Part 9: Just what we needed.
Well, a weapon. They never learn, damn their hides
The mood on board the Cogito Ergosum is understandably sour. Lets go see if Kato and Huey found out what caused that explosion.
It doesnt look like theres anything unusual going on
Youd almost be better off trying to swim through space!
Given that the comms system is now doubly busted, Im not sure Id disagree.
Huey is a bit panicky, so
Im sure caffeine will help, right?
Youre right I need to hang in there
Its awful! Kirk Kirk is dead!
What, are you serious!? Thats Quite unfortunate Well. We can at least give him a proper burial. Make the preparations. Im on my way.
Thats one level-headed captain youve got. He lost one of his crew, and he didnt flinch a bit.
... Ill go over to Kirks room Maybe theres something hed like buried with him.
...Perhaps we had better check on Huey.
Its true, I didnt really like Kirk, but I never wanted him to die !
Hes doing about as well as can be expected.
Crew Member Kirk has unfortunately died
The lock has been disabled to allow cleaning
Will Warp Navigation Become A Reality? Just like Kirk to read something like this Heh Whenever Kirk was in a hurry to get something done, hed say What are you doing! Get that done, warp speed!
We barely got to know him, but that does seem like the sort of thing to bury Kirk with.
At least we can lay him to rest
The game doesnt straight up spell this out, but its fairly obvious.
And here we have the precious Memory Card. If we had played Kirks videogame before now, losing at any point would have put us back at the beginning of it. But with this, we can start off retrying the same stage we lost.
Insert the memory card?
Oh boy, here we go.
Do I have to? We could play something else.
Oh, alright. If you insist.
Captain Square serves as a diversion from the events taking place on the ship, but it doesnt accomplish much more than that. We have a series of nine battles to complete, and the last couple are serious pains. But lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Let us start at the beginning, with our easy introductory fight.
Captain Square has 240 HP and these eight techniques; he will not grow any stronger over the course of these battles. Half of these abilities need to be charged, but most of them are useful.
Tachyon Sword is the captains most basic attack, but it has the helpful property of draining health from whatever it hits. The Clicker Rocks have no real interesting qualities to speak of, so lets move on.
Venus offers us a more interesting set of enemies, and ones that will teach a valuable lesson.
Namely, these pricks have a knockback attack. You have to be careful about positioning if you want to use any of the captains charging moves.
Plasma Ball is excellent. Infinite diagonal range, very short charge, good damage, creates an electric field. One of Captain Squares best options.
Space Phage inflicts status ailments and comes out immediately, but has a minimum range. Its kinda meh.
Knockback and a little more damage than Tachyon Sword.
Ah, our first slightly gimmicky fight. Water will go down from practically anything Captain Square throws at it, but Fire has obscenely high defense and a move that will instantly kill the captain if he hangs around in melee range too long.
But remember what damage fields do?
Thats right, a set amount of damage! Mopping up the Waters afterward is nice and easy.
Say hello to Mother Tail and her Happy Tail underlings. Can you guess the gimmick here?
If you attack any of the enemies, they will counter with a healing move. However, Mother Tail takes damage after using hers (while the Happy Tails do not). So just murder her with whatever.
This serves as good a time as any to show off Captain Squares Quark Sword, which has a charge speed best described as glacial. Strong but largely impractical.
Once Mother Tail is gone, all her underlings keel over and die.
The Cosmo Stroller squad are entirely one-note.
They attack horizontally and cause electric fields that will hassle us.
Ergo, use attacks that can strike vertically or at an angle. Pi Meson Shot is an excellent choice, as is Plasma Ball.
Pictured: The point where Captain Square starts to take the kid gloves off.
Gem Parapets can and will wreck you to the tune of about 150 damage if you attack them from any of these spaces. Their regular attack targets the same way, but for only about 60 damage.
Ergo, target them from panels where they cant easily target you. Oh, and stay healed in case they move to a spot where they can trigger SIO2.
In a special one-time-only occurrence, Live-A-Live experiments with layering enemies on top of each other. The Pimuri (fake electric fields) move around, duplicate themselves and create real electric fields all over the place. As a result, its quite difficult to find the Electric Mirage hiding amongst them.
Oh, and the Mirage hits reasonably hard. Not to mention he has crazy high defense as well, so I end up eating my first death in this game-within-a-game.
The key to slaying the Mirage once it appears is the same tactic we used against Fire. Just let the fire field kill it, and the Pimuri will all break down.
And this is where things start getting really awful. All those La Lu have 1 HP and the same crazy defense, meaning attacks will do 0-1 damage. The La La is their leader and has more HP, but everything else dies when he does. (Good luck damaging him successfully still.)
...See the issue with this stage? All the enemies can do this. It takes off more than half of Captain Squares HP.
So, uh Four more deaths later
Space Phages low damage doesnt matter here, and its able to hit enemies even with other potential targets between you and them. But really, this ones mostly a matter of luck.
So, you remember how Tope Suicide knocks you back? Good luck killing any of these fuckers before they cancel any half-decent moves you have!
The winning run required copious amounts of Plasma Charge, the captains healing move.
The winning run also took OVER NINE MINUTES
And despite Tope Suicide not killing them, these enemies do have a suicide tech. But whatever, its finally over!
Your prize for beating Captain Square?
- Fake credits
- Stardust Captain, which doesnt play anywhere else in the game.
- Absolute jack shit that resembles any kind of gameplay benefit
Me, salty? I dont know what youre talking about.
Sidenote: Kirk actually reacts if you beat the game in front of him. AlphaKretin helpfully provided screenshots.
Alright, thats quite enough of that.
Current data will be erased. Is this okay?
You think I want people to know Ive been playing Captain Square? Delete that shit.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled Scifi story. After rummaging through Kirks room, were at a bit of a loss for a destination.
...Oh. Um. Who who moved Kirks body?
Kirks body is gone!?
Seems like a fair reaction, really.
Whatre you looking at me like that for? How should I know!? And besides, shouldnt you let Rachel know?
Hehe Youre so cute! Sleeping like a little baby Hold on, Ill go and bake some cookies. You like cookies, dont you? Hehe
Huey I know exactly whats going through your head.
Thats what you thought! Right!?
Dont be ridiculous! Pull yourself together, Rachel!
Huey is after you
I am waiting in front of the airlock
I need to get my body back
Let me go!!
Rachel, get ahold of yourself!
Dammit, girl! Get a grip!
Despite appearances, theres nothing we can do here right now. Well just have to leave.
*Thump, thump, thump. Crash! Roar Stomp, stomp, stomp *
Okay, so maybe it was a bad time to bring that up.
Phew looks like nothings broken.
Remember what you saw in the infirmary? Come on, think rationally! Its a damn shame, but the mans dead!
Being OK is relative.
*A short pause *
Well, its gone I dont know where it went, but were not safe no matter where it is.
That sounds like a good plan. Well pick things up next time in the break room where surely things will start to look up, right?