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Episode XXXIV: Filmmakers
Welcome back to the third and final act of our ongoing series. Pop in that second disc if you’re playing on the Gamecube and get ready.
After a rather obscenely long venture into medieval locales inhabited by crazed cultists, our hero, Leon Scott Kennedy, managed to defeat Ramon Salazar. Unfortunately, Ashley Graham, the President’s Daughter, had been taken, by Jack Krauser, to a nearby island controlled by the Los Illuminados and the stronghold of Osmund Saddler. With the help of the mysterious Ada Wong, Leon makes chase in hopes of rescuing her. Will he succeed in his mission? Let’s continue and find out…
This is not stock footage of the earlier boat going to an island clip. No sir.
Leon sneaks a peak at Ada’s boobs, hoping his emo hair will allow his gaze to go undetected.
Ada is not fooled. Unfortunately, she takes her eyes off the road for just a moment.
A grave miscalculation.
Women drivers… 
REWIND <<<<<<<
Ada decides to pull into the nearby cliffside.
Ada, you shouldn’t drive with your feet. Didn’t you see the All-State commercials with the guy changing his pants and the Black President from 24?
“In a sub-scenario portion that isn’t reused from the main game…”
Super Ada, away!
Leon is astonished. He thought all that nonsense about Asians being able to fly was just anime fluff.
Unfortunately, Ada’s take-off sends the boat careening about wildly just feet away from the cliff edge.
“How do you stop this crazy thing?!”
After a brief struggle, Leon crashes to a stop on shore.
“Scare the shit out of me…”
Leon climbs onto shore. Just as he does, he gets a little buzz on his communicator.
“Oh, how did this prick get my number? I’ve got to get Caller ID.”
He spilled coffee on the snide remark on his script.
“Like your entire plan hinged upon… Remember? About half a game ago?”
“Not like I left him in charge of my second largest piece of real estate and most cult operations or anythings…”
At least Leon hasn’t gotten to thinking this was some epic struggle he’s involved in. It’s about on par the GI Joes combating with a Cobra Commander scheme of the week on the scale of villainy.
Is Saddler laughing here or is the burning truth just dawning upon him…?
Check the Bonus Content at the end to decide…
Whelp, the a nice new setting is before Leon. We can say goodbye to every last enemy type we’ve seen up to this point. It’s a design decision and in no part due to the Gamecube game being too big to fit on a single disc.
A short cavern jog brings Leon to a new Ganado outpost.
Just then…
You’re just now getting her off the beach? You were half way to the island when I was fighting Salazar. The hell have you been doing up until now? Bingo?
Leon enters the outskirt ruins.
“Intruder spotted! Sending back-up units to the Island Opening Sector.”
Leon could never get past that stealth section on the Deus Ex tutorial.
The nearby Ganado are alerted. Which is rather pointless, since as soon as you fired a single shot they’d be piling in anyway, and you’d need to fire a shot to take out that spotlight. Anyway…
A new type of Ganado inhabit the Island: the Soldiers. There’s not a lot of difference between these and their predecessors. They have a bit more hit points than Zealots and seem slightly more aggressive. They all dress as mercenary types or convicts (some are also equipped with metal helmets and gasmasks, making them bullet proof when hit there) and sound downright demonic compared to the Villagers or spaced out Zealots.
As far as head bursting Plagas go, they only have the blade tentacle head and the face hugger type. The gummy worm variety dies with the Zealots.
They use a mix between the Zealots and Villager weaponry, with a few additions, such an electric stun baton.
With an occasional exception… That being…
You know, a mini-gun…
This fine fellow is J.J., who is basically the Island’s closest equivalent to Dr. Salvador. Though, the chaingun is not an instant kill and he’s kind of silly. He is also, not a jet plane. So don’t ask.
Rifles, they are not his friend.
Dealing with the Ganado in the area, Leon makes haste toward Ashley’s last location. Touching the door reveals…
A laser beam zapping out to a mirror mounted on a nearby building. What’s its purpose?
Making sure Leon never has children…
Leon climbs the mirror to investigate.
The first rule of secret island bases is not to have you insignia with laser beams shooting onto it in the night… The Cobra connection goes ever stronger…
Anyhow, Leon must rotate this laser to hit a nearby mirror.
Then rotate that mirror to hit the nearby do-dad.
Which reopens the door. Capcom really doesn’t want to put any of these maps to waste, do they?
Leon makes his merry path along.
“Guys, my cousin O’Doyle back in Pueblo told me this trick works every time.”
At least it’s not barrels…
Looks like someone is playing GMod with Leon…
A bit of horseplay, and Leon finds a ladder leading up. Why not?
This dumps him in a cliff edge outpost of similar design. With more of the caves and Ganado and less of the pointless mirror tomfoolery.
You really can see your house from up here…
Assume there was action and mild interest taking place…
A Merchant is ducking down in here. One of the rare occasions he is in a potentially enemy filled location.
He’s selling the Killer7 here. Odd, but interesting game. Crummy magnum. I really can’t say much anything special about it, it’s inferior to the Broken Butterfly in most every way in the long run. Especially, reload animation.
Leon does some shopping accordingly and ducks into the hill top facility.
Indoors is poorly lit, run down, covered in filth. But, they’ve got enough spam to make it through a war or two. (Note: Anyone know what that acronym stands for?)
While rummaging through the Ganado’s kitchen, Leon comes upon a few curious items…
Video
Yeah, I bet you could. 
Watson, we’re on to something.
A good question, for once… Likely, going by the current track record, he was cooking some burgers just before Leon got here, tripped, and has been locked in until just then.
Moving right along
Wow…you’re big… Could afford to do a bit of exercise too, if you don’t mind me saying.
This vaguely pro wrestler/Mortal Kombat B-list looking chap is armored in his feet and entire body. That’s not to say, a shotgun blast won’t send him reeling. It’s just that it’ll do no damage.
Simple solution to this situation. But, just a heads up.
Leon hears Ashley’s cries coming from a nearby room. He rushes in.
Leon desperately attempts to tune-in the Maury. They’re doing a DNA test episode and he needs in on that action.
Oh, ‘My Super Sweet 16: The Revenge’ is on.
*smacks the box and wiggles rabbit ears*
“How you doin’.”
*zip* “This is getting good…”
“I’ma show you where mah tentacle bursts from when it aint comin’ out mah head.”
“Oh… uhh… I mean Jihad!”
Saddler left his webcam going.
At least they new Ganado are keeping with the disco funk.
How did we go from Crazed Villagers > Creepy Cultists > Rapeface Mercs? I swear, if Trigens show up next, I’m done.
*zip* “Shucks…”
Pornographers…
Yeah, I saw. Wash your hands on the way out.
What fate will befall Ashley? Did Leon make it all the way? Tune in next time to find out in Episode XXXV: Smile
Bonus Content
Saddler's small time…
Video
And Saddler’s spare time:
http://www.myspace.com/xxplagasdudexx
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