Part 34: More Animal Slaughter
Screw PETA [Jun 1st, 1008|06:12 am]
[Current Mood| woot]
[Current Music|David Byrne feat. Snoop Dogg - Bitches Ain't Shit]
In lieu of making mad phat bank by making Solid earn his keep, we're going to train him like there's no tomorrow. Colt's been emphasizing that last part for a little while now. It's starting to annoy me.
For a warm-up, I made Solid do nothing but target practice for 7 straight weeks. Most of the time, we got weak returns, but then one day...
Oh hell yeahs.
Solid celebrated his triumph by sneaking off to do some speed training
I can't begin to tell you how much that free will of his annoys me.
Well, you know we did get an errantry coupon. Maybe we should send him off to train without us for a little while?
Yeah, sure. It's not like I wanted to train him myself anyway. TO THE ENGLISHMAN!
Yes, now what do you want?
ENGLISHMAN! TAKE MY MONSTER TO THE GREAT MOUNTAINS!
Fine, fine. Just leave my presence before I catch brain damage.
You heard him, Colt. Leave us alone.
Intelligence of his owners notwithstanding, your monster began his training session. His first task is to climb an icy uphill slope.
Which he accomplished, learning how to punch things better along the way.
His next task was to walk down a narrow corridor, with constantly falling stalactites impeding him along the way.
Which is went through without any sort of incident. Bully for him.
Task the third involves crossing a glacier which is constantly cracking and reforming. I can't begin to count the number of monsters we have left frozen inside its icy maw.
Yours was not such a monster.
And now, the final task. Sneak past two warring polar bears. Oh, how we love our dear trained animals. The one on the right, I believe that is Slurpee, recently had children. We are quite proud of her and her new family.
Once more, your particular monster chose the path of least resistance.
I pity the poor intern who must break the bad news to Slurpee's mate.
But still, your monster passed our course. Strangely, he didn't encounter any of our wanted stray monsters. A good sign that our bounties are working, I suppose.
Solid was pretty exhausted after all that training. I think he needs a little rest.
Good idea, we'll just take it easy this week, and then-
Oh damn it all.
Now now, let's hear him out. Where you taking us this time?
Back to Phoenix Mountain! I know we pillaged that volcano for all it's worth, but I think we missed checking out a tree or two.
Hmm... This will take some deliberation. I'll get back to you once I have consulted my professional contacts.
You mean your blog?
Not in front of the scientist, Colt!