Part 14: Previously Updated

The longer I put it off, the more ominous Phatt Island becomes...




Fascist dictatorships, I'm out... But I'm running out of options here.




But ooh what's this? Time to get my smooth son of a bitch on!




I'm scared... I'll just stare at her longingly from a safe distance, to... build the erotic tension... or something.




She spoke to me! This is the happiest day of my life.




After hours of meticulous preparation, I have mathematically calculated the absolute perfect thing to say.




So do I take off my pants now?




She said yes!



What's your sign?


"No Tresspassing"


Wanna see my scar?


I've seen lobotomies thanks.


How would you like to help me look for buried treasure?


How would you like to BE buried treasure?




I think I may have made a miscalculation somewhere, let me check my graph.




Yes, it seems I didn't take into account that you're a vapid soul-less bitch!




Why are there no human females that can appreciate a nice guy such as me?




Just wait until the internet hears about this!




I need it for... uh... research.



Yeah, Okay.




Yeees... Research...




But first, I have to see this.













Please don't touch me.











Didn't you used to be a used ship salesman?


Well, yeah.




I'm looking for a good used coffin.


Amazing! When you first came in I thought to myself "Now there's a guy that needs a good used coffin!"






Let's go take a look-see.




...Is the Cadillac of coffins. Look at all that leg room! Here-- Let me get in and show you.







His arm is still going crazy!




And he's still talking!




Wait, what?




I... have... to... shut... him... up...






He's like some unholy Jack-in-the-box!



I wanted you to take this complimentary hankie. Just my way of saying "I care". Now where were we?



Right, that's it. Get back in that coffin!




I'm nailing you in until you shut your giant fucking mouth.






And he's STILL talking!





Uh... Excuse me, friend... Could you see if the clasp is closed on this thing? I seem to be stuck...
Hello? Is there anybody out there? Yoo-hoo?
Help! I can't get out of here!
Okay, a joke's a joke, but GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!
Open this coffin right now!
I'm claustrophobic!
Let me out, I need to go to the bathroom.



Oh you're stuck in there? Let me help you out.




Oh well, too bad.




I have to say, the man is admirably persistent. Ah well, time to steal everything I can get my hands on.





It's locked.




I'm getting pretty good at this whole pirating lark.




Okay, you can come out now. I think you've learned your lesson.




Er...




Um...




Ah...




Sit tight, I'll go get help!






As far away from this island as humanly possible! Now!




Phatt Island should do it.