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*THE RULES*
Only swords allowed for weapons
Popper-human explosions simulated by a person dropping two vortex mines simultaneously
No flying armor
No androids
Nothing else
Friday, April 28, 17:00
*RECORDING CONTINUES*
----
Psion: Okay guys. This it, the most important thing you’ll ever do in your lives. It’ll probably be your last. These white stones are our target. We’ll find the locations of these stones, then the bombs will rush in and take them out. When all the stones are destroyed, the building will die and we’ll get the heck out of here. Swordsmen go first. Move!
Lacroix: I see something up ahead.
Lacroix: The entrance to some kind of large structure, I see a popper already.
Jihad Joe: 
Jihad Joe: 
Psion: I see another large structure over here, I’m going to investigate.
Jihad Joe: 
Jihad Joe: Alalalalalalala!!!!!!!
Fearless Decoy: You catch any of that, Everett?
Everett Haran: Not really. Maybe something about seventy-two hybrid virgins? OH! That reminds me! I found something in the locker the X-COM guys gave me. It used to belong to some now deceased soldier, cool-something. I found a box in this locker. When I opened it, I found a HUGE stash of hybrid porn!
Fearless Decoy: Hybrid porn? That gets me HOT!
Everett Haran: Wait for me my brother!
Liberal L33t: I see some poppers up ahead. I’ll take the blast and take out as many as I can!
Liberal L33t: The explosions will open the doorway into Heaven!
KGB Agent-185: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap….
KGB Agent-185: I’m going to run in there. Wish me luck!
Psion: I’ve made it to the structure. There are aliens coming out of the people tubes, I’ll try and take them out. I’ll need some explosive firepower soon!
Liberal L33t: AAAAHHHHH, THIS IS NOT A GLORIOUS EXPLOSION!!!!
KGB Agent-185: I’m going in!
KGB Agent-185: Take this you scum!
Lacroix: Nice! Two poppers, two anthros and L33t all killed! That’s a good start, everyone, rush inside now!
Lacroix: En garde! How appropriate, you fight like a cow!
Brettbot: This is the end for me….and you!
Nice Aaron: Kekeke! I made it to the elevator thingy! Everyone, get inside!
Psion: You’re as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
Psion: No, no, no! Don’t you know anything about the rules! Where’re you going?
Fecking Wheel: They’ve found us! RUN!
Mighty Steed: AH! I’ve been shot! Can’t……….
Nice Aaron: These aliens are guarding some stones! Bombs! Get up here!
Ice7, CBN-4400: Coming!
Psion: Fine, run away, I don’t need to fight you anyway.
Cap’n Sibhod: Brainsucker pods! Watch your heads!
Elmo Oxygen: These things don’t look so bad. One sword swipe will kill them. Why did the X-COM guys warn us about them so much?
Fecking Wheel: AAAHHHHH!!!!
[I don’t know what happened here. Fecking Wheel blew up somehow and killed Sindai, Puistokemisti, and Deadly Hume, who then also blew up.]
CBN-4400: Try and stop me now!
Ice7: Off to commit suicide! Please remember to feed my cat!
Psion: I think the only stones left are above my postion. Everyone, get over here now!
Psion: Huh, where did this corpse come from? I wonder if his vortex mine will work…
MGargly: You heard him, run!!
Eric Wilkes: I’m right behind you!
Fatness: INCOMING!!!!
Nice Aaron: From where?
Lacroix: 
WE’RE GOING TO DIE!
THS: NOT GONNA MAKE IT!
Psion: Maybe the alien grenade I pick up will work…
Psion: Whoa! Who are you guys?!
UberJew: X-COM soldier UberJew.
YourWay: Soldier YourWay. Who are you?
Psion: I’m a new hire. We’re here to destroy the building with our suicide soldier-bombs and rescue any missing soldiers.
YourWay: Oh thank God. You have no idea how much UberJew was complaining that it sucks that he was going to die, that he was never going to be heard from again…it took a lot of self-restraint for me to not stab him.
UberJew: Fuck off, YourWay. Now you, soldier – you’re not leading any aliens over here are you? We’ve been hiding up here for days. Did you just give away our position?
Psion: Uh…
THS: They’re following us!!!!
MGargly: SAVE US PSION!!!
Eric Wilkes: PSION! WHERE IS THE PLATFORM YOU’RE AT?!? I THINK YOU SAID TO THE NORTH-WEST, IS THAT RIGHT? THE STONE PLATFORM TO THE NORTH-WEST?!
Psion: Uh…maybe we’d better start evacuating. At least that alien grenade worked and blew up some of the stones.
Lacriox: Good idea about leaving, I’m hurt. I’ll go prep the ships and try and stop my bleeding.
Eric Wilkes: I….can’t….another step…..bleeding…..
MGargly: THS, looks like it’s just you and me left with the bombs.
THS: Let’s do this one three. One...two...THREE!!!
UberJew: I’ll go confirm the destruction.
UberJew: FUCK!!! There’s still two stones left! And none of our weapons work!
YourWay: Then there’s no way we’ll ever destroy this building!!!! Aliens coming from inside, I think I see a brainsucker coming up from the tube. We’re doomed! DOOOOOOMED!!!
UberJew: Hold on, I’ve got an idea.
Psion: And to think I couldn’t wait for the day when I could cut open an X-COM member. How things have changed…
Psion: Goodbye, YourWay. I’m sorry for what I’ve had to do.
Psion: Whoa, that just missed me! I’m getting out of here!
Psion: UberJew, it’s all up to you now!
UberJew: Building full of aliens. Weapons not working. Surrounded. Screwed.
UberJew: Yoo-hoo! I’m over here you bastards! Hiding behind this rock!
UberJew: Just try and shoot me!
UberJew: Ha! Missed! Wanna try that again?
UberJew: Hey, we’re you going, this party’s just getting started!
UberJew: AAAAHHHH!!! I’ll never….surrender!
UberJew: Fuck you!
UberJew: C’mon, keep shooting at my cover a little bit more…
UberJew: AAARRGGHH….just one….more….miss….
UberJew: ………yes……
Lacroix: Psion! I’m patched up and the ships are ready to go! Who’s coming behind you?
Psion: It’s just me….
Lacroix: Oh shit.
Psion: Let’s go back home.
----
I hesitate to call a mission where we lose twenty-two soldiers a success, but that’s exactly what this is. The aliens have one UFO left intact. We broke through their last main defense, and the rest of the buildings are wide open for attack. It cost us a lot, but the whole war just took a huge turn in our favor.
*END RECORDING*
CULT OF SIRIUS SOLDIER ROSTER
------------------
Psion: Active
Sindai: 
MGargly:
Puistokemisti:
Ice7:
Deadly Hume:
Cap'n Sibhod: Brainsucked
Fecking Wheel:
Elmo Oxygen: Brainsucked
Jihad Joe:
Fearless Decoy:
Everett Haran:
KGB Agent 185:
CBN-4400:
Brettbot:
Nice Aaron: Killed by dimension missile explosion
Liberal L33t: Brainsucked
Fatness: Killed by dimension missile explosion
Mighty Steed: Killed by disruptor fire
Eric Wilkes: Died due to extreme blood loss as a result of disruptor fire
Lacroix: Active
THS:
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