Part 205: BCP 34 - Spider BudX-394 is a big facility, full of mysterious creatures known as Abnormalities. Many of these Abnormalities can do very bad things if they're handled improperly, and it's vitally important that our agents know just what may happen if they're careless. What's a manager to do?
Episode 34: Spider Bud
Hi! I'm Paul! Just your everyday plucky employee of Lobotomy Cobotomy, here today to talk about Spider Bud!
...Do you people really think this is going to work?
Aw, come on, Netzach! These educational videos work great!
Then why do I always have to clean up after your dead bodies?
Because we're learning! A little bit of effort now will save a lot down the line! It's win-win!
It's pointless, is what it is
Come ooooon, you said you'd try it.
I said I'd show up.
Tiphereth shot us down, and Tiphereth is mysteriously busted again! There's nobody else I can turn to! Pleeeease? I'll be your best friend!
My best friend is dead.
Then there's an opening!
Spider Bud is an Abnormality, I guess. It does stuff, and people die.
To be specific, it's a TETH-level Abnormality, taking the form of the mom of a lot of spiders.
If you work it wrong, it kills you, and then there's nothing anyone can do for you. That's just how things are.
So then, how do you work it wrong?
Mm That's not really my department.
Oh then what about its other special qualities?
You'd want Yesod for that.
...Fine, fine. But we're going to need more people to show it off.
Oh boy! I finally get another posse!
They're just a bunch of corpses in waiting
They're a posse to help with learning! And they're all excited to do it!
Only 'cause they're jacked up on Enkephalin all the time
So, what's first?
The first thing is showing what happens when an agent with a Prudence of 1 is assigned to work with Spider Bud. Like everything else, it's got rules.
And following them is what makes you get out alright!
It delays the inevitable, at any rate Anyways, agents with low Prudence will accidentally crush some of the spiders while doing their work.
Angered arachnids! It cocooned 'em!
When angry, Spider Bud traps the agent inside of a cocoon. They're still alive, for a while, but we can't get them back. The babies wind up using them as food.
Um is that really important to know?
Safety's job basically boils down to cleaning up corpses. It's fundamental to us.
Does it have any... other effects? Like a bonus to our energy output?
Dunno. Not really my concern.
Oh! Well, lookie what I found! It turns out it does have an effect. Each cocoon gives one more energy after each work with Spider Bud. Like with Bloodbath, this just adds to the quota, and doesn't count for the boxes used to get equipment!
So it's useless.
Our Manager is smart and brilliant, so I'm sure he knows how to take advantage of such a thing!
The Manager's useless, too. Let's just finish sating your bloodthirst so I can have a nap.
Um You mean showing off the rest of the Abnormality's capabilities? Okay! Can do. The other effect occurs when an agent is sent to do Insight work, regardless of their stats.
When this happens, they clean away the room and harm some of the baby spiders-and this means they're going to be a cocoon too!
That's the only two effects. Are we done here?
Not quite! We need to see how many cocoons the cell can get up to!
This is a headache. I'm skipping ahead a bit.
Five! It can hold a maximum of five cocoons at once. But who were the other two bodies?
Oh, just another couple of Pauls I found.
Yowie wowie! I'm spider food?!
You know... it's creepy how well you react to watching yourself die over and over.
Don't be silly! They're just stunt doubles! Miss Hod and Mr. Manager told me so!
And they never lie to you.
they they would never!
They're all Pauls-had to fill out a pain in the ass form for each one. You've been watching yourself die countless times.
How could that be possible..?
Because this place is hell. They just don't mention that in the orientation course.
But why ? Why would they lie?
The higher-ups say whatever they want to keep everyone else working. That's how this place runs. I just don't care enough to pretend anymore.
I'm out of here. If the Manager has any problem with it, tell him he can scrap me.
A-and remember! Knowledge is pain plus observation. H-have a I-I need to think!
Good evening, future Managers. Netzach was clearly a mistake, and honestly the less time he spends out of his drunken stupor, the better. I'd replace him, but
That is not allowed.
As she said. For some reason, I can't. What I can do is what I've always done. Angela, the graphics.
At its core, Spider Bud is a Fortitude trainer, and likely the best TETH for it due to its low standards of care. Its suit is a TETH version of Laetitia or Hornet-a good all-around piece of gear, capable of responding somewhat well to almost any threat.
It doesn't breach, it doesn't cause issues so long as agents have a Prudence of 2 and you aren't a complete fool, and it is overwhelmingly safe. It does nothing, much the same as a certain Sephirah I could name.
Though, I suppose the both of them will also do what they can to ruin things, should they be provoked in a way they don't prefer. Hm. In that, they truly are alike. Still, I won't let anyone stop me. We've come too far. Angela.
I have already shown the graphics, Manager.
Not that. Assign Paul the maximum allowable amount of Enkephalin. If he's still not stable, assign it again.
Manager, that much is likely to-
I don't need a machine to tell me about the risks. If he dies, I'll print another one. I simply don't want to deal with explaining all of this to a fresh-faced recruit whose cohost is already beyond our reach.
There is always the option of attempting to suppress the Sephirah's core, Manager.
You saw what happened with Malkuth and Yesod. Even if I do get through the day, nothing changes. Don't waste any more of my time. Just do as you ought.
Next time's featured Abnormality
Requirements: Fortitude 2