Part 47: Caveman - Update # 4 - The one where I hate myselfReport #4- The One Where I Hate Myself
You know, sometimes I really feel like this game speaks for itself... So, Bel's in the haystack.
aw yeah baby. whas happenin'.
I didn't steal the meat now go away you idiot.
So, the objective here is to give Bel stuff. One of three things can happen depending on what you give her. Giving her a Clack Case or Thick Chest Hair, two items that are pretty much useless and thus I didn't bother saying how to make them...
Makes her slap the hell out of you. Giving her a Meaty Bone just makes her kiss you, booooring. Giving her a Wild Dress, however...
I, um... yeah. Let's just pretend that never happened. Getting her to kiss you or flash you lets you progress to this next bit, so go talk to the caveman near the hunting grounds.
You have no way of knowing this, but there's this Muttley-esque noise whenever Gori laughs. Which he does quite often. Because he is the Anti-Bro.
And he gets run over by a bunch of cars in return! Hooray!
Oh, wait. Those guys wanted to sacrifice OUR GIRLFRIEND. That's bad. Let's go level a bit more.
At Level 6, BamBam gets this move. It's a jumping attack that hits either the second or third panel on the diagonals (not the first.) It's pretty good I guess.
I found a female Primeval Bison. There it is. It's the pink one.
Level 7. Hits with the same range as Ee!, but only one panel. BamBam BITES the enemy and heals for however much damage he did. I guess it's pretty good.
Level 7 for Gori gets him this. It hits the first two diagonals in any direction for a 5X5 range. It's him farting.
So let's talk about Zaki. You know those douchebag obnoxious hipsters who think they're the greatest people in the world and such? Yeah, Zaki was the origin of that trend. I mean look at him. Look at that hair flip. It's so SMUG.
I concur. He is !.
Hey, she's MY GIRLFRIEND, lay off, Zaki.
Not to mention you let the entire tribe know about it! God! You totally ruined the surprise!
Great. They got MY GIRLFRIEND.
BAMBAM DOES NOT HAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND STOLEN.
No, I don't know how he figured out how to run the car.
Ta-ta-ta-ta! Puppy POWER!
oh yeah i guess Zaki's still there too
bite me you miserable hipster
So we have Bel in our party for the first time! Bel does not have much HP. At Level 1, she has Bonk Bonk, which is... basically Bash Bash, and Teh! Teh! which is... basically Bang Bang.
These 5 Ku Tribe dudes have 40 HP. They have Bone Throw, which is a 2-panel-range throwing move, Bone Axe, a basic melee move, and some other move I guess. I don't know. They're crappy, if anyone dies in this battle you should probably stop playing. This encounter gives 2 EXP.
I AM THE BEST. So now they all run off and leave Zaki high and dry.
STOP DOING THAT!
GET OFF MY SCREEN
So, Zaki. Zaki has some amount of HP I guess, I don't know. It's less than 819. He also doesn't give any EXP, being a miniboss kinda sorta. He has about six moves, but this time he only really likes using one.
Here it is. It's, well...
...yes, that's a lizard on his crotch. Codpieces. There's the first one.
This update is full of nothing but misery for me.
So Zaki ran away or some crap, I don't know. Oh, yeah, I guess OUR GIRLFRIEND was kind of a secret, sorry guys.
No, no, really, I'm sorry, you don't need to do that, please. Please?