Part 25: Metal Gear 2 Part Six: Damsel in Distress

Metal Gear 2 Part Six: Damsel in Distress


Last time on Metal Gear 2, Snake sneaked into the Tower Building with a cardboard box. Since this is already kind of absurd, let's call Miller and see what he has to say about it.



: ...Is not whether they feel fear or not. It's the willpower to suppress their fear... ...And do what they should. ...Over.

Miller is kind of like a shitty fortune cookie. His platitudes are just sort of related to mercenary work. Sometimes.

By the way, I'm not adding any ellipses to these lines.

Now, some music:



On the next screen, I hide in a vent and find food. Before I get a chance to chow down, though, someone calls.


It's Holly! And she has some stupid news!

: ...I succeeded to contact Dr Marv, then this happened...
: Where!?... Your location?

Snake is a real stickler for specificity. He doesn't want Holly to think he's asking something stupid like where she was captured.

: ...Don't know. I was blindfolded. Tower Building I guess...Yes! Snake! The noises...from the left, an elevator. ...A pump-like noise from the right. From fore and behind, sounds like water streaming.
: Water, pump, elevator? I've got a sound map now.

Thanks to Holly's information, we have a sound map! We can use that to save her!

Wait, hang on a second...




What I meant was that thanks to Holly's information, we have a sound map that we can't do jack shit with. Which is fine, of course, because Holly is a spy and not at all our mission objective.

Sorry, honey, but SOP is that we go rescue those scientists and save the world, &c. before we rescue you. Nothing personal.

 None of that is true. We have to rescue Holly now. 

: They failed to notice my wireless. But hurry!

I don't know who the most incompetent one involved in this is. Snake, with his nonsense sound map? Holly, the incompetent spy? Or the Zanzibarians, who failed to take away the headset she's wearing when they captured her?




The first floor of the Tower Building is a giant spiral with three elevators spread throughout. There are also three guards hanging out here. In the third shot, I'm hiding in one of the many hidey-holes in the area to wait while they pass.


The second elevator is the one we want. Guards can hear you press that button through the walls, but if you're smart, they're too far to get to you in time to catch you.


Going down!


This is the basement/sewer of the Tower Building. As you can see, there are children here. For a place that's supposed to be all about the war orphans, Zanzibar Land sure doesn't give half a shit about leaving them in unsafe places.


There are mines in the water here, and a strong current that you can't fight effectively. Don't go in the water.


Would you look at that? We've found Zanzibar Land's secret stash of boards with nails in.


Nah, I'm just messin'. They're plastic explosives. Thank god there's a cardlock on this door, or else those unsupervised children would probably blow themselves to shit in an hour.


Plastic explosives are another hold-over from Metal Gear, but now they can be detonated manually as well as by timer (you plant the bombs and then punch - this is the same way they work in Metal Gear Solid).

Let's go run around a sewer and talk to children!



: I have to tell him that the girl is not here.

The first kid hints that Holly is around these sewers, and the second kid is a dick who focusses too much on semantics.



In this empty room, you can sort of hear water running. You can also see that there's someone on the other side of the wall on your radar. The hallway doesn't have another door, though, so what can we do?


You've seen this, like, two dozen times at this point. C4 can blow up walls. I equip my cigarettes after doing this because that's what a cool dude does when he recklessly blasts a wall.


And behind the wall, Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie!


Oh, nevermind, it's just Holly.

: ....



: What's the matter?

You're stupid, Holly. This is stupid and we're all going to die because of it.

: Nothing, I just didn't know you were...so beautiful...

Haha, nope, it's just Snake trying to get laid. FOXHOUND agents: no sense of timing.

: Oh, unlike your imagination?
: We should have met earlier.

Metal Gear as a series lifts a lot of ideas from action movies, so of course Snake hits on anyone with a vagina. Unfortunately, we still have a lot to hear here.


Look at Solid Snake here. He's too cool to look at Holly and listen to her shit. He's just smokin' his cigarette like it's the only thing in the world.

There's a special cigarette graphic added to Snake's portrait if you equip the cigarettes, by the way.

Anyway!



: Seems? I thought you told me you contacted him.
: Well, I haven't met him...he is detained somewhere.


Look at this. Snake is shitting his pants at this. He knows exactly what's about to happen.

: A pigeon? ...Where is it now?
: I found it, but it escaped at the last moment. It flew up the elevator shaft.
: To the rooftop?
: Perhaps...the soldiers are searching for it as well. You should catch it first, it's our only clue to find Dr Marv.

The soldiers already have Marv in custody, though! And it's been implied that they already have OILIX, too! If anybody tries to give them shit about it, they'll just kill Marv! And if you'll think back to Black Color, they already know that people are coming for Marv! So why the fuck are they chasing a goddamned pigeon around?

: A pigeon search? ...What are you going to do?
: I don't want to be a burden.

Too late!

: And I want to collect more information as well.

Well, let me know how that works out for you. I have things to do, people to rescue, Metal Gears to destroy. You know how it is.


Oh, fuck off.

: Hey...don't go too far.

I know that he really just wants for Holly to stay safe, but I like to think that Snake is also cutting her off before she gets fully existential on him.


Hey Snake, I don't think Holly is that into you! Also, more needless frequency switching. Does anybody know if this could help with saving space or something?




After telling us about pigeons and the fact that she didn't actually succeed at contacting Marv at all, Holly gives Snake card 4 and leaves.


Snake, you dumbass.


At least this time, Holly and I are on the same side.

: We both live dangerous lives... It's not certain that we'll see each other again...

Snake this is really not the time to try to hit on Holly.



: We can always meet if we're alive...
: Ok...goodbye. And be careful!




Now that Holly's done with all that, Snake is left all alone again.

So, let's call Holly back!



: There are many small hiding places they can enter...bye

Well, that was informative.

Next time on Metal Gear 2: we chase a bird!