Part 67: Cannon to the groin
Still can't hang yourself?
Our shed must be made out of balsa wood or something.
They said it would make it easier to move.
You know what, we haven't seen Kilroy fight much since getting those new skills. Let's see what the little prick'll do now.
It's kind of freaky that that thing's power and defense match the dinosaur's.
Kilroy unfolded a paper cannon, and fired it into the dinosaur's face. It didn't do much damage, but boy did it piss him off.
And since being an annoyance seems to be Kilroy's goal in life, he kept on firing that cannon until the match ended.
Even after the match had ended, he would not stop pulling out little cardboard cannons. I had to slap him around to make him stop. I wonder why I haven't done that in the first place... Oh well! Lesson learned.
Next was the grapefruit golem. I tried to get a "HEY KOOL-AID" chant going, but... but nobody wanted to join in.
That didn't stop you.
No, it did not.
While I alone led the chant, Kilroy shoved his cardboard cannon into the golem's face. He didn't shoot it, though; just kept showing the golem its insides.
Getting bored of that, Kilroy dislodged his head, loaded it into the cannon and fired it at the golem's groin. He then collected some juice from it into a Kool-Aid pitcher, and handed me a glass. He either didn't get my joke, or got it too well.
Next was another Soggy. He- actually, I think I've met my quota of childhood commercial references.
Thank you, Lord.
Kilroy shook his rattle...
And the Soggy shook his groove thang. The judges awarded Kilroy the win for style points.
Kilroy was, um, pleased by his win.
HEY! GOD DAMN IT STOP DOING THAT THIS INSTANT! Christ, he's worse than a dog. DON'T MAKE ME GET THE FIREHOSE!
We got richer, and Kilroy didn't use his stupid chicken-cycle. It's a win-win. And so to celebrate, we sent him off to train in the desert. For a million months.
We've taken to calling this game "Doodle Bowling". Whoever can roll Kilroy the farthest, wins.
Kilroy won that himself, somehow. We... we don't talk about it.
Even after we have all become very bored of the game, Kilroy would continue bowling himself along the sand dunes.
At the end of the final week, even Kilroy grew bored of rolling. So he added his chicken bike to the mix. This means he has somehow learned a new battle skill.
GOD. DAMN. IT. I think I might cry.
Before you try killing or humiliating yourself again, you might want to consider the upcoming tournaments.
Ugh. Do I have to? I just want to stay in bed and eat oreos.
Making sentient creatures fight to the death for a small cash prize is more important.
That was almost inspirational. But I'll ask the world wide web. Should he go fighting, or can I sleep and make him do more crappy jobs?