Part 12: Have An Ice Day
Update 11: Have An Ice Day
"Come on, everybody. The town of Tundara awaits us!"
"Can Drog and I come along? Pretty please? C'mon."
"No. You are insufficiently suave. I've already got one idiot cramping my style around here."
"Ah, frosty Tundara. I can't wait. I'd been missing the deep throbbing ache of frostbite in my fingertips ever so much."
"Alright, we've been to Tundara. Can we go back to Sandsobar now?"
(For those of you who didn't follow the M&M1 LP, allow me to point out that Jon Van Caneghem, the lead designer of this game, is a massive Star Trek nerd. This will become increasingly obvious as we go on.)
"No such luck, my friend. I'm on a pilgrimage to all the temples of Cron, and a little bad weather won't turn me back. Come now, stop complaining. The faster we move, the easier it'll be to stay warm."
"It's probably a good thing we're neither residents nor innocent, then."
"Oh, Mattybee, please don't say such things! We are noble heroes, fighting for love and justice!"
"In case you hadn't noticed -- oh, who am I kidding, it's you, of course you didn't notice -- we're travelling with a lich. That's more or less completely incompatible with fighting for love or justice, even if I wanted to. Which I don't."
"If you're so cold, maybe you should wear robes that fit properly so the wind doesn't get in. Why are wizards always so dumb?"
"Er, present company excluded."
"There's nothing like a drink to warm you up in weather like this."
"Or so you believe. In truth, the demon drink is deceptive as always. The warming you feel is only skin deep; when the flush fades, you will be colder than ever."
"If you don't want to follow us in, you're more than welcome to stand out in the cold. In fact, please do. I hear there are monsters out there. I sure hope they're hungry tonight."
"For the record, I am here under protest."
"You're worse than Preacher. Belinthra, get me an Orc Beer and something to eat."
"Mmm, Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips."
"Can't beat those Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips for a hearty, warming meal on a cold day."
"They're high in essential amino acids, and they taste simply delicious!"
"Not only that, they're great value!"
"At times like this, I wish I still had a sense of taste."
"So why not try a Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chip today?"
This message brought to you by the Cronian Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chip Board.
Seriously, Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
"Maybe while we're here we should listen for any rumours going around."
"Meal C? But what about Meal B? You can't overlook Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips!"
"Okay, I think they get the point. Hey, Belinthra, is there anything more you can tell us if we slip a coin or two your way?"
"Old Lord Hoardall of Castle Woodhaven's looking to expand his artifact collection again, is he? Well, for all his greed, he's not malicious. I'm sure he'd reward us well if we wanted to do a quest for him one day."
"Maybe so, but I already have a quest. We've lounged around here for long enough; it's time to look for the town temple."
"Tundara's a dangerous town. I wouldn't mind getting some training in first."
"Always with the burly warriors. I swear there's something about training halls that attracts those types."
"... you can't be serious. Oh, very well. I suppose it's time for some exploration and violence, then."
"An emerald ring, huh? Just what we need when we're short on cash. The old bag's probably dead anyway."
"What are you thinking? If we find this poor woman, alive or dead, we're not going to rob her."
"Well, now, it seems that somebody has been conducting experiments in this town. Most interesting... and well worth examining further. I trust there will be no objections?"
"Now, let us see whether anything behind these doors is of use to me..."
"I think you woke them up, boss."
"Fool! Did I not tell you to stop calling me that?"
"Hey, how about we save the arguing until after we've finished killing them?"
Screaming Pods aren't too tough, but they can paralyse party members. Fortunately, a Lightning Bolt and a few melee attacks make short work of them.
"Well, fiend, did you find whatever you were looking for?"
"Not yet... not yet. We must continue exploring."
"Wait, is this what I think it is?"
"It is! Sign me up!"
This building sells the Crusader secondary skill. If at least one party member is a Crusader, the party is permitted to take quests from the lords of castles. It's the only skill that's 100% necessary for completing the game (although winning without Pathfinder, Mountaineer or Cartographer wouldn't be much fun either).
"Ooh, a market! Perhaps there will be aniseed. I do so love the smell of fresh aniseed."
"That's the longest you've gone without embarrassing yourself so far. Good job."
"Hey, who doesn't want to make money?"
Merchant is a decent secondary skill. A Merchant will be able to buy items for half the normal purchasing price, and sell them for double the normal selling price. Unfortunately, it only affects prices at blacksmiths -- and at higher levels, most of the party's big expenses come from spells, training and special events. Oh well; if McGuffin regrets his decision, he can always pay the Cerebral Detoxification Specialist to cut the skill out of his head.
The next shop on the street is "Columbus' Sextant." What could be inside?
"Sextant? That's some kinda marital aid for sailors, right?"
"... not exactly. Actually, since we're here, I could do with some navigational training."
Christopher Columbus teaches the Navigator skill. Having at least one Navigator allows the party to explore deserts without getting hopelessly lost.
"Finally, the temple!"
"It's about time. I'm frozen half to death."
"Help? No, my friend, I'm here to help you. Here, have 200 gold to help you fight the good fight."
"And I shall partake of your instruction in clerical magic!"
This temple teaches Cold Ray, Lasting Light and Restore Alignment. The first two of these are important, especially the second.
"That's fine for you, but where's the mages' guild?"
"Take all the time you like to choose spells. I'll just be sitting here by the fire. If only I had some Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips right now, I'd be in heaven."
This guild teaches Feeble Mind, Fire Ball, Disrupt and Sand Storm, but Gothmog can't learn the last two until level 9.
"Hey, what's with this wall over--"
"We seem to have stumbled through a secret passage. Never mind, we'll just turn around and go back the way we..."
"A one-way secret passage, huh? I guess we'll have to find some other way out of here."
"Our light is constantly draining away. If only I had chosen to learn Lasting Light instead of Cold Ray, this would be so much easier."
"If you did that, you'd be less useless. And we couldn't have that, could we? Seriously, what were you thinking? Cold Ray? Isn't it cold enough here already?"
"If I'm so useless, how did I just find another secret passage?"
"A secret passage leading to a room with no obvious exits and a bunch of monsters that can curse us. Man, that's some great work right there."
"Fear not! I have found yet another secret passage!"
"Please stop helping us forever."
Night Stalkers have 60 HP, can drain statistics when they hit, and are fairly resistant to Turn Undead. With three party members fighting at a fraction of their full potential thanks to being cursed, now seems like a good time to run.
Fortunately, running away from combat takes the party right back to the inn, despite the fact that they were trapped in a small room and hadn't yet found the way out. Go figure. At any rate, Team Suave has now explored almost all of Tundara.
"Wait, let me take a look at that map. Why is there all that empty space around the outside?"
"Oh, that's just the outer wall. I'm sure there's nothing interesting hidden inside it."
"Now, how about we turn in for the night before we freeze to death?"
"With armour like this, who needs a shield?"
"I may not be much of a hero yet, but at least I'll have this medal ready for when I am. Schildkrote, are you sure you don't want it?"
"He doesn't want it and you don't want him to have it. Guard it with your life or you'll never see it again."
"Honestly, Mattybee, how long can you possibly hang that over my head? I know it was your favourite teddy bear, but I was only six years old!"
"Heh. Did I hear that correctly? You're still angry at him just because he--"
"Stop smirking! This isn't funny!"
"Hmph. At this rate, they'll all kill each other before I get the chance..."
Well, that's it for today. Once again, it's time for you at home to vote on whose adventures to follow next time: Team Suave, Team Brute Force, Team Ovaries or Team Phone Home.
Choose now! Choose wisely! Choose Red Hot Wolf Nipple Chips!