Part 36: Solid Wasted B Cup
Slaughtering B Cup [Dec 20th, 1008|9:16 pm]
[Current Mood| oh god I'm next]
[Current Music|Nine Inch Nails - Ring of Fire]
I made Colt take Solid to the tournament in my place. Before she left, I strapped a webcam to her shoulder so I could see what happened.
It will be me! TAKE THIS, VILE WALL!
And then he broke his hand. Moving on...
Most of Solid's opponents had code names. Their breeders were apparently part of a small union that sends dogs after foxes or something. I dunno.
This critter's code name was Vampire Lemur. A bit on the nose, but it wasn't my monster. The lemur squeaked for about ten minutes before the match could start. I think it was trying to talk.
Solid punched it so hard its guts exploded. I almost wish I was there in person to have seen it.
The next opponent was code named Aztec Wolf. These breeders aren't very clever, are they?
Solid defied all laws of physics by making his fist larger than his entire body mass, and shoving it right down that doggy's throat.
Our next match was against some kind of robotic ninja. I don't know where they found it, but I wish I had one. At least a robot would have been more loyal and less murderous.
But once again, Solid dashed my hopes into the ground with a mighty fisting. It's like he's not even trying anymore.
Concrete Wall was the name of the next opponent. I think they could hear me groan from my room.
I don't even have to say anything at this point. But the announcer was so excited by watching Solid punch out a wall, that he broke his other hand. This was a victory in every imaginable way.
The final opponent was code named Solid Cape. They ripped me off! This can not stand.
Unfortunately, the other Solid launched a salvo of missiles from under its mask. They hit Solid right in the face. That kind of thing stings quite a bit.
With only a scrap of health left, Solid went for a desperation attack. He leapt into the air, string of grenades in his hand, and went right for the other Solid's face.
I couldn't see much outside of the lensflare, but there was only one monster standing as everything else exploded.
And that monster was Solid Waste. I would let out a mighty "Boo-yah" if it didn't mean that he was still alive, and now had a larger taste for blood.
He learned how to kill a man using only a paper napkin.
That's not reassuring! That's not reassuring at all!
He also got a whole lot stronger! Why, I bet he could make a lizard's head explode just by throwing a rock at it.
I hate you so much, Colt. So, so, so much.
And I guess I need to decide what to do with Solid next.