Mother Part #3 - Fuck Being Directionally Challenged

Part 3: Fuck Being Directionally Challenged

Update Three: Fuck Being Directionally Challenged

Welcome back, everyone! Last time, on Mother, we made our way into the town of Mother's Day and did...Jack and shit, really. Today, I'm going to get lost and we'll rescue Pippi, so let's rock.

Last time, we left off in the Department Store, where I had bought a Slingshot.

As it turns out, this is where I should have gone. I should have entered the building with those purple-pinkish doors.

Instead, I head south. Which is kind of the right way to go.

Hell, talking to this guy is sending me on the right path.

Were I sneaky, I would have just taken the proper screens and covered my fuck-up up.

However, I did not do that. As I am an honest LP'er, and I am not going to deprive my readers of proof that I'm legally retarded.

All I had to do here was go to the left, go east, and I could have been on the right track.

I even tell this guy that's exactly where I'm going!

No, I'm not! Leo is controlled by a dumbass!

Whoa, buddy you're a touch--

Jesus Fuck, what is wrong with you!?

That guy's a maniac! Why'd he scratch me?

This is the new power we picked up, by the by. The one where I thought I didn't learn anything. Hypnosis, as per its name, can put a target to sleep. I'm not sure if these guys are susceptible to it or not, as I tried it, and it failed, so I'm guessing they're not. They have 31 HP, though, so they're easy to take down.

However, Leo headshots it with his new Slingshot, and we gain 32 exp.

I guess this zombie fucking terrified me or something, as I immediately turn tail and fled.

The wrong direction.

I swing up and around, and end up talking to Fatty Lumpkin here.

I'm going to guess she hasn't, as we haven't been there yet.

After a bit of running around, I find myself over here.

So, east is a new town, and I could have followed this sign back to Mother's Day and been un-lost.

I suggest you use the bridge to the east of the zoo instead.

And so, after hearing the cop's advice, I run north.

As a very wise man once said, "Nigga, you just went full retard."

Ooh, a river! Perhaps I could use this as a landmark!

Or this path, which curves in a memorable way.

Alright, I'm going to stop that joke right now. There's only so many ways I can tell you guys, "I'm stupid and I was lost

" before it gets old. We're not even halfway done and I'm sick of it already.

Instead, I'm going to attempt to guide you all through the journey, starting with this sign.

I know eventually we'll have to visit that zoo, so I decided to pop over there, see if I can do it early.

Now, I know I just said I was dropping that joke, but you can see the side of the sign to the left here. I went right. Assuming that up is north, what direction did I go, believing I went west?

THE EXACT WRONG FUCKING WAY

Some folks asked for the highlights, so here we go!

Here's another bridge, which I cross, still believing I'm going the right way.

We head north from the bridge and wind up out in butt-fuck Egypt territory.

At the end of the path, I encounter these cops and another bridge; I'm sure I'll end up crossing this one at some point in the future.

Instead of heading back the way I came, I start going west now.

I also quickly checked my stats; I have 372 exp at this point. Keep that in mind.

Now, I have no idea where the fuck this is.

But, I did encounter a new enemy!

In addition to having 35 HP, these guys can poison, as pictured. Other than that, they have nothing extraordinary about them and go down fairly quickly.

After using Healing Alpha to clear up the poison, I continue on.

Still going west.

You can use check in the field to determine if there is danger around or if you're in a safe zone; this message indicates danger.

Pretty view, though.

After a bit of wandering around, I wind up over here. It's all very exciting.

Eventually, I make it back to this path. I don't know where I am, or how I got here.

Oh, Goddammit.

Double-Goddammit!

Get the fuck out of my face Rover, I ain't got time for this bullshit!

I have no idea how I made it over here. I still don't. I took footage from my video, and I still don't know where I went, what I did, or how I got here.

But, remember the road we took to get to Mother's Day?

Yep, back here. And this finishes the "Lost As Fuck" portion of your update.

To be back on track, we're heading home for a full restore real quick-like.

Oh, Mom, you're too good to us. You wouldn't happen to have a map, would you?

I guess not. I'll have to make do with internet maps.

Jesus, we're rich_{_{_{(not really)}}}!

Well, guess who's getting a new Teeball Bat!

That's right. This classy motherfucker right here.

Going to the Department Store, I wonder what this building is.

It was this point where I considered shooting myself.

Let's head inside! Also, if you listen closely, I think you can actually hear my shame.

But this seems like an ample reward.

Upstairs, we find the Mayor's office. The feng shui in here is fucking awful.

but I still have high hopes for you anyway. Well, you see...

Oh, boy, this is gonna be good.

soon. So, please help me!

...Now, you can say "No" here, but I didn't. As, I am a hero, and I suppose having a mayoral connection might be useful.

I'd go with you, but I'm, umm, not feeling well...

Now, I know the town mayor isn't exactly the first person you think of when you think, "Now, who's a heroic person?" but it seems like there are very few mayors who get anything but a bad rap.

Anyways, heading next door into the Department Store, I withdraw enough cash to buy the Teeball Bat.

Originally, I was going to unequip my Slingshot, so that I could sell it before buying the Teeball Bat. It was here that I discovered that I apparently can't unequip items, unless I have something to replace it.

So, yeah, that Easy Ring isn't coming off for a while.

Equipping the Teeball Bat raised Leo's offense by another five points. Also, look at Leo's current amount of exp. I was lost for...Longer than I'll admit.

Selling our Slingshot nets us $60.

So, I buy some Bread and an Orange Juice.

So, after throwing the leftover money in the bank (except for $1, in case I need an emergency phone call, so I don't have to hit the ATM), and checking a guide, we're now on the right track.

Heading south from the man who asked us if we were going to the cemetery is the right path to take.

Also, bitches ain't shit.

This sign brings good news. I want to be at the cemetery, which is east. But first, I'll be going west, to visit the Healer.

Now, I don't need his services, but for the sake of the LP, I'll be chatting him up.

He looks pretty familiar, doesn't he? His services are similar, but with one big exception.

He can restore PP. Now, I have no idea what his prices are for this, but PP restoration is probably going to be hella important in the future, so I make sure to remember where this guy is. Even though I'm sure I'll encounter more Healers.

Heading back and across the bridge, we finally head toward today's objective.

Now, I'm going to make a confession here.

I fucking hate the encounter rate of this game.

Even with the Easy Ring on, which is supposed to reduce encounters, it's fucking insane. But, thanks to Starmen.net, there's at least something I can look at that tells me something about it.

Starmen.net posted:

Whenever you take a step in an area with random encounters, the RNG generates a number, and you get into a battle if the number is below a certain amount. Here is the list of random encounter probabilities:
1: 32/256
2: 21/256
3: 16/256
4: 13/256
5: 10/256
6: 8/256
7: 6/256
8: 5/256

8: 5/256

To decide which one to use, the game takes the number associated with the tile you stepped on (between 1 and 8), adds a "bonus", and uses the probability attached to that number.

The bonus resets to 0 everytime you enter a no-encounter area, and increases by 1 each time you get into a fight. The bonus can't go higher than 2, and it can't increase the category number higher than 8.

Example: You leave a safe town to enter a field full of tiles marked with "2".
- With every step you take, you've got a 21/256 (or about 8.2%) chance of getting into a fight.
- Once you get into your first fight, the odds of getting into your second fight for that area are 16/256 (6.25%) for each step.
- After that second fight, your odds for getting into a fight remain at 13/256 (about 5.1%) for each step for the remainder of your exploration of the area. The "bonus" resets when you go back to the safe town.

Now, that doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me. Sure, it tells me there's a formula and shit, but playing this game, I've taken four steps and gotten into three encounters. It's bullshit.

It's really starting to make the game not fun.

But, hey, new enemies! These guys have 20 HP, and attack like Mr. Batty did in Earthbound; sizing up situations and making themselves feel strange.

Oh, I'm sorry. They lose all sense of the situation. Either way, it makes them easy pickins.

You can tell we're getting near the cemetery, because the trees have gotten spooky.

Isn't this just spookifying?

The encounter rate is still stupid, but, hey, we're making progress.

Oh, man, a graveyard! How morbid and creepifying.

I will say, though, depending on the objects around, I kind of like what the encounter indicator thingy does to it.

Now, I have moved from that last encounter.

And here's another one!

I've decided that I'm not going to transcribe levels anymore. Starting at the end of the next update, I'm just going to note when someone gains a level, and just post stat shots. That also saves me on screens I have to take.

It's a pretty good distance to get to where I can actually enter the cemetery, too.

But, here we are. For some reason, I'm now sure there was a short cut I could have taken to get here.

We're in another safe zone, so encounters are off for a while here.

Hey, look, a church! Let's head inside. Hopefully, the man inside won't ring the bell and call all the zombies to attack.

But... Zombies freak me out!

Well, I applaud him for sticking to his priestly, convert everyone thing, and also for not actually trying to convert the living dead. This man has some survival instincts.

Back outside, we have to head to the west to continue.

This game was supposed to be released State-side, and I'm wondering what they were going to do with all the tombstones and shit.

Heading west and south, we come into a danger zone.

Jesus, that's a lot of bats.

Fun Fact: I suffer from chiroptophobia.

If I encountered this, myself, I would literally scream. Like, once, I had a bat in my room, and it wasn't even near me, and I screamed like I was being murdered.

Moths freak me out, too.

I somehow managed to get lost in this cemetery. Don't ask how I do it.

Jesus, that's a touch of nightmare fuel. But, it's only 20 HP worth of nightmare fuel.

As shown here, Leo has no problems with these guys. Or anything, really.

These guys are just about the toughest things around, with 34 HP.

I was a little surprised when I didn't one-shot him. So far, it's been one of few enemies that haven't dropped like rocks.

But, hey, they helped contribute to another level.

...What the friggidy-fuck!?

Turning back around, I make my way back here, as it is a corner, and a good landmark.

And learn a new PSI power!

Were Leo taking more than 1 damage, from anything, I'd be excited to see this. However, it seems that it'll have little use, but I'll keep it in the back of my mind.