The Let's Play Archive

Monster Rancher

by Mr. Swoon

Part 39: Breaking the Official S Cup

They broke out the steel and blue fonts, so you know it's serious.

First up was some kind of gay bunny in ribbons.

He exploded.

Welp, I quit. I can't win against something that looks like that. It's just too unsettling.

But look! All his stats are skewed towards skill! He's weak in every important way.


I believe in you, Taffytron!

..EyE bEl..IeVe... in YoU.. ToOoO...


The freaky eye thing's disco assault took its toll on Megatron. He had only one choice if he wanted to survive this match.

And that was to stomp the living fuck out of it. I'm taking the eye plate home with me as a trophy.

Please don't. This is another level of creepy, even for you.

dOn't WoRRy hollY... EYE woN't BiTE...

It was at this point that she locked herself in the women's restroom, probably to cry.

Back to the tournament, Megatron's next opponent was a naga. Yep, that's about it.

Myup. Those sure are some naga stats, alright.

That was its strongest attack. It was able to get quite a few hits in before Megatron could react, but I've seen bigger flea bites. I've seen bigger fleas, too, but that's another story.

Megatron got annoyed, and ended the fight with a couple of well-placed pokes to the heart and throat. It was like the naga was made out of play-doh, except for all of the screaming.

Next was... Well, you have to see this thing up close.

What the christ. Seriously. I don't even know where to begin with this thing.

Whatever it was, it had some big laser attacks. This made Megatron very mad. So mad that he blew her/it up with his finger. This shouldn't even be physically possible, but I'm not going to argue with an exploded pile of vaguely female monster parts.

Ms. Mildew's fourth grade class set up a paper wall in appreciation of Megatron. He was touched by the gesture.

Then a black ooze thing set it on fire and laughed at the children. This made Megatron furious. Much like Dirt McGirt's father, Megatron is about the children.

This might almost be a close match, with that much defense on that black thing.

I said "almost", because Megatron wasn't having any of the usual fight routines. He grabbed a fistful of black gunk and shook it. He shook, and shook, and wouldn't stop shaking until it lost all its form.

You don't fuck with Ms. Mildew's class.

Get your power metal playing, because this epic golem showdown is the final match. And if you play The Final Countdown, I will find you.

This is embarassing. I was hoping for a more worthy adversary for my last match ever.

Good old cyclone. The destroyer of worlds.

This was just a formality. They should have skipped the tournament and just handed me the cup at the start.

Oh hey, you're back. Calmed down?

Yep! My jaw is sore from chewing so much taffy, but it's made me better.

If I were a cruder man, I would make a joke about your sore jaw.

I don't get it.

...You know what, nevermind. Let's just watch Megatron beat his chest with pride.

You did a good job, Taffytron!

Welp, I did it. I'm the best monster breeder in the world. Now all I have to do is retire on top, and let the-


What? What is it? You're interrupting my epilogue.

It's just that you're not at the top just yet. You are merely in the same league as the best. There are a few special tournaments just for S-Rank trainers. If you can win those, THEN you will be the best.

I'm not done yet?

I'm afraid not.


Norman? Are you crying?

I need to be alone now... Go... go ask the internet what we should do with Megatron... I need to find the biggest bottle of whiskey in the world.