Part 31: Punching Out a Shark
Sharks suck [March 27th, 1007|8:17 pm]
[Current Mood| shocked to all heck]
[Current Music|Wesley Willis - Norman Swoon]
Welp, it looks like we're shipping Solid off again. Colt, get to it.
One of these days, your laziness will get back at you.
But not today. Now shoo! Judge Steve Austin is almost on.
Can you take Solid Waste to do some skill training?
I suppose so. Incidentally, where is that wastrel that usually accompanies you?
Hopefully, dying in a car fire.
The first course in our skill training plan involves cutting a watermelon in half. Cutlery are not provided. We also confiscated your monster's combat knife. Several interns were injured in the process.
Without any sort of blade to aid in his quest for chopping, your monster opted for a full-out charge against the melon...
And with positive results. After such a mighty struggle against a fruit, "Solid Waste" gained the insight to learn a new battle skill. Be proud, monster owner. Be proud.
The next part of the course involves leaping off a seaside cliff and onto an awaiting raft. In shark infested waters. It is at this point that I feel I should remind you that we hold no responsibility for any injury or death incurred during training.
Your monster passed. Moving on...
Ah, this course is my favourite. In it, your monster must raft to shore while avoiding swarms of starving sharks.
Your monster... Well, your monster punched out a shark. There isn't much else that can be said about that.
Really, my usual unflappable nature has been flapped. Never in all my years have I seen a monster punch a shark in the face like that. It was beautiful in its simplicity.
Unfortunately, there several more sharks left...
And your monster's raft is not as resilient as he.
We are uncertain of what else transpired that week, other than the fact that a large amount of shark corpses were found on a nearby beach. Regardless, your monster had not completed this course yet.
With no sharks left to impede him, your monster was able to cross the bay without any difficulty whatsoever. A fine point as any to end his training session with us.
He also punched out a freaking shark!
I know! That was awesome!
We should just throw out all this training crap and have people pay to watch Solid beat up fishes.
But there are animal cruelty laws.
Then why are we able to make monsters fight for our profit and amusement?
Because those are monsters. I'm talking about animals.
Oh, right. How silly of me. Anyway, what's the new skill Solid learned?
He sure doesn't like long range attacks, does he?
Have you seen him fight?
You know I haven't.
Oh... Well, he usually sneaks up on his opponents and tries to kill them without anyone noticing. Also-
If you say it's his birthday I will punt you into the next county.
That won't be for a few more months. No, I mean it's time for the official tournaments again. Should we start sending Solid up the ranks?
Good question. I'll look into it.
Let me know what your blog people say.
Stupid know-it-all cunt... Alrighty, dudes. Do you think Solid's ready for a tournament yet? If so, E or D rank?