Part 40: So Help Me God
Update 39: So Help Me God
"C'mon, everyone! It's time to beat up some old hippies and gain ultimate divine power!"
"Why are druids living in a hole in the ground, anyway? "
"Ah, my dear brother, will you never understand? The work of the gods is all around us wherever we go! The beauty of nature can be found even in a sewer rat."
"Then can you tell the beauty of nature to stop chewing on my leg?"
"Jostiband, why don't you levitate us out of this water? There's no telling what's down there."
"Will do, boss-man!"
"I'm not... just do it."
"Hey, we were levitating! What gives?"
Druid's Point Cavern is filled with traps that deal 20 damage to the whole party when stepped on. Levitation doesn't help, and turning to face another direction will set off the trap again; since about half the traps are in corners, that means the damage racks up pretty fast. Teleport spells do work in this dungeon, but that's not much help unless you already know where you're going.
It's also filled with monsters, which are a joke compared to the traps. Even at level 10 without pumped-up stats, they wouldn't pose any threat at all.
"I'm not sure these storage conditions meet food hygiene standards, what with all these corpses floating by in the water."
"Oh, don't be such a big baby. If we're lucky, you'll contract some exciting new diseases!"
"Hey, that wasn't so bad after all. Then again, I say that as someone who's eaten Soup de Ghoul, tongue of toad, and roast peasant."
The spinach stash is the game's permanent Might-raising area. Of course, since everyone's already maxed out their Might at the Circus, it doesn't really help us.
"I must say, I've been rather weakened by all of these snares. Perhaps we should take a brief rest."
"You want to rest. In filthy, knee-deep, monster-infested water. I have a better idea: why don't we just dip our heads in it right now, take a good, long drink, and see how long it takes us to die screaming in agony?"
"Well, if you're gonna be so picky, maybe this room's a good place to rest."
The Meditation Rooms are the only safe place to rest in Druid's Point Cavern. There are a few of them scattered around, and they do a lot to make the dungeon bearable.
"What kind of useless advice is that? It doesn't even tell us which woods to look in. Well, no matter. We already have Holy Word: we're here for a different kind of divine power."
"Hey, Preacher, what's with the whole divine power schtick? You used to be all about modesty and charity and all of that stuff."
"You're calling me to account for blindly seeking power? If I didn't have the strength to keep you on the right path, you'd be a danger to yourself and everyone around you. I do what I have to do."
"Hmm. I suppose that explains all of those Earth Snares, then."
Druid's Point Cavern is divided into four sections, one for each element, all connected to a central room. Each of them has different monsters: the Water Druids' section has Sludge Beasts, for example.
There are still traps, but they only do 5 points of damage instead of 20, which is just about low enough that the party can safely ignore it. (Air and Fire do 10 and 15 damage respectively.)
There are also a few secret passages leading to treasure, although none of it is particularly great.
"That depends. Just how great is this reward you're talking about?"
"Gee, I feel for you and all, but that doesn't really answer my question."
"C'mon, he's the elder druid! If he doesn't know Divine Intervention, nobody does! And all we gotta do to learn it is kill some dumb kid and come back here. Sounds like a bargain to me!"
The Air Druids' section of the cave is filled with such fearsome monsters as Sprites, and has a few more hints for puzzles we've already solved. There's another wall in the area showing the solution to Yekop's tower: 2-2-4-4-6-6-12-A-D-F-I.
"Yay! Now I finally have the key to nigh-unlimited magical power! I mean, I already got through both towers on my own, but it's the thought that counts."
Down in the Fire Druids' section, we find this suspicious little wall.
"What a peculiar sight. Why would a simple meditation room be hidden behind a secret passage?"
"Perhaps whoever is inside doesn't like to be disturbed?"
"Seems like that might be a good guess, if the guards are anything to go by. And when someone doesn't want us to disturb them, that usually means we're in for some good loot, a good fight, or both."
Pyro Hydras are more dangerous than any of the other regular encounters in this cave, and can breathe fire for respectable damage to everybody, but thanks to our grotesquely overlevelled party they still die in one hit.
"I swear it wasn't my fault," cries the once-mighty Horvath. Out of mercy, your party attacks it.
"Pity and mercy aren't exactly the same thing, but okay, let's go with that."
"Oh, hey, now it's trying to turn us to stone. Cute. Too bad our party's got more clerics than a sex offenders' regist--"
"Ow! Hey, uh, that crack about clerics? You guys know I didn't mean it, right?"
"A little healing would be nice right about now."
"Oh, fine, be that way. I'll just kill it and rest up later."
"Poor little guy. All he did was use magic to turn himself into a hideous mutated monster. It happens to the best of us, y'know."
And the Horvath finally falls. It's been a while since we fought something that took more than a round to kill.
"I'll be keeping this wand, too."
The Horvath dropped a wand that raises cold resistance when equipped and casts Fantastic Freeze when used. It's a pretty good item, but I'll probably forget to ever use it.
"Score! Time to head back to the Elder Druid and get that spell we've all been waiting for!"
"Why was one of your druids dabbling in such dangerous magic in the first place? You should remember your calling and protect the balance of nature!"
"Hey, why d'you gotta go look a gift horse in the mouth? We got our Divine Intervention spell, so let's get outta here."
And so ends a fairly irritating dungeon. Luckily, not too many other areas combine constant unavoidable traps with severe limits on where you can rest.
"Well, that wasn't so bad. We learned a new spell and made a new friend."
"I don't know much about friendship, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve killing some old druid's apprentice."
"My boots smell bad and I think there's something growing on them."
"Divine Intervention, here I come! I can sacrifice 5 years of my lifespan to fully heal the rest of my party once per battle! ... Wait, why would I want to do that?"
"I'm the only talking dog in Cron--"
"What about Peabody?"
"-- I'm one of only two talking dogs in Cron, so why don't I ever have anything to say?"
"The gods have smiled upon us today! We must always remember to use our powers for good, and not for turning ourselves into mutants!"
"I wonder which gods are intervening when we cast this spell. It's never made clear, and the spell seems to do the same thing for all of us, good or evil. Hmm."
"Even Divine Intervention isn't curing me. How much longer am I going to be stuck like this?"
"Aw, it's not so bad once you get used to it. I mean, think of all the advantages!"
"But now you never have to worry about--"
"And you don't have to sit down when--"
Sorry about being a couple of days late with this update, but it's done now. Where to next? There's the Dragon's Dominion, there are still two castle dungeons left, and then there are a few outdoor areas that still remain unexplored. The decision is all yours, readers! Vote now!