Part 4: Mr. Pork Chops

Last time Geo probably half-murdered some random person that got possessed by an alien.



Putting that aside, there's nothing else we can do for right now. We've explored all the waveholes, got a full set of cards from the viruses, and bought both of the HPMems.




Apparently, Hope's part-time job lasts from morning until night. So, I guess she works 8-hour days but only some part of the week?

I guess. They never tell us as far as I know.



Oh joy.

Damn politicians and their terrible ads!





As long as I can.

School is for nerrrrrds.






Luna, tired of Geo's lack of giving a shit (the eyes closed blink animation was a nice touch) asks her friend to be aggressively nice. I like Bud, all things considered.






Go, Mega. Fucking do it.





Wait, he can't? Then how does Geo hear him?


: (We don't have to take this twerp's rants!)
: (No! Stop it! Don't you jerk my arm around!)
: (I'm gonna show him my awesome MegaUppercut!)
: (M-My arm...!)

"MegaUppercut". Wow.

ArmNavi fucking wrecked.






There's a cut to black, and a thump sound.



When we cut back, Geo('s arm) has punched Bud out.








Nice shot, Geo. Or, Mega? Then again, Bud's chin is the size of Zack's entire head, so it's not like it was a tough target to hit.

FLAWLESS VICTORY





Geo runs into his house. After, uh, knocking Bud out in a single punch.






After he leaves, we cut to Luna standing on the bench, yelling at Bud for getting fucked up by Geo.


: If you didn't have a BrotherBand with me, you'd be just another useless meathead! If you ever disgrace me again, I'll cut our BrotherBand!

This threat here is way beyond the line, in my opinion. Bud screwed up once. That doesn't mean you should threaten to stop being friends with him. Still, they're kids, and kids have stopped being friends for less.

Yeah, Yeti stopped being my friend once BassBS whooped his shit.

I never gave a shit about trying against BassBS in the first place and you know it.


: Now stay here and cool off, hothead! Let's go, Zack!



I know it's shitty of Luna to do that, but Zack is also a piece of shit here. Why don't you say anything? You're supposed to be his friend too! Asshole.

He clearly WANTS to, given his turn to Bud. But they're subservient to Luna, so...


: I can't believe I was beaten by that twerp. I really am just a worthless meathead. At this rate, the Prez won't need me around - nobody will. I'll go back to being all alone. I don't want that... Never again...

It's not really touched on, but if Geo has depression (from his dad dying) then Bud has abandonment issues. It sounds a lot like Luna is his only friend (fuck Zack) and before her, he was totally isolated.




The frequency of loneliness is "that AM station that you turn to by accident when trying to get to the FM radio stations".

I mean... our brains give off signals, but what the hell?




Oh. Well, that's certainly... something.


: I'm sorry I had you last night, Mr. Pork Chops!





I appreciate that even in the middle of spooky drama, the game has time for jokes.

Odd that an alien would know more about that than a human, though.






Taurus is one of the 12 zodiac constellations, the sign of the Bull. Hmm, Joe Hawnt said that Bud Bison's guardian sign was the Bull. It's a neat bit of foreshadowing.


: Loneliness wave?
: Bud, you're a smart boy... If you allow me to occupy the crevice in your heart, I could give you power, and... If you were to show that power to the Prez... Let's just say you wouldn't be alone again.

This is one of those deal-with-the-devil sort of things, isn't it?

Always a good choice to take the power. What could possibly go wrong?


: How do I do that..?
: Ha ha ha!! Don't worry, leave everything to me. Now allow me to enter your heart!

Taurus is like a vampire, he needs to be invited in.




This is probably a bad idea. But, unrelated to the matter at hand - when Taurus talks and the text is appearing on screen, his sprite isn't animated. Just a little weird thing.

Really? They couldn't animate the fire? Fuck off.

More that when text is appearing the fire isn't animated. It's normal when the textbox is finished appearing.


: The twerp ticked me off. Don't tell me he didn't make you mad.
: W-Well, maybe a little, but you went too far!
: You've gotta protect yourself, kid. There isn't anyone else who's gonna do it. That's what I learned growing up on Planet FM.

Meanwhile, Geo and Mega are having a difference of opinion.






Regardless of the situation, punching Bud was probably not the right solution. Geo's a good kid at heart.

Disagree. Display your dominance early. Take no prisoners.




And that's the end of the day. I'm sure Geo will apologize and nothing will go wrong.



"The Echo Ridge mailbox was destroyed in the wee hours of the morning today. Recently, there have been a rash of incidents, from bright red bicycles and rose petals, to the warehouses where bricks for flower beds are stored, are being destroyed all across town."

Hmmmm. I wonder what the link between all those objects is.





Geo doesn't care, Geo's got space to stare at.






Yeah, why would anyone have cause to think some weird energy alien is behind all of this?


: Red bicycles, roses and warehouses... and the mailbox. ...Whatever. It's got nothing to do with me. Well, let's get going to Vista Point.

I wasn't joking. He really doesn't care because it doesn't have anything to do with space.

Creepy alien moves in and brings more of his creepy alien buddies to mess up the neighborhood.



Before we get going, we get interrupted by this notification.



It's just a repeat of the broadcast. The game likes to do this, just in case you put it down for a while and don't remember what you were doing. I think this is a little unnecessary while you have the L button to remind you, though.

In this case, I think it doubles as "setting the stage" narratively. An emergency broadcast being set out would double as an e-mail.



Once we step outside, it's night. I do like the attention to detail, but Geo - turn off lights when you go out! Your mom is working part-time, don't make it harder!

What an inconsiderate child.





His Mega-sense is tingling.




Eh, it's probably nothing. Let's go talk to the NPCs.




I think he just stands there all day every day.



Iver already decided what he'd have for dinner, then he forgot.




I... have no idea what that show is? I don't think it comes up at all during the rest of the game. Random bit of flavor text for you all, I guess.





Roger. We'll be very careful and not talk to strangers-



Oooh, a floating truck.

Does it have candy? Mewtwo inside?



Sometimes you'll see some Navis walking around the street. I thought they had to stay on the Wave Roads, but I guess not.






There's no real reason for us to be careful. I'm sure it's fine.




Speaking of fine, here's something that definitely isn't. The poor mailbox, it did nothing to deserve this.

That mailbox insulted our mothers. It deserved to die.



Anyway, time to stare at space.






Geo just really wants to hear about his dad. Mega probably still wants a place to sleep, so he's going to drag it on even more.




Hey, I recognize this music...




My thoughts exactly.






That's pretty rude, Luna, accusing someone like that.

Luna, you're a bitch.






I think she didn't really mean to sound as mean as she did, though.

Luna, you're a top-tier bitch.






Oh good. Guess all that drama with Taurus isn't going to matter at all, then.


: ...around in our scouring car!
: Oh, well that's good to hear... Wait, what's a scouring car?
: Like I was just saying, there's been a lot of crimes going on around town, so we're scouring every nook and cranny to find the criminal! I'm going to protect my town!

While this doesn't sound like something a child should be doing (the criminal is clearly violent) Luna has a pretty good reason for it.


: Sorry, but I'm not interested.
: Well, then! Don't stay out too late. Who knows what kind of dangers may find you if you do! Oh, and come to school, OK!?

Something I do like is that Luna offers, Geo turns her down, and then she doesn't push the issue. Unlike her whole "come to school" line, she's not very pushy about it.






After all that though, Geo is tired so let's go.



The game immediately kicks us into another cutscene as soon as we walk out of Vista Point though.



(You can't hear it for obvious reasons but there's a Honk Honk sound and Geo stops.)




Blinky is just nailing it this update.





Hey, it's the squad! And Bud's with them, too.

Mother fucker, it's the Scooby Doo gang. Stop using Navis to drive vehicles. Go home!


: I'll even give you a ride in it, if you want!
: I'm OK, really... Anyway...



Oh right, Geo never apologized to Bud about what happened. He probably just didn't run into them the last few days, and Geo isn't the type of kid that would go out looking for him.



...That's a bad apology, but he's in 5th grade, I'll let it slide.


: That guy has some nerve, turning down another one of my invitations like that. He's going to be trouble with a capital T.
: Just you wait! I'm going to find a way to get that kid to school, some how some way!

Is having a full class really that important? I guess it is to her.

Can't take a hint, really. She doesn't give up, which, hey, I can respect a little bit.




They get back in the car, but Bud's just staring into space for some reason.


: ...chance to get your revenge? You can get back at the brat that hung you out to dry, and show your new powers to the Prez.
: Sh-Show her... my powers...

Hm. Something tells me this might be, uhhh, bad.

Nonsense. Listen to the devil in your brain; it speaks the truth!






Huh, Bud's driving? Well, I guess technically the car Navi is driving, he's just using the card.








Hmm, yeah, I'd say this falls under 'Bad' status.

Seems pretty bitchin' to me.





Now you see the giant bull man, now you don't.




Something else you can't see: the car starts inching forward... And then away we go!



A quick cut to Geo, and he hears the honking again.




Except this time the car doesn't come to a smooth stop, and Geo fucking books it. Hope you didn't skip leg day, kid.

Geo sure can run fast for a kid who doesn't exercise a lot.





It's a harsh competition out there in the elementary school class president world. Luna will do whatever it takes.


: Look, this isn't about turning me down!! Bud, he turned into some kind of monster, and just when we thought he had vanished, the truck started moving all on its own!

The conversation is going all on its own, but it's fun to watch Geo run in circles.

Put down the game and watch Geo suffer for hours.

Unfortunately this entire cutscene has the dialogue play automatically.


: Turned into a monster!? No way... Mega!?
: Yeah, it can't be anything else. That kid, Bud. He fused with an FM-ian and went into that TruckComp! But I don't think he's noticed me yet.

That was capitalized. I think we've found our first dungeon.



: Why is he chasing me anyway!?
: Gee, I wonder! You think maybe he's mad about you knocking him out last time?

Poor Geo. He has an alien in his arm, he's getting chased around by a truck, and worst of all he has this girl trying to get him to go to school.

Typical protagonist things.


: Can it and run faster, kid! Anyway, the FM-ian showed up, so we should stand our ground and face him!!


: I'll be crushed by that FM-ian!

Geo, noted "Fuck this shit" character.


: But I won't be held responsible for what happens to those guys in the truck!!





He may complain, but Geo's a good guy at heart. Someone is in danger, so he's going to help.





(It's not really slowing down.)


: Find a wave hold and make for the Wave World, kid!
: OK!




The game just forces us over here, but that's fair. I wouldn't want to have to play a minigame of timing the escape from BullTruck.

You sure? Touchscreen minigames are the bee's knees, Yeti.





And we're in the Wave Roads. Technically we're safe, but like Geo already said, he can't just leave Luna and Zack.






This seems unsafe.





Here it comes...





And there it goes.


: Stop spacing out, kid!!
: I can't jump onto something going that fast!
: Then we have no choice but to stop it with brute force! One charged shot should do the...
: W-W-W-Wait a sec!!

"Let's just blow it up!" Thanks, Mega, you're the best.

What, you don't approve, Yeti? With how much you hate them?

I hate Zack, not the others.


: Then what do you suggest? Leave them be and let them cause an accident and get hurt that way?
: An accident? I got it! If we could block the road somehow... we could stop the truck. But how...?

I'm glad that he's already planning vehicular 'accidents' at this young an age. It bodes well for his development as a Battle Network protagonist.


: There's nothing around that can stop a truck. Am I right or am I right?
: You're right... But I'm not giving up. There's gotta be something around here I can use!

Well, what to do? We can't jump on the truck, we can't blow it up... I guess the next best option really IS to make them crash in a horrible, uncontrolled accident.

Hooray! Death to little kids.




It's okay, Mr. Hertz. It's not your fault.

Blame the Hertz.



Something nice is that at night, the background changes to stars instead of the regular scrolling image.



Anyway, there's really only one solution since we can't leave Echo Ridge to go up to Vista Point. (Trying the train would make sense, but probably be too destructive.)






This makes... a small amount of sense? Not much, though. Then again, the truck is moving slow enough for a 5th grader to outrun it. They'll probably be okay.

Yeah, if that's true, then it can't be driving at more than like 5 mph? Why would an enemy who's trying to kill you drive slow I have no idea.




Apparently the car was sitting out on the side of the road because it wouldn't start, if the viruses line means anything other than a battle just because.



Our fight is against two Mettennas and a MettennaG. You may notice that I drew RadarMissile1 in my opening hand.



Yyyyyeah.

Zenny is probably better. You likely have enough GroundWave1's and there are no codes to speak up, thus, necessitating less grinding.




Engage 4-Wheel Drive, increase power to 75 percent -



Too much! Too much! And so Geo and Mega die in an explosion, the end.





Nailed it. Perfect. Would you believe that this is Geo's first time driving with an amazing parking job like that? (There's a little squeal of tires when he hits the brakes. A nice touch.)






That'll buff out.

It's like bumper cars, y'all!





It was just a crash, no big deal. The insurance probably covers this sort of thing anyway.






Well, no time like the present to grab the bull by the horns.



Next time, on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

---

Yeti's Astronomy Corner

Taurus, the guy Bud just chatted with, is based off of the constellation - you guessed it - Taurus, the Bull. Bet you can't guess where the design idea came from. You can usually see the constellation in the winter if you're in the northern hemisphere.

From mythology, Taurus is found in the Babylonian epic Epic of Gilgamesh where Ishtar sends Taurus to kill Gilgamesh for turning her down. Gilgamesh's friend, Enkidu, rips off the bull's hindquarters and throws them into the sky where they become Ursa Major and Minor. When Taurus returns to heaven, he is torn in half and that's the constellation we know today.

Taurus also appears in Greek myths; one version of the story claims that Taurus is a reference to Zeus, who turned into a white bull to carry Europa (a princess Zeus really wanted to bone down on) away. A second myth says that Taurus is a reference to the Cretan Bull, one of Heracles's Twelve Labors.

Taurus is also the Sign of the Bull in the western zodiac, if you're into astrology. Anyone born between April 20 and May 21 is considered a Taurus. Tauruses are usually considered to be stubborn and reliable, not moving from their path as they move forward like the Bull they were born under. (I don't personally believe in astrology, but it's something fun to read from time to time)

nerrrrrrd