The Let's Play Archive

Monster Rancher

by Mr. Swoon

Part 60: Shild Krote plans his revenge.

We're going to make the rock do guard duty.

But he's a wall. They already have walls that do just as much as he could.

I could have sworn I heard someone get sassy with me. That couldn't be right, though, since that would mean I'd have to start throwing beer bottles.

Um. Right! Guard duty it is!

How did that work?!

My rock is an intimidating rock. We'll make him intimidate some more.

HAL is tired.

HAL is a rock.

Well, now he's a sleepy rock.

Yes, your little drawing is cute, but we have work to do.

Can you at least put it on the refrigerator?

This would be going much faster if I didn't have to spend $12,000 on a fucking mansion.

But now we can hold one extra item! Also, I think we should send HAL farming.

Even though he's a rock.

I bet he has little hands hidden away like a cartoon.

You really do need to cut back on the sugar. Fine, we'll have the goddamn rock pick carrots.

Good enough, I think.

Hey, Holly?


When I die... I'm going to have you buried with me.

...Excuse me?

Like a Pharaoh. You'll be entombed with me, probably while still alive.

Is that even legal?!

Laws are for people who don't raise killer monsters for a living.

I hate you so much.

The next day, we didn't say a word. We just picked up HAL and carried him to the Official E Cup. Well, Holly did most of the lifting. I have a condition.

We set HAL up in the middle of the ring. I slipped the judges a few bucks to let them allow it to be an official match, and we were on the way.

The stats are deceptive, because HAL is not made of soft flesh. I have a very crafty plan to win this match.

The match began, and the suezo charged HAL... And bounced right off him, knocking the one-eyed loser out. My plan proved to be a success! Skills, stats, combat strategy; none of these matter when you're fighting a rock. But that might have just been a fluke. I need more victims to be absolutely sure.

Yes, he will do nicely.

The dog cracked its skull after ramming its face into HAL. This is wonderful. One more match, and my theory will be proven.

YES! I am a tactical genius! Fuck you, books! Fuck YOU, Holly! All your fancy breeding skills mean jack fuck when your monsters instinctively run themselves into a solid wall of rock! I'm going to become the best trainer in the world by doing nothing.

Why did you curse me?

I got carried away.

All right. I guess. Still, though.

Yeah, yeah. Be a man, will you? Once you're done crying, we need to decide what to make HAL do next.