Part 72: Episode LXVII: Health AdvisoryEpisode LXVII: Health Advisory
"It is just a molded and sharpened clump of iron, Caim. I am sure we can find you another one somewhere."
Shuddup, dragon! NOW it's just a sharp lump of iron. It used to be the biggest, meanest damn thing I'd ever sliced someone in half with... And now...shit. At least if it still had a hilt I could bludgeon people with it or some shit... This day as been the worst!
"Worse than when we were blown out of the sky?"
Okay...it's a close second... This still blows. Ugh... All that for half a prize...
"So what would you have us do now?"
Hmph... Lemme think... Man this is shit.... This is just like the time when-
"You do realize it is possible to think without broadcasting your every insignificant thought to me, correct? For that matter, we are dead. I doubt the forces which bind our pact are still fully in effect. I would believe you can speak normally again."
"Yeah... But, how would I know you're listening to what I have to say, dragon?"
"Ignoring your ramblings? Perish the thought..."
Well whatever... I got an idea!
"I am beside myself with anticipation."
We are gonna go find that Tyrone...Tyler...whatever guy again...
"And why would we do that?"
Prick knew where one half of this thing was... I figure he might know where the other half might be... And if not...feh. I'll kill him for wasting my goddamn time. Win-win for me!
"At least you remain consistent, even in death."
Music: His Dream
Well, that was quite the thing. I don't remember the last time I fought a text based boss battle. Anyhow, that is about a wrap for the Forest of Myth. That's the last time the main plot will ever drag us back here for any significant reason. So, let's get one last closing gab in with the dorks hanging out in the foggy woods.
"But I DO have an incredible story for you! Wanna hear it?"
Ergh... I think I am gonna regret this but...
I am not ever gonna ask...
Maybe Ms. Clive Barker has a more in-depth tale for proper ruminating, mmm?
"And you know, it really made me think. I mean, why are we worshipping a tree!? Doesn't that seem odd?"
Let's get the hell out of this silly forest...
At this point, we're free to either go see if the letter from Gideon has arrived to go tackle the Law of Robotics quest or to go bug Popola to trigger Facade's business. Well, we're going to be tackling the rest of the Junk Heap next. But either way it is back to the Village for Nier.
On the way to the Forest of Myth's exit we find Kainé leaning up against a wall. I wonder what she wants with us...? Oh...right. We had a side quest here before all that memories and word business.
"No. We got nothing."
"...So what's with the berries?"
"We picked them up over by that huge tree. I thought maybe-"
"Here, hand 'em over. I'm starving."
Kainé grabs a handful of berries and shoves them in her mouth...
"Are you mad! Those berries are clearly poisonous! Even one such as you can't hope to-"
"Damn, those are delicious! Gimme some more!"
"Really? Well in that case, I suppose I should try one..."
And Nier is almost immediately face down on the ground in terrible pain thanks to his stupidity. Our hero, folks...
Some time later...
"I think Weiss was right about those berries... My stomach feels like somebody stuck a sword in there..."
One of the villagers wanders over...
"Oh no. OH NO! Don't tell me you ate one of those berries!? For the love of trees, those things are deadly! Quick! Take this antidote before you perish!"
Nier downs that shit...
"I thought I was a goner there..."
"What kind of an idiot are you!? Didn't you see the lumps? The unusual colors? Why, even a child would know better!"
"Look, I was just trying to... Wait, did you say 'child'? Oh, crap. I bet that kid ate one of these berries."
"It's quite possible. And if the poison is this painful to an adult, I can only imagine what it would do to a child."
"Don't need it. ...God, those berries were amazing."
"The truly amazing thing is that your stomach is fouler than your taste in clothing!"
"If you had genitals, I would so chop them off right now."
Nier grabs another dose of the antidote to give to that (undoubtedly dead for a few days) child in the village who consumed the same poison berries.
Nier...slowly...trots back toward the Village...
"I feel fine."
"You must have a cast iron stomach, Kainé. Oooohhh..."
"The hussy's internal organs are as filthy as her mouth!"
"Why do you have to be such a shithead all the time, book?"
A trip back to the Village and a flaming colon later...
"Oh, thank you! I'll have him take it right away!"
"Glad to hear it."
"And perhaps remind him not to eat foodstuff he finds on the ground?"
And so the unfortunate boy di-wait... He's fine...? Nier gets 10,000 Gold and the boy lives no problems... The hell?! Are...are you sure...?
...Huh. A discount on top of it... Well that was unexpected... Maybe...maybe Cavia has gotten out of the mean spirited hatred of all happiness and good in the world for a while...?
Food Poisoning Chat
Alternate Kainé Design