony of breaking into it then lockpicking lockers open is almost palpable.
What? You mean the big lockers labeled EXPLOSIVE isn’t where you keep the evidence for petty theft? Marvin is really going to get chewed out for that foul-up.
Hmm. Explosive Bubble Yum. This is some Mission Impossible shit right here.
the helicopter is
a detonator…”
I’m shocked they didn’t have the two together and fully armed, given the competency rate of this place. Though, I’ve got to question why they even have blocks of C4 on hand.
Around back of the locker is another roll of film. Let’s hope this one is less creepy than the last.
FILM A
An arm with an eye on it. Umbrella Incorporated: Never stopping the pursuit of making things that are fucking useless.
Again, we’re in familiar territory. I wonder if Marv is kicking around still.
“Mr. Offfficeeeer! You lied to me about the other survivors. Are you still alright?”
“Hey, there you are. Listen, how did you manage to lock the door behind me so quick? I mean, I could barely get up from where you were and lock a door in that time and I’m a fit teenager.”
“Oh geez. You need a health spray? I had this crazy inside out screaming thing claw my leg open and it patched it right up.”
“Mr. Officer?”
“Eww. You should really get that looked at.”
“I think they have some cream for that. You need to use it for a few weeks but it usually works. It kinda dries out your skin but it’s better than having gross zits.”
“Like this one time I was going to this party at Jimmy’s and right before I went I had this huuuuuuge zit on my nose so I was just all ‘omigod’ and was so embarrassed. I had to put on like a pound of make up to hide it. I’m glad everyone was like way too smashed to notice.”
“AAAHHH!”
So dies the only black man in Raccoon City.
On the plus side, we got the full triggering mechanism for the C4. The Jihad can now begin.
There is one new memo on the desk. But, we’ll leave this for a certain RPD officer.
Claire could go on to blow up that wrecked wall. But, I feel it’s best she explored a bit more. This is the hallway outside the office area, which has nothing of interest to Claire, at the moment (other than that locked Heart Key door).
There is still a huge mob outside it. But they were nice enough to cluster in a single file for easy dispatching.
If this hallway leads to another hallway… I swear…
Son of a bitch!
Redrum indeed.
The hallway goes on for a ways, finally coming to a door which our handy new key can unlock.
Remember that fuse box for the shutters in the hallway where the Licker was encountered? This can be used there to close said shutters and prevent a zombie attack there at a later time. There’s also another area it can be used which I’ve yet to get to.
Seems that we’re in the interrogation room with one of those magic mirrors. I bet you a monster is going to smash through it as soon as I pick up the item. $50 down on the table.
How many of these things are there?
Looks like I’m out $50. As this is the one time Capcom decides to be crafty and wait until you pass by the window a second time before the monster breaks through. I can safely say this scared the bejesus out of me in my youth.
Two more doors are at the end of the hallway. The first one obviously leads to the observation room.
Which holds a Licker and some handgun bullets. So fuck that noise.
The door at the end of the hall is into blunt weaponry, which we lack at the moment.
With nothing left to do downstairs, Claire returns to the statue room near the chopper wreck.
I guess it wasn’t that much effort to render an FMV of a statue’s chestplate opening. Considering they already rendered the entire building and have it cooling on the backburner for such occasions.
Oh, what is this? I don’t even know what these puzzle pieces go to and I’m already annoyed.
There’s only one way to relieve annoyances such as this.
Blowing shit up with reckless abandon.
Good thing the roof didn’t cave in or anything. What with the decent sized plastic explosive and all.
Holy cow! Look at that! It’s a goddamn raccoon! A raccoon in Raccoon City. I never would have imagined.
Did we suddenly go from the “Mid-West” to the “Deep South”?
Ya know, that really doesn’t look like something a monster would do. That looks more like a violent stabbing or something like that. Especially, considering she's draped out on the table like a prize catch on display. Now who could have—
Oh dear… This can’t end well…
Tune in next time for heavily abridge retreads, item collection shenanigans, basements, and more working girl dressed women in Episode XX: The Big Scoop.
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index