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After a rousing bout of plot expository Full
Motion Video Introductions, it's time for the in-game plot exposition
to take place. Hold on Drake, you can't get down to the business of
hunting rats yet, there's information to be gleaned from floating ball
sources. Ready thyself for tiny images of questionable entertainment
value!
I missed the next part of dialogue, so I'll just assume it goes "The
mystic mirror of Afri will aid your personal grooming and overall
upkeep of appearance"
That's one sexy adventurer, to be sure. Thera may have forced me to
abandon the flesh (god I hope no hobos happen across my juicy,
unprotected corpse) but she at least had the decency to manifest me
some pants.
Time to fuck shit up and then steal it, and in that order. What wonders
will this broken table hold? A board with a nail in it? A board with no
nail?
Phase 1: Collect two rocks, a human skull and a dried root of health
replenishment. Phase 2: Introduce rocks to evildoers face
Nice tip. I don't suppose you'd happen to know if there's something
better than a couple rocks around, would you? Like some actual
weaponry? No? Well, thanks anyways, for the "get weaponry" tip. How the
hell did the Shadow King ever manage to get the drop on a stunning
tactician like yourself
I don't want to be rude, but other than forcibly tearing me out of my
body and dumping me in this shithole, what exactly do you bring to the
table? "Get Weapons"? "Head downard"? You're lucky I've got nothing but
a couple of pebbles
Ah, shit. So there was a dagger and some rotten leather armour right
outside the door. Well, this is a little awkward. I'm still not going
to apologize, because quite frankly Thera's retarded
Shit, that little brown ant is coming right at my. No way in hell am I
fighting a man crazed ant, I haven't even stretched yet. Have a nice
life here in the tiny loop, ass.
Psyche, I snuck up behind him and went all Solid Snake on his ass. It was all very dignified and above board, I assure you.
Ah, so these are those "Stairs Leading Down" you prophesized. What an
epic journey. Went through a door, traversed all of 9 squares, and
threw a rock at an ant. This is going to be a pretty fucking long trip
if you tell me what's coming up in the next thirty seconds. Maybe we
should split up to cover more ground? We'll talk more at the bottom of
the stairs
Holy shit, I recognize you from such events as that time you wiped out
my village M Bison style and that time were I saw you just now! I don't
know who this crazy blue bitch is, we just met.
"Your champion"? I don't recall signing on to fight for you! I'm down
here to see if maybe there's a tired, dirty, hairy but otherwise
grateful Elizabeth and maybe find and crush my old dog's skull if
there's time
Yeah, you tell her. I'm with you man, blue orbs are the pits. Well, I
think you've got everything under control, figure I'll be heading back
up to my body now, I imagine it can't be too happy just lying there in
the dirt. Plus I think I fell on a rock.
Here we see the migty Khull-Khum, cupping the balls. A+ for technique, but minus points for cold hands and inordinate crushing
"You are too puny to be worth smashing, so I'll let you live for shits
and giggle"? Yeah, that's never blown up in the villains face before.
Not that I'm criticizing, I'm a pretty big fan of this "No destroying
Drake" policy
Poof, gone. Off to do whatever deities do when they aren't telling
regular folks how they're too busy to waste time talking with regular
folks because of how busy they are. It's time consuming ensuring
everyone knows how far they are beneath you and how easily you could
smight them, had you the time
It's just you and me now, dessicated remains. Don't think I'm a bad
person for doing this, but I'm going to smash your bones on the off
chance there is a meaningless reward crammed in your ribcage. Seems to
me like it's the only fair way to proceed, really
Well, having talked to a douche and the Shadow King and killed an ant I
figure it's time to do some saving. So here you go, have a gander at
the save screen. Pretty functional, no? Ha ha ha, games back then had
no quicksave, how lame
Soldiering on, I came across a Sharga. These critters are like ants
except large, highly visible, tough and deadly. Going mano a mano with
one at this low level would be a true test of my heroic mettle.
Or I could chuck rocks threw the door. AI exploits are the name of the game here.
This is less about stabbing him in the face(he's too far away) and more
about pointing at him menacingly, like I'm going to come in there and
cut him into tiny green and red chunks and eat them and later pass them
uncomfortably.
But then I am just a spectre in a stupid leather shirt and dirty pants,
so what the fuck. Time instead for a healthy dosage of rock to the face.
Getting stoned to death takes a lot out of a sharga, so this cute
little fella decides to lay down for awhile, and scatter his equipment
all around him so that I can take it and put it neatly off to the side
for him for when he wakes up in a year or two.
But what's this, he has a message! Throgs? Those guys suck even harder
than Shargas! They're like two shargas stapled together with a badger
for a face and lamprey hands. Hopefully whoever sent this message
dispatched all of the throgs from here so it'll be smooth sailing for
me.
Seeing as this clown is going to be out of it for awhile (until they
cure having your skull bashed open and the ensuing crevace violated
repeatedly), so's I'm figuring he may have no need of this shitty
sharga sword.
This may be ten times larger than a dagger, but I'm still going to use
it in the exact same way. Hey, I don't recall telling anyone that I was
actually a talented swordsman or anything. I only ever learned the
"stab the guy in the line in front of me in the back" move and that's
all I'm going to use.
Sweet, a wall hole! I remember why we had those! For wall-hole related
activity, the kind that went on all the time back in the day
Shit, the wall-hole has become a wall-ant-hole! And he's coming right
for me! Thera never said anything about having to fight multiple copies
of the same enemy type, this is bullshit!
Addendum
Randbrick posted:
Argh, you
forgot the dagger. You had to pop the lever down and up and then back
down, walk around the first area in a circle, and find the hidden
brick. But it's too late now.
At the very least, make sure you charge up the quack rune to max strength.
There's the Dagger in question. Such a sweet game, I played through it
a few times in the mid 90s and yet there's still new shit to find.
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