Part 113: Episode CVI: Happy Earth Day
Episode CVI: Happy Earth Day
"And so that little trip went juuuuuust swimmingly. With The Aerie a smoking crater thanks to the lil' matchstick kiddo, Jimbo decided to return to the robo-librarian in hopes of finding a new community to destroy for his half-assed quest. To sum up..."
"Also, good work with The Aerie. Thanks for not coming back and informing me or anything. I had to learn about it from one of the postmen. Whole town is gone... Hundreds dead. Great job! Also, you have some mail. We'll probably be delivering it much quicker now that everyone in one of the four population centers has perished."
"Cool. Mail. Thanks, Popola!"
"Please just go away."
And so Jimbo rushed over to check his mailbox...
"The King is getting married? Oh man! We gotta go!"
"I'm glad to see the lad become a man, but is now really the time to go par-"
"Come on! Let's go tell Emil and Kainé!"
"And with that, the father of the year ditched his quest for the weekend to go get plastered at a bachelor party with those masked weirdos in the desert. Anyway, have some sappy crap..."
Some time ago...
Music: The Lost Forest
"They turned our beautiful forests into this..."
One of the wolves advances forward...
"No, my brother. We dare not. We cannot defeat these humans in direct combat. Have faith in me. I know they can learn to live alongside others."
"...I know it well."
"Fuckin' hippies. Anyway, I'll just abridge the stupid crap you already heard and cut right to the chase. Hehehe..."
(Rule #56992 says the King is getting laid every damn day after this marriage!)
"Yeah, good luck with that one..."
"So who is the lucky bride to be?"
(Oh right. Get out here, woman. Rule #622 says you'd best step!)
"Uhh... Have we met...?"
(How many other people have greeted you with sign language...?)
"...I don't follow."
(It's Fyra! Seriously, I'm the only named character in the entire town. How dense are you...?)
"Oh. Neat. Where's the booze?"
(Follow me, bitches.)
We rejoin Roc and his wolf pack racing full speed across the desert sands. There seems to be some manner of emergency. I suspect tragedy incoming in 10...9...
"Hurry! One of our brothers is caught in a human trap!"
"Why would they hunt us?"
(Buncha flea-ridden curs! Better clear 'em all out!)
(Can't be letting 'em spoil the king's wedding, eh?)
Music: Yonah ~ Plucked Guitar 2
"Angst. Meh. Catty response."
"Man, why don't you two just get a room and bang already."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! WEDDING!!! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Say what was your wedding like? Man I'd like to have a wedding. Like assuming anyone would want me looking like this and all... What do you think?!"
"Oh, hey! Look at the time. Gotta go talk to the groom!"
"I'M AN EXCITED CARTOON SKELETON!!! WAAAAAAAH!!!"
Music: Dispossession ~ Strings
"I sure do hope my bride doesn't get brutally murdered on our wedding day."
"That'd suck. But on the plus side, you'd totally have a reason to live: bloodthirsty revenge. Makes ya real feel alive, ya know? Having something to fight for."
"Hmm... Interesting way to put it. Well, see ya in the morning!"
"Be strong, young one! Fight!"
Rock tries to yank a spear out of one of the skewered wolves' guts but, eh...
...It didn't work out too well.
"What have we done to earn such wrath!?"
A few of the survivors of the slaughter howl for revenge against the Masked People. I guess we all know where this is heading...
"You are right, my brothers. We move tonight."
"I now pronounce you masked dude and masked chick. You may commence the tragic events!"
"A...a boss f-fight is c...oming... Barf!"
"BWAHAHAH! Oh...? No, I got nothing to add. Shit was just too hilarious to stay quiet..."
"You raped our forests and poisoned our streams, and now you slaughter our young! We will abide your existence no longer, mankind! You will atone for your sins with blood!"
"Welp, we killed one frail unarmed woman and a couple guards! I'd call this operation a success! Good enough! Retreat!"
"And so Fyra, Queen of Facade for all of eight minutes, died in the arms of her bowl-cut husband. There was not a single set of dry eyes in the whole damn court, I tell ya. Well, other than Jimbo. And the book lacks tear ducts. Skeletor too. And I wouldn't let Sunshine since crying is for pussies. And hell if I can tell what any of those masked freaks are doing underneath there. But hey, just take my word on it! Eheheh. And of course the King of Facade responded like any good little human does when things go poorly..."
"...He got a big, fat, dark, sour hunger for bloody revenge. Mmmm... The best dish, even in the middle of the desert! Bwahaha!"
An Anti-Wolf Tale (You should really watch this.)