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Episode XXXI: Love at First Bite
When last we left our hero, he’d just discovered Ada Wong doesn’t know a goddamn thing about first-aid. With that said, let’s get the hell out of the sewers…
I’m really surprised nobody ran into giant mutant rats while down here. I mean, I’d have to think munching on the damn virus straight out of the can would cause a bit of mutation. Then again, despite all the experimentation, there hasn’t been any lab rats used by Umbrella. Scorpions, moths, people, sharks, dogs, salamanders. No rats…
The pair trot on down to the cable car.
That jerk, Claire. You may have noticed I broke the back and forth trend for the sewer section. Well, as linear as it is, Leon and Ada would have to be about a minute behind Claire and Sherry and have some Scooby Doo chase scene style near misses for everything to work out.
Leon calls back the cable car from points unknown. Nobody questions its presence in the tail end of the sewer. Ada and Leon just stare in silence at it grinds towards them.
The game gets exciting again soon, promise…
“Is that a giant mutant arm sticking out of the ceiling?”
“Yup, chief. I think it is.”
“Reckon we should shoot it?”
“It’s a safe guess, partner.”
While it appears Birkin was attacking the pair. This is actually the only way he can get his nails clipped anymore.
Birkin gives up his rather half-assed assault and hauls ass down the pointless corridor complex to catch up with Claire and have a boss fight.
The cable car comes to a halt.
At the tram’s destination, Leon can utilize his lighter to properly discover the hidden key. I’d really like to know who’s job it is to come up with the ten second gameplay stretching elements obstacles in this series.
The pair continue into the pointless corridor factory and come upon the dead end zombie of weaponry bounty, of which Claire earlier received a divine gift of kooky laser taser blaster thing.
Leon’s upgrade is just a bit more potent… The custom shotgun is made of pure ass kicking and is capable of leveling entire mobs of zombies in a single shot. Upward shot resulting in decapitation? Pfft. We’re now at upward shots resulting in a zombie loosing its upper torso. The only drawback is each shot nearly knocks Leon on his ass. But hey, who can say no to this thing.
The duo make their way to the Act’s final save room.
What? This is yet another generic untidy room with a few consoles, a type writer, and a magic save box. What makes this remotely special.
Leon storms out to take a smoke break.
“Eh…?”
“I think I found the ‘hidden’ thing…”
Officer Kennedy ventures inside and proceeds to update his video blog on Youtube. The man’s got priorities.
The little area is revealed to be…yet another monitoring room. Then…what was the point of the one upstairs? Is this monitoring room watching that one? Then who’s monitoring this monitoring room?
In either case, Leon finds a shiny new U key. Added to his collection of the K, C, Y, O, an F keys.
I figure now is as good a time as any to watch some television.
“Seen it…”
“Seen it…”
“Don’t want to see it…”
“Yuck, subtitles.”
“Oh, come on!”
“Damn it! Someone’s going to pay for this!”
“Look, I threw your crazy oversized hat out the window back in the RPD. It didn’t fit right and it looked silly. I’m sorry, alright. Once I get my first paycheck I’ll get you a new one.”
“¡Usted no tiene un trabajo!”
“Hey, shut up with your guttural babbling!”
Leon returns to the redundant monitoring room.
“Hey, Ada?”
“Yes?”
“Did an eight foot tall guy in a big green trench coat come through here?”
“Yes, just a few minutes ago. He was looking for his hat. He said you borrowed it or something. I think that was it. I haven’t taken Spanish since high school. I pointed him in your direction and he thanked me and left. Did he find you…?”
“Yeah… Yeah, you could say that…”
We’ve done this song and dance already. Still, no questions are raised why the hell they’re suddenly descending straight down from a train car.
A few moments of staring at one another in silence later.
The Axe Effect: It can happen anywhere.
“Ugh… S-stop…yelling my name… D-dickhead… Ohhh…”
While we’re in the neighborhood, I’d just like to point out one thing: the only toilet in all of Raccoon City. In a train car… Which is actually an elevator… Which means when flushed, it probably drops hundreds of feet below. It must really suck to be waiting for the lift at shift changes…
As Leon is equally as moronic as Claire. Perhaps, a pinch less. But still no scholar. He heads out to battle with the monster that stabbed Ada in the face (yet somehow managed to cut her abdomen…)
Willie B. sure has a sporadic mutating time table. A few days as a shambling wreck that could barely walk straight.
Now he’s got the Goro-style four arm thing going on. A new head. Face nipple. Token exposed oversized heart.
Oh, and a random three foot growth spurt. Those B.O.W. fellows sure do grow up fast. *sniff*
This battle… I’ve got nothing… It’s about as uninspired a boss fight as you could possibly muster… So, I’ll give it the same in return…
That’s all you deserve, Birkin 3
Terrible YTMND sites. William Birkin’s only weakness!
Leon returns inside since the elevator door lock apparently only responds to crazy monsters and Pop singers being about.
The elevator grinds to a halt.
to problems with
overheating.”
Well maybe, just maybe, they shouldn’t have put a fucking train car on the thing.
Leon quickly averts his eyes to hide his staring intently at her rack.
“Well, we’re not so much ‘inside Umbrella’s secret lab’ as we are ‘stuck on the lift going to Umbrella’s secret lab’. But, details…”
She’s telling this to a guy with an untreated bullet wound in his chest? I don’t think getting winged by a big ass finger nail is going to slow someone down quite as much.
Oh Christ… Is it possible to get through one action game with characters of the opposite gender not falling deeply in love with one another after three hours and exchanging maybe a written page of dialogue between one another.
“What about that John guy?
“John was just hung like a horse.”
“…”
You know, I had my better half fall in love with me by yelling her name constantly and riding lifts and elevators in complete silence. Oh, and that romantic cruise through the pools of human waste. Sure, I didn’t take a bullet for her. But, we did share a steamy love note over the mutilated corpse of a reporter. 
Leon departs for the outside. Giant mutants hopping around seem to be the only significant danger the lock system looks out for. Employees wandering around when the motor burns out and potentially dropping off the several hundred foot edge of the lift? Pfft.
How very convenient…
Leon makes like a first person shooter star and crawls on out of this act…
Bonus Content
Birkin Kills Leon with Style:
Video
With that, so ends the Sewer Section of Resident Evil 2. Tune in for the third and final act of the game in…
PART 5 – THE LABORATORY
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