Part 6: The Box?
Plantmonkeys can't run [December 8th, 1000|4:52 pm]
[Current Mood| Sassy]
[Current Music|Battletoads pause music on an endless loop]
Life and power seemed to be the majority of the votes, so let's beef El Sucko up. Everyone knows cardiovascular fitness is the key to long life, which is why we'll be making him run tracks for a few weeks.
He's doing pretty well so far. And that toucan is slowly becoming the bane of my existence. I know it's planning something against me. I'll just have to get it before it gets me. And to make it look like an accident, I'll have El Sucko assassinate that thing on the power course.
He broke the hell out of those dominoes, but missed the toucan completely. I should whip him good for his failure, but...
Jesus H. Christ will you look at that stat gain! How can I stay mad at him when he just gained the strength of two retards?
You're right, Colt! So let's see if he can do as well at running.
You lazy fucking monkey!
I don't think it even understands simple things like emotions. Plus, just scolding seems really wimpy to me. You know what I want to do to punish this thing?
Are you actually asking me?
Of course not. But I feel this urge. This deep, primal yearning, calling to me from across the cosmos, telling me exactly what I should do to punish El Sucko. It's something- something about a box. Yes, that's it.
I need to box El Sucko.
You heard me. Now fetch me my gloves.
MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Eeeeyaaaaaagh!
Ouch. [December 14th, 1000|7:38 am]
[Current Mood| So much pain]
[Current Music|My ears are plugged up with gauze, so I can't hear anything]
That's the last time I listen to the cosmos. I tried fighting El Sucko in a boxing match to punish his failure, and he beat me the fuck up. I'm just glad my hemophilia's been in remission. It can too be in remission! Look, I know what I'm talking about! I saw it on the internet. Yeah, you'd better shut up.
Stupid Colt. Where was I? Oh yeah, the trainings.
It turns out there's a course that does both life AND power, so I guess we'll be using that.
This course involves pulling a bunch of bricks(and that Goddamn toucan) up a hill as fast as possible.
El Sucko still refuses to use its legs for anything. I wonder if they even work?
Leg questions aside, he seems to be enjoying the pulling exercises quite a bit.
And he is still breaking dominoes with a frightening force. I was so stupid to try to box him. I wonder what gave me that urge in the first place?
He's getting pretty danged strong now. Colt suggested we enter him into a piddly tournament to test his might.
I couldn't refuse. Really, I couldn't, she had a knife.
Hey Colt, go order us a stained glass window like that for our ranch sign.
You'd just break it.
HEY! I... yeah, you're probably right.
And with that, the crazy cone guy pulled down his pants and screeched until security guards took him away.
Our first match was against a big blob of purple. They looked pretty evenly matched. I was expecting a long, hard-fought battle.
What I didn't expect, however, was the blob turning into a giant cube and rampaging through the stadium. El Sucko, Colt and I managed to escape the cube's path, but all the other monsters and at least half of the audience were not so lucky.
Since all the other monsters were dead or on the way to be euthanized, El Sucko won.
Disc chips? Never heard of them. Do they taste good?
Why don't you try one and see?
OW MY MOUF! WHAF DE FUGH COLT!?
Disc chips are broken fragments of a monster disc, seasoned with 11 herbs and spices. It's not meant for eating. If you paid more attention, you'd know this.
Bud id's tho tasthy! Efen all I can tathe ith bloodf!
Spit it out.
Good. While you were busy breaking your teeth, we got another errantry coupon.
How should I know!?
Guys, you decide what I should do while I go visit a dentist. And if you want him to go to the erranters, choose which course he'll be going on.