The Let's Play Archive

Monster Rancher

by Mr. Swoon

Part 69: Chickening out of C Cup

This update is brought to you by the letter C. C is for cocaine, which is good enough for me.

Kilroy was pretty eager to jump right into battle. I've never seen him so excited about something that didn't involve annoying me.

Oh. That's why.

He did a backflip on the chicken-cycle, uppercutting that one-eyed tentacle bug in the process. I never thought I'd ever have to write up a sentence like that.

Kilroy was really excited by his newfound ability to ride his chicken-cycle into living things, and demanded they send out the next opponent immediately.

As an aside, we finally found out where that goddamn chicken comes from. He grows it, as if it were a magic bean. He pulls a tiny chicken out of his nonexistent pocket, grows it, and rides it.

Those backflips are pretty sweet, though. I bet I could sell him off to the X-Games if he gets too old to battle. It worked for Tony Hawk.

Kilroy danced with anticipation as the officials dropped a fat doggy out onto the arena floor.

But I'll be damned if that tub of lard wasn't agile. He flipped around all over the place. It got to the point where Kilroy wanted to join in. They must have spent a good 15 minutes simply doing flips around the ring.

Until Kilroy got bored, and shoved a cannon into chubby lassie's face and pulled the trigger.

Next was yet another grapefruit golem. I didn't think they could grow these things that fast.

Wait a minute... I see eye slits in his face.

Eye what?

Oh my goodness, that's a man! It's just a man in a golem costume!

You mean that's not a dangerous monster, but just some guy in one of those Disneyland mascot outfits?

Yes! I don't think he can even defend himself with all that bulky paper mache on.


Oh my God, look at all the blood...

I want that costume. Hey! How much for the dead guy's suit? I'll give you ten bucks.

They wouldn't sell it to me.

I think the paramedics were more concerned with keeping that man alive.

They don't know a good deal when they see it.

Hey! No fair, dodging like that!

She even avoided Kilroy's flying headbutt. Stupid fairies. I hate them. I want to eat them in front of little Spanish girls.

And then she died of a heart attack. Moving on...

It was him. The monks returned with their suezo, now fully revived. The monks looked much older now, though. Rumors in the arena claimed that they performed a forbidden rite that would grant the suezo life at the cost of their own.

Whether they were true or not, the suezo was back and he was fightin' mad.

Oh jeez, he's not going to try hitting it with that chicken, is he?

Looks like he is.

...I don't believe it. He actually did it. He ran over the mystical shaolin suezo of death as if it were common roadkill. What is this horrible feeling I have in my stomach? Is it... pride?

He's touching himself again.

And there goes the pride.

When Kilroy was... finished... he whipped out a rattle, zapped that blob thing, and melted it into a puddle.

There's some baffling powers hidden within that ugly, stupid face of his.

More fame! Moooore! I want to see Kilroy on everything!

There's a reference in this, but I just can't find it. But regardless, today was a victory for Team Norman and a victory for Kilroy's retarded chicken-cycle. Kilroy, you may do a victory pose with it as a reward.

Atta boy.

So, now we must decide what to train you up with next.