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Are you pausing for dramatic effect? Spit it out or we'll move on without you finishing your thought! Don't push me, I'll do it

This ought to shut the little bastard up

The small, hideous, comical rather than scary element? Because I've met Khull-Khum and this statue not only didn't make me shit my pants from fear, I think I'm about to piss myself laughing. And just a heads up but there's bound to be some splatter effect somewhere around right in Dombur's mouth

Time to grab the shit out of throggi's eye. Or more correctly, time to grab the green shiteye out of throggi's eyesocket

A short time and a slight poisoning later we deduce conclusively that the green eye cannot be removed but the red eye can. And turns out it is an orb that increased Drake's attack rate by a ridiculous amount. The bow and arrow has become the most powerful weapon in the game because the arrows are now fired faster than Blaine's minigun. The only downside is that the arrows have to be manually picked up after every kill, so there's no fucking way I'm using it except for the most dire situations. Picking up skulls and shit is a full time job, adding arrows into the mix would be a recipe for nothing edible

So long stink temple, time to take Drake and murder trio on the road

Spectacles beyond comprehension, terrors and delights that are as new and uniquely foreign to us as the concept of not being knocked out and waking up pantsless is to my travelling companions. The excitement, it is too much. What wonders will we encounter first?

A sharga

A snake

A mushroom

A rockpile

Fuck yeah it's a teleportation rune! Half of one, anyway. It's a sweet teleportation system where you inscribe a marker on the ground with one and use the other to teleport back to that marker from wherever you are. What's extra special sexy is that it teleports you from a given point back to the original circle, and then upon second casting it will take you back to the given point, which is the first point you were at when the thing was originally cast from the given point. This seems like a definate sign that things are changing, and the retread of past shit has finished. Time for an all new adventure scheme!

Fucking hell, an ant? Is this level the Stonekeep version of a clipshow?

Finally a chest with a box in it. But wait, it looks like a dwarven box! Which is probably like a regular box but smaller. And hairier.

Shh, remember the guards? Whenever you feel like talking, remember there may be guards around and just not

Maybe it was the other identical box we were just at and took an identical box out of?

I just told you, it looks like a box we saw thirty seconds ago. Also, guards!

A fancy pants suit of armor laying beside a huge rock? Nothing suspicious about that

From worst to best, I'm now dressed in a manner becoming of my antslayer status. Now to walk triumphantly away

Kyas, the rock is giving chase! Stay away rock, I already have a pet rock at home I got to replace all of those dogs that have died under my watch. I'll use force if I have to!

That rock sure called my bluff. Instead we all dive into this alcove and watch it roll harmlessly by. Now let it not be said that I couldn't outsmart a rock!

It's probably important to point out I was walking backwards and what they're talking about is behind me. When they're done jabbering away I'll turn around. As it is now it may be a little out of context but that's just how it goes sometimes

Getting interesting, isn't it? What could it possibly be? Some kind of shimmering, magickal barrier? An illusion of epic intricacies?

It's almost time for the big reveal! Get ready to be blown...away!

A door with a green mark on it! Next time, the Behind the Green (marked) Door


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