Part 78: Episode LXXIII: Strange Things Are Happenin' to MeEpisode LXXIII: Strange Things Are Happenin' to Me
I can't believe they killed off the old fisherman at the end of that quest... Goddamn. At this rate, I think I am going to have to make an important character tally sheet and start crossing off names like I did for Drakengard. Sheesh!
I've had enough of Seafront for a good long while after that turn of events. So, on the way out the door let's clean out the blacksmith's inventory in order to bolster Nier's growing collection.
It's a somewhat pricey 72,000 gold to nab everything in the Seafront Blacksmith's store. But eh...I think we can handle the fee. Let's have a look at our trio of new arms, mmm?
The Phoenix series of weapons are some of the best in NIER and the dagger variant is no exception. The downside to all three (one in each weapon category, of course) is well...they're pretty damn fruity looking...
OBJECTION! I mean...tassels...on a weapon? Honestly...? Those are reserved for girly bikes and curtains, not stabbing instruments! That shit would never fly with Caim...
That said, like all the weapon themed series in NIER, this weapon is a brand new weapon unique to the game. Let's see its tale of woe and debauchery....
Grimoire Nier posted:
A girl was engaged to a man who roamed the battlefields. The girl held her belief, prayed in mornings, at noon, on evenings, and simply hoped that the man would remain safe and sound. Maybe her earnest prayers did reach - one night, a brightly shining bird appeared in her dreams and left her with these words.
"The man shall return safe and sound." At the bird's whispered words, the faithful girl cried in joy. "However," the brightly shining bird continued in its beautiful voice. "His heart won't return."
Eventually, the man came back alive, just as the bird predicted. He was marked with a plethora of scars across his formidable body. Eventually, the man did come back alive, just as the bird predicted. With a beautiful stranger at his side. Even then, the girl ran towards the man, her heart still filled with her love.
The man was surprised and embraced the girl, however, he soon fell to the floor. Standing beside the fallen man was the girl, her right hand grasping a blood-stained dagger, her left hand holding what resembled a red-black ripened fruit - the man's heart. His heart shall never wander again. Standing in the pool of blood, the girl kissed the man's heart with an expression of utmost fulfillment and intoxicated happiness, and gave a prayer of thanks.
Well...at least the story actually had something to do with a phoenix and a dagger this time. That's a start...
Next up is the Vile Axe. Wow, that's an ugly looking thing. It looks like something you'd see in one of those orc army preparation montages in the Lord of the Rings movies. Not bad attack power to it either. Nice. Vile axe is yet another remnant of dragoon Caim's armory.
Back in the other dimension it went by the title of Foul Blade and was found in the ruins of the Imperial Capital during Inuart's ill conceived campaign of resurrecting Furiae into a horrible tentacle-rape/angel hybrid.
Grimoire Nier posted:
The girl could only stare at the scene before her. On her side, numerous cuts littered her father's body, and though dead, her mother was continuously raped by the soldiers. Her young brother who was born not long ago was thrown into the furnace, and his body burnt to a crisp. The soldiers who killed her three family members, simply stared at the girl while she cried.
A few years later, she set out for revenge. The first one was such a fat soldier that his military clothes were bursting at their seams. The girl approached him, and told him of a medicine that could make him lose weight. She told him that she has to give him a physical examination, and made him lie on a bed. Then she cut off his hands and feet with an axe. Without his limbs, the man could not even attempt an escape. You can get even thinner, the girl said and pressed down on him. Now you've become very slim, the girl whispered to the now round torso.
The second soldier was matchless in his lust for women. He called numerous women to his mansion each day and spent long nights with them. The girl killed all the women around him. She stood before the man possessed by terror, reduced to mumbled pleas for his life, and chopped off the symbol of his masculinity with her axe.
The third soldier retired from the army, and lived an easygoing life with his family in a village on the borders. While his family was sleeping, the girl put cracks into the house's pillars with her axe. Losing its support, the house crumbled, and the girl lit a fire upon it. The fire grew into enormous proportions. The son of the soldier, who suffered burns all over his body, escaped from the burning house. The son of the soldier simply stared at the girl who killed his entire family. The girl offered the son of the soldier her axe, and escaped into the darkness.
Drakengard! Also, holy shit!
Last but...yeah, okay least...is the Spear of the Usurper. It is...a basic stick with a pointy end. It is average strength, average length, average appearance... It's like the spear version of vanilla ice cream. We have one more Drag-On Dragoon hand-me-down with this poking device.
A known alias of the Spear of the Usurper was the Robber King. It was retrieved by raiding some random room in the Castle of the Goddess' interior during a Free Expedition mission.
Grimoire Nier posted:
SPEAR OF THE USURPER
In a certain country, there lived a man who acted as a double for the prince. The man took care of official business every day in place of the prince. When he went to the prince after finishing a day's work, he found a naked woman sleeping in his room. The woman was the prince's sister. A man with the same face stared at the man's shocked impression, and invited him to join in while laughing flippantly.
The man loved the prince's sister. He also felt that she, who adored him like an older brother, loved him back. Even if he goes through every day in a façade, she was the only thing he was living for. He, who put his life on the line for the most despicable prince.
The prince took command during the war. He told this to the man who was prepared to risk his life to accomplish his mission: If he managed to take the enemy commander's head, then the prince would let him sleep with his sister once. The man shoved a spear through the prince's mouth as he laughed maniacally.
After the war, the "prince" made his sister his wife and began to injure his own face and throat. He repeated his actions every time his sister called him "big brother". Eventually, the "prince" was found with his face burnt and a spear impaling him in the mouth. His burnt face looked very calm.
Incest among royalty... Yeah, this weapon definitely came from Drakengard's dimension...
Alrighty, I think that is enough dilly-dallying with weapons. Time to take a trek east to the kingdom of Facade. We've got some strange business to attend to...
Heading into the desert...
There is still the occasional wolf or three to be found scurrying about the desert's southern half. They mostly keep to the northern sandstorm while out in the field. But, nearing the edge of their territory can provoke a few to attack the party. Nier and Weiss have a chat about the desert canines...
"What sustenance could they possibly hope to attain here?!"
"Looks like I should have said yes."
Welp, we're finally back to this kooky city. Unlike the other two major settlements, Emil opts to tag along with Nier and Weiss while they travel around town. Kainé, as usual, opts to brood by the gates until it's time to leave.
There isn't a whole lot new happening in the city of rules. Water shortages, scarce food supplies, Shades entering the desert, the increasing conflicts with the wolves... The usual general misery stuff... But, mostly talk around town is about the King of Facade's big wedding ceremony and preparation for the celebration.
There are of course a slew of new sidequests in Facade, the blacksmith has a stock of shiny stabbing tools available, plot progression at the mansion...yadda yadda yadda... Half a dozen dickheads across the land have requested assorted junk from the Strange Things store of Facade and dammit I am sick of that mess cluttering up my menu screen. So, today we will be having a strange thing sidequest bonanza!
Unfortunately, Nier is at the mercy of the shopkeeper as to the order in which he can complete sidequests involving strange business. Nier cannot ask for an herbal remedy, repairs for a waterwheel, and restoration of a map all at once. He needs to finish up the requirements for each individual request before the next one will become available. Meh...
Sidequest: Learning a Trade ~ Continued
(A mandrake leaf? Oh ho! I never would have expected such a request from you!)
(No worries, no worries! We're all men here after all, yes?)
"The hell are you talking about? ...Ah, whatever. Lemme just get the thing and get out of here."
Well, that was a weird chat. Let's take this leaf back to that seasick goober in Seafront...
The client pays Nier 10,000 gold for the assist and trots off hopeful the newly acquired leaf will cure his seasickness...
"Oh, it's uh... Well, it's interesting. I thought it would help my seasickness, but instead I made a... Well, let's just call it an energizer, eh? ...And my wife is just thrilled! Grawwwl!"
"I didn't need to know any of that."
"Look, I need to try again. You mind making another shopping trip for me?"
"Great. This time, I need some toad oil from the Two Brothers Weaponry at the Junk Heap."
"-stimulant instead of a seasickness medication?"
"Maybe it just happened?"
"They are completely different drugs! With completely different effects!"
"Hey, everyone makes mistakes."
Huh...so we just helped create post-apocalyptic Viagra... Welp!
A trek over to the Junk Heap later...
"I need a vial of toad oil for some medicine."
"Toad oil? Pulling an all-nighter, eh? Good luck with that, sir."
"All that Shade-slaying must be tough! I bet you use this stuff all the time."
"I don't like where this is going... Oh, well. Better bring this back to the client."
Good thing these jerks aren't charging us for these...questionable...products we're gathering. Oh well, time to bring the "toad oil" back to Mr. Natural Male Enhancement.
Back to Seafront...
Once more, the guy hands Nier a 10,000 reward and sets off to work on his newest brew to cure seasick stomachs...
He was found by his wife dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation...
"Well, as you know, I was trying to make a seasickness remedy... But it seems I've somehow concocted a potent sleep prevention drug instead. If you took it, it would probably keep you awake for a week! I call it Sleep-B-Gone."
"Maybe you should just become an apothecary instead."
"Say, not a bad idea. ...Actually, that's a GREAT idea! All right! From now on, I'm out of the trading business and opening a pharmacy!"
"Well, good luck with that."
"Imagine, a drug that lets you forgo sleep for an entire week... Care to try it?"
"I'll pass, thanks."
And that is a wrap for that very silly sidequest. Maybe we can make it through this whole update without a quest client keeling over by the end of the job...
Sidequest: The Creaky Waterwheel ~ Continued
Long story short: The strange things merchant doesn't have what we need per se. But, he could construct the components to repair the waterwheel for ten pieces of iron ore and ten logs.
Sadly, I'm only half way there on the iron part and zero of the logs. But, neither of those is too hard to come across. Dropping 500 gold in the Village material store will net 10 logs. And iron ore is a common drop in a multitude of spawn points throughout any of the fields. But...Gideon also sells the crap for 1,000 gold a pop. I found one on the way to the Junk Heap, so it was only a 4,000 gold investment. Not too bad.
"In the past, humans harnessed different methods to provide energy."
"One of them was an invisible force called electricity which transmitted through thin copper wires."
"Wow! What did they do with that?"
"Oh, a great many things. It could be used to power large iron crates called trains, or illuminate whole cities against the dark of night."
"Well, that's stupid."
"Is it, now?"
"Who wants to move a big iron crate? ...And how am I supposed to sleep if it's all bright outside?"
"Well, I suppose if you wish to look at it that way-"
"Besides, my life is lots of fun already!"
"If more people were like you, Emil, this world might not be half bad."
So Nier can just dump the logs and lumps of iron off with the strange things proprietor and he says the repaired parts will be shipped straight to the job site in the village. Nice. Now just to inform the client...
Returning to the Village...
The client thanks Nier for his efforts and offers up a rather subpar sum of 10,000 gold for completing the task. Feh....community service blows....
With the completion of the water wheel's repair, a follow-up quest immediately spawns across the street by the fountain. Sure, let's see what this jerk needs...
Sidequest: The Faded Fountain
"I would speculate that the source of the problem lies in the fountain's pump."
"That's my guess, too. I heard that you had parts made for the waterwheel, so I'm hoping you could do the same for the fountain."
"I'll look into it the next time I'm in Facade."
So yup...yet another visit to the strange things store... Like with the waterwheel, the strange things guy doesn't have the item required in stock, but he could cobble together one with the right materials. This time, he needs five broken motors and five severed cables from the Junk Heap.
Luckily enough, I had about three dozen of each in my pocket from all the raids through that terrible dungeon. Same deal as before, he'll send the parts straight to the Village for repair. Simple and clean.
The guard thanks us for our efforts in restoring the fountain and boosting town morale and hooks Nier up with 20,000 gold. Sheesh, that quest took half the time and had twice the payout compared to the waterwheel sidequest. Fuck that cheapskate lady. I hope her kid drowns if he hasn't already died from famine, plague, or Shade murder.
Sidequest: The Damage Map ~ Continued
Once again, the strange things fellow has the skill to fulfill our request, he just needs a few supplies. This time the requirements are three drops of machine oil, three eggplants, and three goat hides. Uhh....sure, why not?
I'm swimming in Machine Oil at the moment, despite it being a somewhat rare drop in the Junk Heap. Eggplants and Goat Hides...not so much...
Goat Hides are still found by carving up goats over on the Eastern Roads. Goats are pretty much the only big animal outside boars to survive the Shades' wildlife purging during the last five years. As for eggplants, Nier could go buy some seeds for those on the cheap at most florists but meh... Remember that lady with the poison berry eating kid that miraculously didn't die? That grocer sells 'em for 350 gold a piece with our discount. I think we can save some time and drop a few coins on that.
Returning to the merchant...
(One moment please... You see, the machine oil loosens the grime, while the eggplant absorbs it. I can then use the goat hide to repair the damaged sections. There you are. Your book is restored.)
"He, that's great. Let's take it back to the client."
Returning to the village, Nier discovers the blacksmith is missing and instead his wife is there to continue the quest. I swear to god, if this fucking guy died in a fire or something while we were away...
"Sorry, he's out shopping for weapons right now."
"Oh. Well, can you give him this book?"
"If I may, madam, what is it about our transaction that has you so dissatisfied?"
"This is another map, isn't it? Don't bother answering. I know it is! And as soon as he sees it, he's going to run out and start treasure hunting. One of these days, he's going to be eaten by a Shade. I just know it!"
"I understand. It is hard to worry about someone."
"I don't suppose... Look, is there any way you can find this treasure? If you can track it down and bring it to my husband, that would be enough to satisfy his curiosity."
"Sounds like a plan to me. But first I gotta figure out where this map leads."
"This seems like Popola's area of expertise. Perhaps she has some advice for us."
"Yeah. Let's go talk to her."
"-arguments of a married couple will accomplish nothing."
"I have a job, and I'm gonna see it through."
"Your sense of duty is positively breathtaking."
"I know what it means to care for your family. If you don't show it until they're gone, it's too late."
"It is a tremendous burden. ...But I cannot say that I dislike that way of thinking."
Off to bug Popola!
"Sure. What kind of map?"
"Here, lemme show you..."
"Hmm... Looks like a map of the Lost Shrine to me. Apparently, this leads to some unidentified object of great importance. It also talks about a hidden room in the Lost Shrine where light doesn't reach. I'd bet that's where your secret treasure is hiding."
"A hidden room in the Lost Shrine, huh? Thanks for the help."
Fast-forward twenty minutes and Nier discovers it's a pile of worthless crap in a side room on the third floor. Cavia!!
Returning to the secondary client...
"We followed the map, but all we found was a pile of junk. ...Sorry."
"I see... In that case, can I ask you to sell my jade hair ornament and purchase something shiny with the proceeds? Then we can give it to him and pretend that you found it."
"You sure? That seems pretty valuable."
"That's because it is. But if it keeps that idiot husband of mine home safe, then it's worth it."
"Well? Should we obey the wife's request and sell her jade hair ornament?"
Yeah, we're given the option here to just be greedy and keep the woman's hair ornament for our own profit.
The strange thing masked man trades the hair ornament for a golden coin. I...guess that is a fair trade...? Even though the standard trade currency is already gold... Uhh...sure...
"...I'm not sure it's enough to roll around in, but maybe I can make it work."
"Oh, how wonderful. Now will you PLEASE promise to stop with all this treasure hunting?"
"I promise, honey. From now on, it's nothing but good, honest work for me. Oh, but wait. There's one more thing... Here. This is the first map I ever found. ...Go ahead. Take it. I won't be needing it anymore."
The blacksmith hands over the map...
"Hmm... This map's a lot more cryptic than the last one."
"Yet I feel confident the junk it will lead us to is the same! Come. We have little time to waste with these trifles."
"Yeah, but don't you want to check it out anyway? Aren't you the least bit curious?"
"Curiosity about such things is beyond my comprehension."
"It's called 'the thrill of the hunt,' Weiss. Now let's go talk to Popola and see if she can help with the map."
I'm sure Popola wasn't doing anything important anyway...
"Sure! Let me take a look."
"Here it is..."
"Hmm... The code on this is pretty tricky, but I think it's a map of the Northern Plains. It mentions something about the place where the iron bridge starts, but that's all I can read. Sorry I can't be more help."
"No, this is great, Popola. Thanks!"
Well, there are two ends of the iron bridge. One leads to the Junk Heap and is clearly the end destination of the bridge, not the beginning. Also it is suspended above water. The other end is just over some random hill we've never had need to scout up until now. Guess which end has our treasure...?
"It would appear this latest treasure map was the real thing."
"Yeah, I'd say this is an ample reward."
Our ultimate reward for that rather lengthy treasure seeking adventure is a completely shitty spear. Thanks, Cavia. You're just swell... Here, have a damn weapon story... I need a smoke.
Grimoire Nier posted:
That woman was unbelievably dim-witted. She was unskilled and would take three times longer than the average person at doing anything. She walks slowly. Talks slowly. Blinks slowly, and can't even accomplish the simple task of taking water from the well. Even when called "cow" by the children and laughed at, she could only laugh back. "Ehehe…"
That woman was unbelievably dull. Even when she fell and blood was spilled, she acted like nothing has happened. She dropped money all the time, but never tried to pick it back up. Even when someone badmouthed her right in front of her, it'd take her at least half a day to realize what happened. When the children saw the woman, they happily threw rocks at her.
That woman was unbelievably foolish. During the summer, when the village suffered from the sunlight, she disappeared somewhere by herself. All the children died from starvation. The villagers did not think about the escaped woman. After two days or so, rain fell upon the village and provided salvation, yet the woman did not come back. And 20 days after the woman ceased to return, a priest came to the village.
The priest held in his hand a spear with horns. The spear was sticky to grasp due to the oil. The spear was too heavy to hold and wasn't practical to use. That spear could not pierce through anything when used. The priest forcibly left the spear to the villagers, but they found it creepy, and none came close to it. The spear was not used by anyone, and slumbers even now in the corner of the village.
What in the blue hell did that have to do with anything?! These lousy stories, I swear... At least our weapon collection total is now past 75%. I do believe we are approaching the end of this game in a few more chapters...
But, for today we are at least up-to-date with outstanding sidequests. Too bad there's still about 20% to go with those...
Strange Quest Highlights