Part 8: Angelo Lightfoot and the Baroness's knickers.

: Oh, he's marvellous... Full-bodied mustache... seductive Italian accent... the works!

: And you're going to give him a gift voucher, yes?

: That's right, once he's circumnavigated the globe.

: I see.
Laters.

A few minutes later, at the Barnacle Bar...


: If ye want to peruse the fabulous Rogues Gallery... there be a mandatory minimum donation of one daaler.

: Eh? This is like Soviet Russia!

: How?

: Well... there's a lot of Vodka about.



We place one half of our total funds in the donation box:

: Many thanks for yer kind donation!

: Nee problem.

: Enjoy the wonders o'the rogues gallery.



: Now there's an unusually full-bodied mustache. I'll be taking this...
...
It's my old pal Bloodbeard, looking fierce as ten. I think the barman would notice if I tried to sneak one of the paintings out of here. Anyway, there are free postcards.
...
Ooh, I love free postcards. They have a little print of Bloodbeard's portrait on them. I'll be taking this...



: That is being a fine picture, but can prove it's authenticity?

: What do you mean?

: A makers' mark or a signature. Something that connects the picture to Bloodbeard.

: Give me a minute...



: Not a bad likeness, but the artist forgot to paint ME on his shoulder.

: What a coot-astrophe.
...
I'm sorry.

Nelly's next adventure had better involve anti-pun therapy.



: I signed it with Bloodbeard's initials.
...
Will you trade me that measly "iHook" for this authentic etching of the dread pirate Bloodbeard? Signed, might I add, by the man himself!

: Let us see...

: Amazing!


: Ve vill certainly be trading you the "iHook" for this etching.

: But not the wristguard.

: Great!



: Huzzah!
...
I want another try.

: Marvelous!

...

: A little jiggery-hookery... Got it!
...
Got it! x 6
...
I'll just swap these hooks back.

With the help of the "iHook"...



: Blimey, I don't know how you did that! Here's yer lovely rainbow scarf.

: Thanks, it's pretty.

One more piece of the puzzle left to find. Somewhat later at Widebeard Tower...

: Methinks a brilliant disguise is in order.



: Why it's Angelo Lightfoot, pilot extraordinaire!

: Angelo, is that you?

: Si, si, it is I.

: Oh thank goodness! A horrible girl told us you weren't coming.

: Damn that gorgeous liar!

: I'm so glad you're here! I've had my hair done special, like.

: It cascades from your skull like the milk from a coconut. A shaved coconut, of course.

: Oh Angelo, you have such a way with words.

: It was always my dream to be a poet.

: Really?

: Si, but as a young man my father forbade it. He wanted me to join the family trade and be a...
Pig wrestler.

: How extraordinary!

: I could have been the greatest pig wrestler in Naples too.

: What happened?

: I... fell into a well.

: Really?

: I'm alright now.
...

I must fly. I shall return in twelve seconds. A presto!

...

: Nee way am I climbing into that death-trap. Look it - that part isn't even colored in!

So we bang on the pipe with a rock...





: Angelo!

: I am in the pilots seat, and ready for launch.

: "Buona fortuna" my darling!

: Um... sure.

: If the nodding dog gets in your way, put it in the glove compartment.

: Si... I will.

: Ready for launch...
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
...
Oh yes...

Hortense pulls the launch rope...





: Has it worked?

: I think so... He should be back any moment.



: Angelo!

: I have returned!
Angelo Lightfoot: he has circumnavigated the globe!

: Oh, how marvelous! I always knew I had a knack for aeronautics.



: Oh, of course.

: Grazie, signora. And now I must fly...
Arrivederci!

: Do you have to leave so soon?

: Y-yes.





: I am delighted to say that the record attempt was an unalloyed success!

: "Unalloyed" you say?

: Yes, and you said it couldn't be done, you little naysayer.

: Well, I've learned a valuable lesson...

: You won't make the mistake of underestimating Hortense Crocket.

: Next time?

: This is just the beginning of aeronautical projects for the DLA. The sky's the limit! Strike that... the stars!

: Well I look forward to the launch of your wicker Moon Lander.

: Have you been looking at our plans?

: What was Angelo like?

: Marvelous, simply marvelous. His eyes steely and piercing. His voice bold and musical.

: His moustache?

: Full and luxuriant, like a hairy Zeus.

: See you on the flip side.

: The flip side of what?

: Good question.

At the Store of Babylon, voucher firmly in hand:


: Can I pay for a Saucy Sue with this gift voucher?

: Absolutely.

: It's for a friend.

: What size does your "friend" take?

: Oh... she's about the same size as the Baroness.

: Really? You hide it well, darling, I'll give you that. The XL Saucy Sues are in the grotto. Head down past the furry clapping-irons and rum-flavoured body paint.

: Okay... Here's my voucher.
...
Well, I've got a Saucy Sue.



...



: I told you, I won't accept any rum-rags you may have to offer.

: But it's perfect-

: Poppycock, I'll never accept fashion advice from a pirate.

Time for another brilliant disguise.



: Ciao, Baroness Widebeard.



: I was sitting in my penthouse eating soft cheese out of a silver dish... when I sensed you were in a fashion crisis.

: I am!

: Never fear, I have an item of clothing to replace those tired old knickers.

: You have? Is it cutting-edge, daring, and scandalous?

: Si, si!

: Then give it here!
...
Oh, it's fabulous. It's so outrageous, it's just what I was searching for.

: I'm thrilled you like it.

: I'm going to put this on right this instant! I can't bear to wear unfashionable underthings a moment longer!

: Excuse me, I'm just going to retreat to a safe distance.

...



...

: My eyes! It burns!

...


: The Baroness left her skanky pants on the clothes rail in the boutique.



: Will my natural thievery overcome my instinct NOT to touch the Baroness's knickers?
...
Yoink!
...
Apparently, yes.

With our items combined, we have:



Join us next time as we lead the Leprechaun rebellion.