Part 4: Plush-RestLast time we saw Kent, he was finished loitering around the Plush-Rest factory and had finally summoned the courage to go inside. Will he manage to fluke a job? Let's find out!
Once you enter the factory you end up in a little room with this door in front of you. There's some weird bug where if you don't move before trying to open the door, it just freezes up until you alt-tab out. It might just be in DOSBox. Or perhaps Kent is getting cold feet.
Kent checks out the receptionist, who for no good reason appears to be sitting on a tribal African totem carving of some sort.
Bizarre. I'm convinced that they rotate to face me, like paintings in a horror movie.
Kent isn't kidding, haha. At least Gremlin had a sense of humour about the limitations of their sprites.
The receptionist has the tackiest grandma sweater/leather miniskirt/stockings combo ever going on here. Kent decides to initiate conversation, but inexplicably introduces himself with a transparently fake name.
Hey, my name's Harry Zontal. I've seen a few ads for a job in the Test Department here. It seems like the dream ticket I've been waiting for! Could you send Mr. Brinkler to see me please?
I'm sorry to be, er... personal, Mr, er... Zontal, but you seem to be a little on the slim side. I must refuse your application on behalf of Mr. Brinkler. Thank you for your, er... time and... interest.
"Also that name is plainly bogus."
Kent is not beaten though!
Can you read, Ms.? My T-Shirt proclaims in large and garish letters the nature of my stature.
I think perhaps you are trying to unsettle me from my precarious perch on the highest twigs of sanity. Your T-Shirt bears no message at all. Good day.
Hahaha you fucking idiot Kent.
Yes, that's right Kent, put on the shirt before trying to be all smart.
And if it doesn't work (most likely because you announced your plan out loud right in front of her) at least you can get laughed at on the long walk back to your apartment!
Kent tries again.
Hi, I'm interested in the job of furniture testing. Could you arrange an interview for me? Mr. Brinkler is the name I've been given.
You look a little, how can I put this, slim. Our testers pride themselves on their corpulence. I'm not sure you would fit in.
Can you read, Ms.? My T-Shirt proclaims in large and garish letters the nature of my stature.
Ah, yes, that will do nicely. One cannot argue with the written word. "I am Fat". Indeed you are. I'll page Mr. Brinkler right away.
If only Kent had bothered to write "I will receive double pay at all times" he could really have cashed in with this bright spark.
Mr. Brinkler, there is an interviewee to see you.
Show him through then.
Please go through to the Plush-Rest Hospitality Niche. Make yourself comfortable. Mr. Brinkler will be along presently.
Kent is fortunate to live in the only city in the world where the average citizen is even less competent than he is.
Displaying his usual lack of ability to follow simple instructions, Kent instead mills about looking at advertisements on the wall.
"For an electrifying evening in front of the TV.." What? This is a joke, right? They can't make electric chairs?
To be fair, this probably would be an improvement on Kent's couch.
Out the door...
And through to the Hospitality Niche...
A pot of petunias. The interior design in this room is faultless.
What the hell would you know about interior design, Kent? I bet you'd say the same thing if this was a javelin jammed into the table.
Kent continues to pretend he is a cultured individual.
Very nice! I could get to like working here.
I guess plant life is a step up from the rampant mould in Kent's apartment.
What's that big fiery thing hitting the sea?
Kent's mind immediately flashes to burnt toast.
Trying to get Kent to pick the painting up evokes the whining response:
That would be theft!
Now watch as Kent proceeds to not give a damn about theft ever again for the remainder of the game.
It's one of those 3-d pictures made out of dots. Do you get them? I never do!
There are a lot of things you don't get, Kent.
I love the image of Kent lasciviously flashing his pearly whites at the girl on the poster.
This poster seems out of place amonst the high tech wizardry in this room.
Yes, like the flowers, the shrubs, the paintings...
Hmm.. I could really do with a nice cup of chilled water.
Kent is less than impressed with the water machine though.
Kent's one to talk. At least it doesn't have any paint in it.
These cups are terrible. As soon as you pick it up it goes all squashy and leaks water down your arm.
God damn it man, Why are you unable to perform even the simplest of tasks without making a mess
If only there was some kind of profession where your propensity to ruin everything you come into contact with was appreciated.....
What the fuck is that.
Coffee Machine (1:03) - Bored of pretending to be a respectable human being, Kent decides to try his hand at being an art critic. Of course he manages to fuck even that up and adds the Hospitality Niche to his ever-growing list of destroyed rooms.
Fortunately, Mr. Brinkler isn't upset with us destroying his Hospitality Niche.
You certainly know how to make an impact, don't you? I'd like to be the first to congratulate you on getting a job in the prestigious Plush-Rest Test Department. I haven't seen such finely-honed destructive skills as yours since old Gordon "Smasher" Hodgson worked here, and he could break things in his sleep - literally! I think that you will fit in here just fine. Follow me and I'll take you to our cosy little Test Department. There you can have a look around.
2:1 odds the Test Department is no longer inhabitable in five minutes time.
This conversation is actually fairly long. This and the Dai conversation last update are probably the two largest pieces of dialogue in the game.
Well, Mr. Brinkler, Sir, I'm, er... glad to...
PLEASE, call me Tiddler. Everyone around here does. It helps to create the kind of "Working family atmosphere" you'll come to appreciate. Now, tell me why did you apply for this job? What have you got to offer us?
Wait, "Tiddler"? Kent can't let that one go.
How come they call you Tiddler? Are you a bit short on something?
I think it's eye runny, or something like that! Tell you a secret boy... I've never really understood it myself.
Why wouldn't you just spell it "irony" instead of that retarded phonetic spelling? I tell you, speaking to the general populace of Neutropolis is really making me appreciate Kent a whole lot more than I should.
Meanwhile, of course, Kent recognises that he has no actual skills to offer, so he tries to bluff his way through, like always.
Er... I like to use furniture on a daily basis. I've always been interested in its construction, and its, er... components.
Well, we here at the Test Department are more interested in its DE-construction, if you get my drift? Don't worry about the components though.
Why have we no need to worry about the components, Mr. B... Tiddler?
Well we have what we call Waste Engineers employed here, at Paul Nystalux's own expense, mind you; to make sure that the place is always kept spotless. They don't seem to like anyone messing about with broken furniture.
That seems a bit strange. Kent pushes the point a bit further.
What exactly are Waste Engineers?
They're the guys who make sure that none of the stuff we bust is left around for more 'n a minute. They're a division of the Norm Trooper Army.
Why is that?
Not sure really. Maybe it's an insurance thing. Splinters and such can be deadly I understand. Leader Paul makes the orders. We just follow 'em.
So they are Norms? Something very fishy is going on around here!
No, son. You came here to destruct test furniture. If it's fish you want, try the M.I.N.T. Mall. I hear they're having a sale at the moment.
Tiddler So they've got the army monitoring broken furniture at a factory? Why not just take over the whole damn factory and then they wouldn't have to worry about it? Paul Nystalux sounds like just as big an idiot as the rest of these damn morons.
I seem to have broken quite a lot of furniture myself today. I found some strange stuff amongst the debris. Perhaps that's why they like to get it out of the way quickly?
Of course, Kent just blurts this out, right in the factory where the army is trying to prevent people from rummaging through their broken furniture. Kid is as streetwise as a fucking toddler.
What kind of stuff did you find?
I discovered a couple of gizmos. I don't know what they do though. All I can hear is a strange whispering noise when I hold it close to my ear. Here, listen...
Kent says "a couple" because I was supposed to find one in the couch in the Hospitality Niche, but didn't because as long as I'm controlling Kent he's staying the fuck away from couches from now on.
Oh yes, I've got it. Maybe it's a device for making a strange whispering noise. No... hand on. On second thoughts I feel a little weird when you hold it up close. Maybe it's a relaxation device, son. Ooh, I'm feeling sort of drained. I aint never seen one before, and that's how good our waste engineers are!
Why would Paul, our, er... glorious leader be interested in a furniture factory? Especially the handling of waste?
I don't know. I never really thought about that. All I know is that since the day when his brother died, Paul has been interested in furniture. That's when he took over the company's affairs.
Clearly we're not going to get anything useful out of this dude. Kent decides to blow him off.
Thanks for all that.
Go and have a look round, kid. It's a bit quiet today, but I can't go into that. Take as long as you like. Oh, and don't break anything. There's a spot of trouble concerning that particular aspect. Right, I'm off to a meeting.
Tiddler's last few sentences refer to the fact that all the Plush-Rest testers are currently on strike, so in fact there is no testing of furniture being done at all. It's not important, other than to give an excuse why everyone just stands around instead of actually working, I suppose.
Judging by all those winking lights, I'd say that there is an alarm on this case. "Touch this and die!" Charming!
I was going to comment about them placing some broken, mouldy old furniture in an alarmed case, but now that I think of it I haven't seen anything else of actual value around here that might go in there.
It's a weighing machine. The SMALLEST weight is 250 pounds!
This place's health insurance premium must be sky high.
They literally have hamburgers here in case of emergencies, or "Snack Attacks" Kent informs us.
Nice little radio. The tuning knob's missing though. Looks like it's opera or nothing. It's using a current receiver, plugged into the back. Might be why it sounds terrible.
Kent says it's opera, but it's literally just a guy mumbling and then screaming out "LA!" occasionally. I'm not even joking.
Kent swipes the current receiver and current sender. But Kent, that would be theft!!
This must be Paul Nystalux. Weird-looking guy, isn't he?
Weird-looking is right. He looks like someone took to Colonel Sanders with a fucking taser.
Time to get to work! Or not get to work, since we're apparently all on strike. Oh well.
I tried to get Kent to head back to the Hospitality Niche to grab that other gizmo, but it seems he fucked the room up so bad it had to be shut down. It will not reopen for the remainder of the game. Way to go, dipshit!
I love the way the stern-faced Norm guy just stands there instead of doing something about the huge banner inducing workers to walk out on their job.
This guy looks like he means business!
Unfortunately, the Norm won't let Kent go downstairs. Kent decides to try his best approximation of smooth talking, by which I mean whining incessently.
Why won't you let me past? Why can't I go in there? Mr. Brinkler said I could look around.
What is that in there? Could I just have a peek? I promise I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret. Please?
Where do I get a badge then? Oh, never mind! I didn't want to go in there anyway!
You might think that this will be revisited later. We'll find a badge somewhere, and it will allow us access to a new area. And you'd be half right. We do get our hands on a Norm badge at one point in the future, at which time Kent refuses to actually show it to this Norm. This room is a total red herring. There isn't even any reason for this Norm to be here. He only has one word of dialogue in the entire game. I wonder which poor shmuck was cast to voice him?
In a show of defiance Kent breaks his golden rule and swipes the battery right in front of the Norm. Sure, it looks like he's looking away from the battery but since he's a sprite, he's actually looking at wherever Kent is at any given moment. So you know he saw Kent do it.
Geez, this is heavy! I can just manage it!
Of course Kent still whinges about having to carry the battery, even as he's blatantly robbing the factory in front of a senior army figure.
Upstairs this lardass is asleep on some kind of electric bed. I should really look into one of these "testing" jobs myself!
Why is everything around this town graffitied? I thought everyone was supposed to be "normal" and just sat at home watching TV all the time? Also, there is no way Kent or anyone else wants any action with anyone working in this sweatshop.
Kent looks on in awe at a bed that isn't completely wrecked.
Just what are these beds supposed to be anyway? Kent checks out the manual conveniently lying on the floor nearby.
A bed that puts you to sleep for a specified number of hours? I'm sure that'll never be abused. "I've been asleep for 800 hours?! Oh, you guys got me again!"
I think this guy's got the right idea: If you have a problem, sleep right through it.
Hahaha, at least Kent is finally admitting to being the lazy asshole that he is.
All this hard work is giving Kent a thirst. He decides to head off to the kitchen, helpfully signposted by the requisite graffiti.
Will Kent find a tasty snack that isn't a stale old hamburger? Will he ever actually perform any testing? Why are we even here again? Same time, same place tomorrow, folks!