The Let's Play Archive

Monster Rancher

by Mr. Swoon

Part 12: Home improvement, and another tournament

Okay, fine. We'll do the friggin' upgrades.

Yes! It'll take about a month to rebuild.

All right. And where are we going to stay while they do that?

We could stay at a hotel, and keep Dirt McGirt at a kennel.

Too bad, I only have enough cash left for one hotel room and no kennel. So instead, you can stay here and camp with Dirty, while I go relax in town for the next month.

That's not fair!

Nobody said raising a monster would be easy. And make sure he spends lots of time mining!

.. Lousy, creepy self-absorbed son of a... Good work, Dirt McGirt! Keep it up! ...Wish I was old enough to buy a gun, then I'd show the mother f...

Here's a picture of the work in progress. They apparently use mets to build houses.

I could have been a dental assistant, but nooooo I wanted to work with animals...

...I should just quit right now. I could. But then poor Dirty would be left to that evil, evil man... I wish I was dead...

Looks good! So Holly, now that the pen's been improved, how would you feel about having your room moved there?

Holly? Holly are you ok?

Holly, is that blood coming out of your ears?

I... I think I'm going to go away now. Come on, Dirty. We're going to a fight before Holly gets an aneurysm.

It's a small tournament, and it's worth a lot of money. I want to make back what I lost to those home improvements as quickly as possible. That means you have to kill again, Dirty.

First up is what Lassie would be like if she were fat. So very fat.

The stats aren't quite so one-sided this time. Fatty must be on amphetamines to have that kind of speed.

The fat collie was also pretty agile. It was flipping all over the place, and probably would have won if it didn't make itself dizzy from all the flips. While it sat down to catch its breath and vomit, Dirty kicked it in the face until it collapsed.

Something wasn't right with Dirt. He lacked that bloodlust that made him a champion fighter. He actually let his opponent live. Well, maybe that was just a fluke.

Next up was a white dinosaur. He's so impressively bland, that I could not care one bit about the match.

Dirt was slowly getting back in the game. He made a few decent bites on the lizard's crotch.

But out of nowhere, the dinosaur planted a massive headbutt on Dirty, knocking him halfway across the arena. Before he could recover, the time ran out.

If it wasn't for the dinosaur's soft genitalia, he would have probably won. This is getting a little too close for comfort.

The last opponent was a pink suezo, who was said to have been raised by an obscure sect of monster-worshiping monks in the Himalayas. If you looked into its eye, you could see the heart of the universe. But still, he's just a seuzo. They've been like popcorn to Dirty up until now.

YUMPIN' YIMINY! Nothing should ever be that fast! That's... Okay, Norman. Relax. This is your dog. He can win it. He is the angel of death for all monsterkind.

Dirt was able to make a few quick swipes into the suezo's eye at first, but soon it was dodging every attack Dirty could muster.

The suezo stood in the middle of the ring. It closed its eye and started to hover. There was a humming sound emanating from the monster pit. It quickly grew louder and louder, until the whole colosseum began to vibrate. Then, it happened. Its eye opened and a blue nebula escaped from the pupil.

The nebula grew larger and larger, until it completely enveloped Dirty.

Within seconds, it was over. Dirty was on the ground, twitching and spasming. Whatever that cloud was, it gave him his first loss, and destroyed his mind in the process.

Oh no! What happened?

Holly, you're back. And less frightening.

The doctors gave me a big jar of pills!

All Dirt McGirt has to do is win this last rematch.

I swear to god, if you fuck this up I will have you turned into canned meat and feed you to my next monster.

It was the fat collie again.

With the pain of losing and the fear of being ground into meat lingering in his thoughts, Dirty lunged in for the kill.

Lassie was still a little queasy from the first match, and had to lie down for a minute.

Dirty used that chance to kick its face off.

But the collie had something else in it, and made one last tackle out of desperation. The force of its massive rolls of fat was almost too much for Dirt to handle.

But in the end, he managed to barely eke out a win.

With the match over, the collie collapsed, gasping to get air into its fat-coated lungs. Dirty decided to help out by carving a huge chunk out of its chest. It's good to know he hasn't lost his mean spirit.

And so, we return home with a lot more money and a good idea of how much training Dirt's going to need if we want to move him up the ranks.

You know, now that you're C Rank, the training center will let you access all of their courses.

Really? Well, we have the money now... Let's see what's available.

Well, where should I send ol' Dirty off to?