Part 21: Algebraic!
Loony Gotter and the Order of the Phoenix [Jun 16th, 1004|7:08 am]
[Current Mood| badass]
[Current Music|Tsunami Bomb - My Place is in The Kitchen (Cher Cover)]
All signs point to yes, so... Let's do it! It's adventure time!
Colt, at this point I must remind you that you are small enough to allow me to punt you a good 30 yards.
I like you already.
Then let us go... TO ADVENTURE!
Guys..? Hey, don't leave me! Guuuuys!
I could not stop humming the Indiana Jones theme during the whole trip. Colt tried to complain, but that only made me belt it out louder.
What the... Why didn't I get a pith helmet?
Because you're not a professional explorer.
Then why did SHE get one?
I brought it from home.
Now before you we send Rash out, I'd like to take a moment to explain how exploring works. You see, your monster starts with a set number of "Energy Points", which deplete as it-
Yeah, yeah. Numbers and walking. Whatever. Let's go.
Most of the mountain climb was pretty simple. There was even a well-made path going around the volcano. I'm not really sure why this exists if nobody's ever explored this area before.
I thought I told you to go before we left.
Not that, I mean there's a tree stump in our way.
So? Make Rash eat it. It's what we brought the ugly bastard for.
Oh. Right. Go eat the tree stump, Rash.
Shrugging off the disturbing subtext, we entered the volcano cavern.
We're in a volcano. All I can smell is sulfur.
My mystery-loving nose is twitching.
Oh crapbunnies. RUN!
The volcano was erupting. We fled for our lives, while I held Colt up as a shield in case some stray lava hit me. For once, the girl was actually useful.
Why aren't we covered in magma?
I'm not sure, myself. It could be that-
Something's coming out of the mountain!
I was never happier that I was already holding Colt over my head. If that bird wanted to eat me, it'd have to go through her first.
Well, figuratively speaking...
You're telling me we've unleashed a fucking GOD?!
Unleashed is such an unpleasant word. I'd rather say we "presented" a god to the world.
Talico ducked behind a rock, and opened up his cell phone. He was speaking in pig latin, to make sure we didn't understand him. And we didn't... I never took pig latin in high school.
You mean you want to unleash MORE gods?!
Ah ah ah! "Present".
I'm gonna present your ass off a cliff if we don't get some treasures soon.
Oh, yes, that. I'm sure there are some disc chips and fragments inside the cave. Just send your monster in to fetch them.
And so we did. The pink dots are treasure, and the yellow dot is Rash. We didn't stop until we had all the dots. Most of them were just disc chips, but the last dot was something else. Talico snatched it from Rash's charred mouth the instant he caught a glimpse of it.
I bet you could extract its DNA and clone a phoenix for yourself with this specimen.
Why would I want to do something like that?!
It would make for a fantastic conversation piece. Everyone needs a god on their coffee table.
...Let's just go home. Come, Rash!
I rode Rash off like an ugly, one-legged horse. The others had to chase after us just to keep up.
Well, you are letting me stay, are you not?
Not unless you want to sleep with Rash.
How did you do that?
Here is our prize for unleashing a horrible god upon the world at large. I think I'll just hold onto it for a while. Who knows, maybe it'll give me fire powers or something. But anyway! We have training to do. What should we send Rash off to train up next, guys?