Part 215: Evil Kit chats with TylanaManager? We did it! We finally managed to capture a completely unaltered recording! It seems to involve dinner with Captain Tylana of Central Command Team 1. We're uh, not actually sure what it's about because we haven't watched it yet. We felt it was important that the Manager see it first!
End of Day 38: Welfare Department, Employee Breakroom
*nefarious relaxing noises*
*approaching door noises*
*opening door and entering room noises*
*looking around the room* Where is he? Tiphereth said he'd be in this break room... guess I just missed him.
*nefarious noises stop*
Greetings Captain Tylana. Looking for someone?
Ah! There you are Evil Kit. I was, as a matter of fact, looking for you. Did you know how difficult you are to track down?
Intimately. What brings the lovely captain of Central Command all the way over to Welfare for a diabolical villain such as I? Here to mete out punishments for my past inconvenient wrongdoings? Or perhaps a battle of wits to make me reveal my future nefarious plots? All are welcome, mwahahahaha!
Can't I just come to say hi, how're you doing? See how the mildly notorious Evil Kit is holding up in Welfare?
Oh, is that all? No good deed should go unpunished I suppose. Feel free to take a seat then Captain, I know you've had a long day.
Thanks, I will. Just Tylana is fine by the way.
Very well then Just Tylana. You can address me either as Evil or as Kit. Whichever you prefer, I harbor no feelings either way.
Ugh! I did that one to myself, I somehow forgot you're as bad as D. A. D. sometimes.
Mwuhahahaha! Apologies Tylana, I literally can't help myself.
Oh, well, apology accepted? How weird, I can't shake this feeling of deja vu...
I'm sure you're just overthinking it. How are Tiphereth doing? Seeing as you're here after asking them I assume all has gone well.
They're doing good! Tiphereth in particular is still in need of a bit of recovery from the Manager's particular brand of management practices. They're, uh, eccentric but effective!
It is reassuring to hear Tiphereth is on the recovery, I must admit to having had some worries. While the Manager isn't a good person, he is certainly very capable.
Hah, that's rich coming from you of all people. I remember that time... we talked about... ugh, my head.
Are you feeling all right Tylana? Headache acting up again?
Yeah it is. Might be because I haven't eaten all day, do you mind?
Please, don't hold back on my account.
So uh... I wasn't being entirely upfront earlier, Kit. I actually did want to ask you a few questions. About the things you've been reported as doing.
I never would have guessed.
Yeah yeah, predictable I know. When the reports on your "nefarious plots", as they were described, got compiled finally I took some time to read over them before they got sent up to the Manager. Reading the reports just brought up a lot of questions that kept bothering me. I'm not asking you about them in any official capacity, it's just for satisfying my own personal curiosity.
Ah ha, that explains many things. Seeing as you managed to track me down to ask, I don't mind humoring you. Ask away Tylana.
Really? I figured you'd be a bit more resistant to sharing whether you've done some of these things or not.
Mm, why be resistant to doing something you're happy to do without being asked?
Yes that is the department we're in at the moment, mwuhahaha!
UGH! Kit please, my headache can't take this. I hope the food helps...
Food always helps soothe the sore mind.
It really does, doesn't it? Especially good comfort food, I'll admit I made this up with the aftermath of the core suppression in mind.
I must admit I'm not a terribly picky eater. Part of my upbringing I suppose. I must say though, that salad looks absolutely scrumptious. Mwuhahaha...
Where did you grow up if you don't mind me asking? Backstreets?
The Outskirts. Mind passing the salad dressing?
Oh, the Outskirts, right! And sure, here you go- Wait a minute. You grew up in the Outskirts?
Yes? Is that a problem?
No no Kit, it's not a problem I just... it's hard to believe. Manager had mentioned that Tiphereth had been rescued from the Outskirts as children, I didn't think about-
Think about what? That it's possible for others to survive in the Outskirts? Or that it's possible you forgot that's where I grew up?
Ah... um.. yes? Ugh, my head...
Unfortunately Tylana, it is possible. Now where were we? Ah, you were asking about my nefarious plots! Mwuhahaha!
Y-yeah, I was. Guess I'll start from the earliest... it said you managed to rearrange all the employee lockers AND locks so that once someone managed to find what they thought was their locker, it actually wasn't?
A perfect way for everyone to get to know each other... the expressions some made were priceless after all that inconvenience though, mwuhahaha!
How did you even pull that off? Wait, no, don't answer that. I can feel my headache getting worse again, and that's just the first one...
So next was... reported by Tenebrais actually. She said she found you having emptied one of the bear beer vending machines in Safety of its contents. Further investigation after another complaint was filed is that it wasn't just that single vending machine but all of the beer in Safety. Was that actually you?
Yes. This pains me to admit, but it ended up being a good deed with just a side of nefariousness as an afterthought.
O-kay... I have to ask, why?
A small bird told me about the Upper Layer Sephirat's ideas to entertain the Abnormalities that were getting bored. Suffice to say that Netzach's first choice of entertainment for his department would most likely have ended poorly for the facility.
Are... are you implying that Netzach was going to get the Safety Abnormalities drunk? On beer?
I'm not implying anything. As a side note, let me know if you'd ever like some beer but don't want to head all the way up to Safety.
The more I learn, the more I regret asking... ugh, my head.
No good deed goes unpunished. What's next on the list?
Right, right... Training... I'll admit I was one of the people who helped report this. All of the collected media of the bestest boi, the cutest cutie patootie, the one and only fluffy wuffy Ppodae that everyone had put effort into collecting... replaced! With pictures and videos of Punishing Bird!! The worst part? We don't have any evidence it was you. Everyone just assumes you did it! Because it's just so... evil.
So you admit it?!
ARGH! My head... we'll drop it. For now!
If you say so, mwuhahaha. Delicious.
Grrr... okay, so, Information-
Can I finish my sentence Kit?
My apologies Tylana, but I felt it would be better to save you some time. Your headache seems to be getting consistently worse the longer our conversation goes on and the answer is always going to be the same after all. Yes, I did all of those things. And the things you haven't heard about yet.
Ugh, yet? Fine, whatever! I appreciate the sentiment at least... but why? And how?
Your attempts to find and question me mean more than you may ever understand Tylana. I shall share my Why and How with you.
I'm going to regret asking this, aren't I?
Less than you may think. I am cursed.
You're... cursed? With what, being an asshole?
Correct. Living in the Outskirts is, unsurprisingly, incredibly dangerous. Unluckily for me I had an... encounter there. The time, place and any circumstances related to what happened is a total blank in my mind no matter the methods I have tried. Suffice to say, after the encounter I was cursed. Cursed by inconvenience!
Inconvenience? What kind of curse is that?
It is... a bit more insidious than that. Rather than a curse per say, it acts a bit more like a parasite that does its best to incite the host into feeding it what it wants. After joining our wonderful employer, I suspect it may even be an undiscovered Abnormality of some kind.
Imagine if you will, Tylana, that suddenly people no longer acknowledged your existence. People you've grown up with, or went to school with, or worked with just started ignoring you. Complete and utter disregard. Any normal attempts at communication are rationalized away as something else or outright ignored. Quite inconvenient, no?
That... sounds horrible.
Mm, yes. But what if I told you that after some experimentation you would realize that if you irritate people, dare I say inconvenience them, you would be noticed? It is of course, balanced out by the fact they will only notice after you have actually done the deed. The action of doing the deed itself being helpfully obscured with only hints at your identify by the curse. Of course once whatever grievance had was settled you would be promptly forgotten, like you never existed.
Until you inconvenienced them again.
I try to make the best of it.
What is it Tylana?
Have we had this conversation before?
No, I've never told you about my curse before.
That's not what I asked-
There is one more thing about my "curse". It has two exceptions it seems to have trouble trying to affect with its... perception warping powers. People I am a direct subordinate to, and AI.
That doesn't answer my question- alright, I'll bite. Why those two?
The first is more of a reduced effect with the further away one is removed in a chain of command, the more affected one is by the curse. My best guess is the inconvenience of having me as a subordinate is enough to satisfy whatever needs the curse has to some degree.
That makes a lot of sense actually, you were a pain in the ass in Central Command. What about AI?
Totally unaffected by it. I believe the reason to be the same as why the Sephirot or Angela do not themselves work the Abnormalities.
So they know?
Why wouldn't they?
This... this is a lot to take in. Ugh, I haven't gotten a headache this bad in a while.
I say this as genuinely and sincerely as I can. Thank you Tylana. And I'm sorry.
Excuse me, I'll be taking my leave. Have a good night Captain.
You migraine inducing... what are you sorry for?
Ugh, guess I'll just finish my salad and head back- wait, my salad?
What happened to my salad?
Oh my god I even handed him the dressing! You inconvenient bastard! I need a balanced meal or my headaches get even worse- wait.
Headaches: another exception perhaps? A man can dream. What do you think small bird- Ow. Ow. Ow.