Part 77: Cokin' up the Official B Cup
Alright, I guess we'll start off by training Frankie's--
There's an official tournament this week.
What happened to "Take good care of Francis or I'll beat you to death with your favorite crowbar"?
That was then, this is now.
And so, under threat of crowbarring, we take Francis to the B Cup.
Frank's first opponent was some red blob named... Uh... what's his name, Holly?
Right. What she said.
Frankie gunned that blob guy down right proper. He's going to need a lot of bandages to soak up the leaks he made.
So, do you think it would be called a Suran wrap? Eheh heh heh heh *snort*
That's it, you're sitting in the car.
But I was only-
Fine. Big jerk.
Apparently, Megatron had a big family. This was his twice-removed step sister.
At least, I think she was a sister. Either way, she has a huge hole in her crotch now.
Next up was a downs-riddled anime.
She somehow managed to beat Francis down with her mighty retard strength. It was at this point that I decided to give Frank a little pick-me-up.
And with that, he was ready to take on his next opponent.
Oh yeah, I think my little power-up did the trick.
You know that scene in Gremlins 2 where that one gremlin drank that genetic plant thing and became a living garden? I think someone did that to this suezo.
Using the power of powdered rock n'roll, Francis played a riff so sweet that it made the plant thing wither and die.
And so that left us fighting yet another god-forsaken bug.
Francis sang forbidden songs using sounds so chaotic and evil that no human ear can detect it.
At least, that was what I told the little girl who was sitting beside me before I bit the head off of her doll.
Next was some rabbit. Francis mocked the bunny by doing little hops around the ring.
...Until he gunned the mother fucker down.
Before I was thrown out, I managed to force the little girl to watch the hare die while screaming "THIS IS THE EASTER BUNNY! HE IS BEING KILLED AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!". I decided to let Holly go watch the rest of the tournament for me while I waited in the car.
I think Norman was trying to get my hopes up, thinking he was sending me in when all the matches were over. Little did he know, one of the bugs Francis shot down managed to cling tenaciously to life, and demanded a rematch.
I'm not entirely sure just how Kwan is still able to function. His carapace is fractured beyond repair, and most of his nervous system has leaked onto the ground.
Francis grew tired of fighting bugs, and decided to try his hand at singing again. Somehow, his voice managed to hit just the right frequency to destroy what little brain activity Kwan had left.
Which means we have won! Francis has made it to A Rank so quickly! I could not be more pleased if I tried. Francis was pleased, too, and decided to show it in the only way he could.
However, we still have a lot more training to do if we want Francis to make it to the S Rank. This means a very strict training regimen, as decided by popular vote.