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Episode V: Stand Back, I’m a Doctor!
When last we left our adventures, Ms. Wong had fought off an undoubtedly violent attacker with a checkered past on her way to ring a bell in hops that the brutal mob hell bent on gutting Mr. Kennedy. Also, Leon jumped down a three story tower to escape a small fire on the other side of the room.
Let’s continue…
Leon snaps his knees back into place and carries himself to another nearby residency. Would there be evil inside?
I haven't updated my Livejournal all day!
Wishful thinking, good sir. Wishful thinking.
Where am I? What day is today? What is the deal with airline peanuts?
Mean game of Madden going on down at the other side of town.
Stop screenlooking you fag!
Dr. Salvador arrives on the scene. Yes, that is the chainsaw wielding guy’s name and yes, he is a doctor.
Leon pushes a wooden dresser against the wooden door to thwart the psychopath with a device used for cutting wood.
Apparently, they do not have stairs in their house.
An angry mob that can only attack you close up. A small impossible to defend with a single person building. A wee bit poorly thought out plan, ace.
Man, Sam from Clarissa Explains It All aged horribly.
No, you’re a son of a…!
Leon pushes yet another flimsy wooden fixture against the remaining window.
Before heading upstairs to find…
…conveniently placed weaponry. Why one of these guys wasn’t waiting behind the door of the house with it loaded and at the ready, a mystery to all.
His arsenal bolstered, Leon pushes some more elderly folks off a ladder.
This is how I found Santa wasn’t real too.
Leon rushes past across the rooftops. Jumping off the roof. He has the knees of a 63 year old by this point.
Down below, Leon checks up on his old buddy Cop Dos
All this so his insurance rates didn’t go up. Man, those Geico commercials are getting dark
Not learning his lesson the first time, Leon bolts for another enclosed building. This time, a windowless one story affair.
Inside, Leon quickly loots the place for all it’s worth. However, the back room, where they undoubtedly keep the good china, is under lock and key.
Come on, man. It’s a ten round magazine. I thought the second time you were surrounded and out of ammo would have learned you.
No, this this is the local’s way of breaking the ice.
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice.
The Superfriends have been really letting this place go.
Ada makes her way up to the front door. It wouldn’t be a Resident Evil game if it wasn’t locked with some arbitrary emblem, jewel, or machinery part. In this case, an emblem locked in a machinery piece which must be replaced by a jewel.
Ada runs about back to find the aforementioned arbitrary puzzle. Nevermind there are second story windows and she has a grappling hook.
’
Ahh, here we are.
Now, what you’re supposed to do is go look at the graves back in the start area and check out the ones with special symbols to find out which you’re supposed to light up by spinning the dial.
But that’s boring.
(The answer is 3 4 4 4 3 4 4 4 3 if you’re wondering)
It’s sort of like a ridiculously complex version of leaving a spare set of keys under the doormat.
Unfortunately, the gate slams shut and two enemies spawn behind Ada. It’s like Doom 3 all over again.
Ada disposes of the pair and replaces the item, releasing her from the short wall she could easily climb over, I mean there’s even a wooden stepping piece next to it. She’s even got a grappling gun. Come on!
Meanwhile
Leon, in his infinite wisdom, manages to box himself into a room with no exits while no less than two or three dozen pissed people bare down upon him.
Leon reaches for the grenade he pulled out of a bird corpse two updates ago. Pulls the pin and throws.
To great success.
Oh hey, one made it. Should be easy to finish off.
Sweet fancy Moses!
Ada, meanwhile, rounds the corner toward a flimsy bridge overlooking a lake in search of something or other to operate that doodad with the thingamabob.
I told you I was hardcore.
On the other end of the bridge, Ada finds that something or other she seeks. Which is carefully stored on the ground guarded by a woman with a chainsaw. I thought I was paranoid putting that security system in my door at home.
Considering Ada has little more than a pistol and a subpar shotgun, there may need to be drastic measures taken.
Namely, running back a ways, across a gap. Wait for Ms. Pacman to arrive.
Give her an extra air hole.
Then spin kicking her off a fifty foot drop.
???
Profit!
Ada returns to the gate closing item swapping security device and replaces the item so Leon will have an arbitrary puzzle of similar design later.
The villagers will not have their foolproof system foiled by FAQs.
But, Ada ignores them and enters the Church.
Wonder how Leon’s doing?
Ohh…
At least there won’t be any more fighting for seats at mass.
Upstairs will surely be a switch or pullstring for the bell.
At that time, Leon manages to down the good doctor.
And reap in that sweet doctor cash.
*obligatory use of ‘boomstick’ in regards to use of a shotgun*
Back to upstairs with Ada
Somewhere out there, someone just finished watching the Resident Evil movie.
On the other side of the foyer, Ada finds the way to activate the bell. But spinning dials of stained glass behind a spotlight to match the symbol of the cult. Did we fall into a Sierra adventure game at some point?
This puzzle is retardedly easy. Just pick a quarter, match colors shapes to what they would show up as the middle image. The thing promptly flips and resets, leaving Leon an equally easy puzzle later.
As well as an excuse to swing across the chandelier. Not included: puffy shirt.
The Cole Train is on dah rails. Wooooo!
Things look grim for Leon, when.
Yo quiero taco…?
“Maybe you have to.”
“We’ve got football to watch.”
“…has a new HD-TV guys.”
And so, hey all shuffle off toward the church to watch football on Lord Saddler’s HDTV. How any sensible riot should end.
Leon is left alone in the town to make lame jokes to himself. No doubt doing one of those annoying self laughs afterwards.
Well, alone except for Wesker watching him from a satellite in space. Sunglasses on face, hand in pants, a twinkle in his yellow monster eyes.
Tune in next time for Episode VI: Return of the Filler
Bonus Content: It's never Lupus.
Video
Also, we've finished Separate Ways Chapter 1! 
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