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Stonekeep can pretty much be summed up as such: the gameplay is as bad as the atmosphere is good. The visuals, voice acting, setting, characters and overall depth made up for the awkward control scheme and the bland movement. This game was so fucking awesome the box was shaped like a gravestone and had a holographic skeleton on the cover. It also came with a novel with a bit of backstory that really helps to flesh out the universe and ain't a half bad read. The book features very few characters from the games as it predates the game by a few years and stars some dude named Wraith

I fucking loved this game back in the day and recently decided to fire up the old Dos Box and give it another go, so I figured I'd share this little gem with those of you who are interested. The intro video will probably eat up the first two updates, and after that we can get into the 4 furious degrees of action

These are the guys what made this game. Or at least took credit for it, in green space monolith space form.

Here you can see the quaint hill-top stronhold of Stonekeep. Seems like a bit of an odd place to build the titular keep, as any enemy force would probably be so tired and unable to fight after climbing up to it that all it would do is rub insult into the injury, Insult and regular salt, for extra bitter.

This would be the front gate to said keep, with Elizabeth the Apple girl going about her rounds. Times are good for these chumps, but will it last? Let's watch

Now Old Man McOldandWise has an apple to power his powers of consideration and thinking. Another slice of daily life in Stonekeep

What's this? Someone's chopping wood! But who?

Come now, don't be shy

Who's over there!

Oh, hello Elizabeth. I've got some wood for you. On that log pile! Shit, I'm so bad at innuendo

Would you like an apple? It's not as shiny as you, but it probably tastes less like a fat sweaty pervert

That apple's not even surrounded by a delicious pastry crust? Bollocks on this you trollop!

I'd rather have your apples, if you get my drift! Low cut blouse apples, that is

Oh, who's this precocious little scamp watching over the daily courtyard grope? It's our hero, Drake, descendent of Wraith probably.

Oh snap, looks like the dog caught young master Drake spying on Elizabeth and Sags Hardwood

No witnesses!

Dog doesn't know what the fuck

Sorry, but if Sweats McGee finds out about this he'll chop me up like I was cordwood after crushing me like I was Elizabeth's tits

Just kidding, I'm just cutting an apple I got from Elizabeth in half with a sword while pretending it's a dragon. Because I'm a stupid kid, that's the kind of shit we do.

Thank Christ, I thought today was going to turn out poorly for me for a second there

Meanwhile, out front Jacques notices something happening in the vicinity of skyward

Black Clouds are eating the sun for some reason. Maybe there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this

Drake yells out a warning to his dog. Look out, there's black mist about!

Here's another life lesson for you, never turn your back on The Hooded Child Snatcher.

Stop looking out the window and help your master! You know, the one who was threatening to smash you in the face with the sword thirty seconds ago! He'd do the same for you, if there was a possibility of threatening you with a sword at a later date!

Get away from the fucking window, there's shadow there!

Too late. Looks like your days of dog threatening are temporarily delayed

When last we saw our noble kindling technician he was getting busy seducing the apple girl, yet now she's nowhere to be seen and he's running for his life. From the shadow, or from what lurks beneath Elizabeth's frock? Given that this game came out in the mid 90s and didn't receive a harsh rating I guess it's safe to say we'll never know for sure.

He may be down, but I wouldn't count him out just yet

Well shit, looks like we may be stuck with the kid.


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