Part 27: Hunting with Megatron
I couldn't hear a lot of you over the sounds of powergaming, but I think the majority wants Megatron to be able to land a punch. This means many months of hunting. I'd better put on my shootin' beard.
Okay I'm bored with killing animals now. Since I have a huge wad of cash, I'll just send Megatron off to train his skill. Take it away, nerdlinger!
The staff were quite pleased to see the return of the Monster Buddha. As he sat down to begin his training, stable hands showered him with beads and lotus blossoms.
Megatron ignored them all. He focused himself inward, focusing his chi to the point where his skill power would increase. Each morning, more and more flowers would blossom around him. Someone from our mountain outpost said they could see it from there, and that the flowers formed the shape of an eye, with Megatron as its pupil.
A pixie attempted to seduce Megatron, promising him love and riches beyond his imagination if he would only stop meditating. He did not respond.
The pixie returned, threatening to kill Megatron. She had many dinosaurs at her side, each one clenching a sword in its teeth. Megatron was not phased. Some may say this was because he is a giant made out of rock, but I believe it was because he was so focused on his meditation. Finally, at the end of his trip here, he rose... And did not learn any new skills.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT BUDDHA DID TO MONKS WHO FAILED TO REACH NIRVANA? HE PUT THEM IN THE BOX!
Megatron was so sad, he dug himself a hole and sat in it all day.
Wha is it now? You know I have my loungin' beard on.
We need to expand the ranch house again. We're running out of room.
Oh for the love of... This wouldn't be a problem if you didn't collect all those goddamn CDs! They've taken up THREE rooms!
I tried to stop, but Columbia House kept offering me more if I renewed my account. I'm not made of stone!
Fine, we'll make the house bigger. Now leave me before I put on my angry beard.
I really can't stop showing this every time it happens. There is something fundamentally wrong with Holly. So what'd the dinosaur give you?
Look what I've got!
OH JESUS IT'S A TERRORIST ATTACK!
No, I think it's just written by a child. Or a mentally ill person.
Oh. We'll let's give it a read... Hmm. Give him a bazooka. Why didn't I think of that? That kid deserves a medal or something.
According to the letter, he already got a memento... of sorts.
At any rate, I'm going to take Megatron to the woods and shoot things. Maybe he'll learn how to turn into a tank that way.
You can stay in the monster pen while we're off camping. Have fun!
Oh god not again...
Stupid rotten Norman... I should be the breeder, not him... If I knew it was that easy to get into FIMBA, I'd have done it myself... Now I'm napping in a bed made for a creature made of rock... I hate my life...
We'll get even with him, oh yes we will... We'll wait until he's asleep and then we'll strangle him with our bare hands... No, that's bad! Shut up, Holly! We must do it... We must...
Holly's a good girl... Holly's a good girl... Holly's a good girl...
Aw shoot, Holly's snapped again. I could send her to a psychotherapist to help her readjust, or I could just take her to the circus and hope that will be enough to get her into a healthy state of denial.
Look, Holly! Clowns! And brick breaking! And I'm pretty sure there'll be a cockfight next.
Clowns are nice...
And you seem much better.
I had Megatron go potty in your bedroom.
That's fine. We're switching rooms now.
Holly? Holly, I was just joking. We can just put your CDs in there instead... Holly?
Um. Okay. That kind of came out of nowhere.
So here is where Megatron's stats are at as of right now. I apparently have to take good care of him, now. If you've been paying attention, you know that is not something I know how to do. Help!