Released in 2004 by Day 1 Studios, creators of such games as FEAR and FEAR 3 (but not Fear 2), Mech Assault 2 is not only the best game in the two-game Mech Assault franchise, it's also by far the stupidest. Mech Assault 2 is maligned by BattleTech fans the world over as it heralded both the death of the Mechwarrior franchise and the dawn of Clickytech: Mechwarrior Dark Age. For all its intense, mind-numbing stupidity, it never quite wears out its welcome as the single-player campaign can be casually played (deaths and all) in about four hours and the world-record speedrun is right around 1 hour 37 minutes. Give or take.
So join me and my guests, the legendary Coolguy and TheLastRoboKy as we talk about robits shooting robits and MST3K a plotline written on a napkin during an executive lunch at Microsoft headquarters.
Right now, Commentary over Cutscenes and RAW (no commentary) will be the only versions available. If you really want I might be persuaded to do a NCOC version. I just don't see much point, the cutscenes are really bad. How bad? Well, the very first frame of one of our later videos looks like this:
Besides, if I muted the commentary every time Lt. Foster said something you'd be watching the RAW video. He never shuts up.
Our "nameless" silent protagonist may look upon all of his coworkers with an aura of quiet disdain, but he actually isn't quite so nameless as the game would have you believe. Mech Assault 2: Lone Wolf constantly refers to the player as either "Captain" or "Mechwarrior," while the name "Wolf" is printed right on his medieval breastplate. The player character's name is obviously Captain Wolf Mechwarrior, and we are a merciless, unthinking killing machine. We will be responsible for the deaths of millions by the time this LP ends, which is why I contend to the BattleTech fans in the audience that Captain Wolf Mechwarrior is actually a Manei Domini cyborg and the entire game is a fantasy being forcibly downloaded into his head by the Word of Blake to encourage him to keep murdering anyone they point him in the general direction of.
To those of you who aren't BattleTech fans and don't know what that last sentence means: don't worry about it.
Lt. Foster our hillbilly briefing officer who never shuts the fuck up. Notable for being unable to identify a Cougar even though we started in a Cougar in MechAssault 1 and for not knowing what "Plasma" is, Foster is the man responsible for creating or maintaining most of the war machines we'll be using throughout the LP. He's voiced by Troy Lund who has done nothing else of particular note. Thank god.
Major Natalia Kerensky is both our boss and the game's designated Princess Peach. Her command responsibilities include getting captured by the baddie, telling Lt. Foster when to shut the fuck up (she is shirking this responsibility), and creating such complex tactical battle plans as "throw Captain Wolf at the enemy" and "nuke the friendly civilian populace before the Word of Blake can brainwash them." She's voiced by Shelly Reynolds who has done pretty much nothing else.
Alera is the game's designated inscrutable "The Closest We Could Get to Making Someone Look Like an Arab in 2004." Posing as a pirate, she is secretly a ComStar spy who uses her pirate persona to blend in and steal secrets through such oft-employed spy tactics as:
- drawing a lot of negative attention to herself
- betraying her allies for no reason
- and making Major Kerensky want to murder her
She knows what's going on from the start but in traditional Video Game fashion she won't tell us until right before we land on the last planet. Her voice actor is Kit Harris whose other claim to fame is F.L.U.D.D. from Mario Sunshine.
Our nemesis Nemesis leads the Word of Blake on their quest to conquer the Inner Sphere by
- Episode 1 - Emotionless Robots and the War Machines They Pilot • Raw Video
- Episode 2 - Only a True Mechwarrior can Curve the Gauss Rifle • Raw Video
- Episode 3 - The Name of Our Baddie is Nemesis • Raw Video
- Episode 4 - Somewhere Beyond Happiness and Sadness • Raw Video
- Episode 5 - Word of Blake Did 9/11, We Did 9/12 • Raw Video
- Episode 6 - The Worst Airstrip Ever (Which is Probably Why the Only Things on the Runway are Tanks) • Raw Video
- Episode 7 - Where We're Going We Don't Need Eyes to See • Raw Video
- Episode 8 - Defiance Industries is Going to Hate This • Raw Video
- Episode 9 - Metal Gear Prometheus • Raw Video
- Episode 10 - It's a Good Thing Giant Insects Can't Neurohack • Raw Video
- Episode 11 - Ending the Way Gundam Begins • Raw Video