Part 45: Duck vs. Suezo
The little ducken that couldn't [Sep 29th, 1010|12:23 am]
[Current Mood| I hurt inside]
[Current Music|Dr. Phil & The Gang - It's Tricky]
This was the big day. Tournament day. D-Day. The D is for Ducken, and mine was going to bring home the gold.
YEAH! LET'S DO THIS! TO THE FIGHTS, DUCK!
You've sure taken a liking to Whatthef.
I can't help it. Sure, he's a horrible failure of existence, but every time I look into those dull vacant eyes, I can't help but forgive him.
And on that note, we trotted up to the arena.
Some stars will rise, some will fall. But can those stars see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch? No. They can not. Stars don't have eyes, silly. They're balls of gas. Look at how stupid you are!
Did you get all that, Colt?
My little duck's first fight was against some kind of mutant penguin.
The two met in the middle of the ring. Ducken was trying to be polite, and offered the penguin his wing.
The penguin responded with a vicious headbutt.
By the time Whatthef managed to pull himself together, the match was over. I was sure we'd get the next one.
The next match featured an inbred collie. I did some research, and it turns out they really do make these things in a factory. They have pregnant dogs squatting over conveyor belts and everything.
My ducken's baser foul instincts kicked in, causing him to flee for his life from the big doggy.
Sadly, the doggie caught up with him.
I don't think we used enough glue when we made this thing.
Our next opponent was a suezo with a big flower growing from its back. If Whatthef couldn't win this, then we might as well quit right here.
God damn it all.
Long story short: We sucked.
I guess we'll have to try a different monster.
Oh no you don't! We're sticking with that ducken until one of us is dead and buried.
Good thing they don't live very long.
I wasn't talking about him.
WHAT THE BLAZES?!
Why is that thing quacking!?!
Joy wants to tell us something.
Toucans don't quack!
Then what sounds are they supposed to make?
That's what I thought.
Anyway, Ducken brought you a gift.
It means he wants you dead. Like the fish.
So... um. What should we do with Whatthef now?
Good question. What should we do with him now?