Part 17: My waistline is demure but enticing!Music: Plain of Rumille
The Chairman Evil King has fled to the Escapeless Abyss in the Rumille Plains. And so we give chase!
We head south, and then turn to the east immediately after crossing the bridge.
Really? This is coming from a guy who doesn't even notice his own slave under his very nose until he transforms, so...
Ugh, well, that's, umm, that's because this silly, lazy slave was sleeping! It's all your fault, slave! You, slave, slave, slave!
I have never understood this exchange. I can only imagine it was completely butchered in translation. It's like they're referencing a scene that never happened.
Did I give you permission to abuse my servant? I think not.
But don't you think it's strange? I thought the Chairman Evil King liked modern sophisticated things. But then he secludes himself in a place like this once he has his back against the wall. I suppose at his core he's still an Evil King.
Humph! Enough about Evil Kings' habits! Hey, I'm a Hero! I'm only here to hunt down and beat Evil Kings, wherever they may be!
Oh boy, the woman's brain has a clog. Seems all the nutrients that should've gone to her head did a b-line to her waist!
What did you say about my waist? My waistline is demure but enticing! Why, you spatula-face!
I order you, settle down! Fools! This is a haunt of an Evil King! Be serious! Come, Ari! You lead the way, go!
And so we enter the Escapeless Abyss.
Music: Escapeless Abyss
The Escapeless Abyss is the most confusing second dungeon I've seen in a video game. If you're ever at a loss for what's going on, try using the minimap to help you get your bearings.
The first room introduces a new mechanic. As you can see, there's a magic circle on the floor.
There's also a sealed door blocking our way forward. If we step in the circle...
The circle opens the door, and we may proceed into the next room!
But before we get into the meat and potatoes of this dungeon, here's a quick rundown of the kinds of enemies we'll face here.
Music: Normal Battle (Disadvantage Ver.)
We've got the always cheerful Tough Golems, which are lightning enemies. Like most enemies in this game, they don't do anything interesting.
Systematic Gears are the happiest gears you'll ever see. They use charge and then you kill them before they get another chance to attack. Oh well.
And often paired with Systematic Gears is the Capricious Screw! They aren't dangerous, but they sure are adorable!
While fighting these dudes, Ari hit level 12 and learned Blaze Sword. Our party can now cover every element, so we can always hit the enemy's weakness.
This screenshot is also a prime opportunity to complain about Okage's menu problems. As you can see, the Special Menu displays every single skill every one of your party members has on one single page, instead of dividing it by character like every single other RPG I've ever played. It doesn't even tell you who knows which spell. It's kind of messy and can make it annoying to find a specific spell, since you have to dig through two other characters' spell lists. But I digress, let's get on with the dungeon.
Music: Escapeless Abyss
The next room has a staircase to B2. The Escapeless Abyss introduces another concept as well: dungeon floors with multiple staircases. Every floor has one staircase that's gated off until you've killed every Urn, but it may also have staircases that aren't gated, allowing you to traverse multiple levels without clearing out all the Urns on a floor.
From the entrance to Floor B2 (represented on the map as a white staircase), we head right and find another open downward staircase. We ignore it for now though, because if I don't follow a specific route in this place I immediately get completely lost.
Across from that staircase, we find our first Urn.
The Escapeless Abyss has Sparky Urns.
Like most Urns, his attacks are not a threat.
My strategy for taking these guys out is to have Ari exploit his weakness with Blaze Sword, and to make Rosalyn and Kisling pair up with physicals. The Urns go down in a couple turns this way.
In the same room as the Urn, we can see a pit and an upwards staircase. Ignoring the pit for now, we head back upstairs to Floor B1.
This floor has a couple of sealed doors, as well as another Urn which we promptly take out.
An adjacent room contains Floor B1's closed staircase. It'll be important to come back here later, but for now we continue exploring B1.
Across from the staircase is a magic circle. We step on it, and...
And here is why the Escapeless Abyss is so confusing. A door opened somewhere! Where? Fuck if I know! It shows you the door open, but it cuts straight to it and straight back to Ari instead of panning the camera or something, so your only hints on which door opened are the walls around it, which happen to use exactly the same texture as every other wall in the dungeon.
I'm pretty sure this is the door that opened. And right on the other side is...
A pit. If you don't know it's here, you'll almost definitely run straight into it because the camera obscures it until you've already passed through the door.
There's also an Urn in the room, which we take care of.
And after taking care of the Urn, we run straight into the pit.
You feel in a trap hole. Looks like you're on a new floor.
We end up in a new part of B2, right next to an Urn.
There's nothing else in this room aside from another pit, so we drop down after defeating the Urn.
We end up in a large square room in B3. We kill the Urn in the middle, and head off to a side room.
The side room contains yet another Urn, and a magic circle. We kill the Urn and step on the circle, opening two doors.
Branching off from the room we were just in is a small hallway with a room on either end of it. This room contains an Urn and a sealed door.
The opposite room brings us back up to B2.
And we're back by the entrance. I take this opportunity to head up to B1 and heal and save with the book by the entrance.
We return to the larger part of B2. This time, instead of going up the stairs, we drop down the pit.
We drop into B3, in a room to the side of the large room we were in before. We kill a nearby Urn, and...
That's the last of the Urns on floor B3.
There's also a magic circle nearby. We step on it and open the door to...
...A staircase that brings us back up to B2.
That staircase brings us to this isolated room which contains nothing but an Urn. We kill the Urn and return to B3.
One of the many magic circles we stepped on opened the door in this room on the southern end of B3. The room on the other side contains yet another staircase to B2.
This room only exists to bridge B3 and B1. We continue upwards.
The staircase drops us off beside yet another Urn. We kill it and...
Destroyed all the Urns. The door to the next floor has opened.
We've destroyed the last of the Urns on B1. After killing the Urn, we touch a magic circle, which opens a door and loops us back around to here:
The green staircase in the northeast corner of the map is B1's sealed staircase, which we just opened.
B1's sealed staircase brings us down here. We lay the smackdown on this Urn.
And with that, we've destroyed the last of this dungeon's Urns. The B2 sealed staircase is directly across from the Urn we just killed.
It brings us to a room on B3 containing two chests and the sealed staircase.
The chests contain a Bountiful Nut and a Ghostologos, a weapon for Kisling. After we grab the chests, we head down the stairs.
All set, Ari? Are you ready in both body and mind?
Now, let's be off!
Music: The President Evil King
What's so funny? You can't run or hide, Evil King of Chairmen! Prepare to make this place your grave!
Hey, lady, what's wrong with your hearing? Like I said, I've resigned as the chairman. I'm a former Chairman Evil King, get it? Well, it doesn't matter. I didn't run away, though. I led you here. Let me tell you something. In business, it is "Profit by the land, profit by the people, profit by the heavens..."
Let's just trounce this buffoon and be done with it!
Gwa ha ha! Shame on you. What I'm trying to say is that I'm much stronger than you think. I'm also much smarter than you folks. Much, much, smarter! Ha ha ha! don't believe me? Fine! Come and get me then!
Former Chaiman Evil King, though you've resigned, you're still evil in that spirit-sucking corporate way... But you cannot conquer the world with that alone. No one can rule the world unless he can inspire true fear in others. Isn't that right, Stan?
Kisling, why, maybe you're not some quck after all. That's exactly what I've been saying! See, slave, Kisling gets it! Why can't you? Ha ha ha ha! I'm right again!
What a ridiculous fool to be so pompous when they weren't even your own words! What a stupid Evil King!
Here, now, is the crucial battle. I order you all, fight well! I am keeping my eyes on you, Ari.
Boss: Chairman Evil King
Music: Evil King Battle
This boss is hard. The Chairman Evil King himself is a chump, but the four Steel Armors he's paired with should not be taken lightly.
First, they can cast Rage to boost a single ally's attack power.
They can also cast Super Shield, which raises their entire party's defense.
If they all gang up on one person, then it's over for them. If that one person is Ari, then you're screwed.
So our first order of business is to use Rosalyn to lower the Steel Armors' attack power.
After that, Rosalyn focuses her turns on casting Frost on the Steel Armors. They're fire elemental, so they're weak to it.
Kisling spends his turns chucking Frost Bottles. Frost Bottles cost 10 HP and are basically a Frost attack. When you use an elemental bottle, it may or may not break, so you can potentially get several casts from one item.
Ari spends his time alternating between Overdrive and Burst. Once you take care of the Steel Armors, the Chairman Evil King isn't much of a threat.
He casts Drain, which hits an ally for roughly 50 HP, and heals him for 50. The Chairman Evil King will always regain 50 HP, even if his target takes more or less damage.
He can also punch you for damage in the mid-20s. Once his armors are taken care of, we take him out swiftly.
Everyone levels up and Kisling learns a speed buff.
Music: Shadow Contest
Good. Another step towards becoming the Great Evil King! So, Former Chairman Evil King! Ha ha ha ha! How's this for the power of the real Evil King!
Well, um, you don't really think you can kid us with that, do you?
Oh? Not working, huh? Really? Gwa ha ha ha! Just kidding. I had to have some fun with it! But, actually something is strange. For so many years now, I thought I only cared about making money. And I worked very hard for my evil business ventures. But one day, for some reason, I felt this urge to spread rumors about heroes. Even though I knew that I wasn't going to make a penny off of it. Completely out of character. I used to think conquering the world wasn't for me. I want to own the world, not conquer it. But something made me forget all of that. Made me obsessed with things I'd never cared about. Come to think of it, I have no idea why I ended up in this cave. Don't know how or why I'm here anymore. It seemed really clear just a few minutes ago. I don't understand. Not at all.
Hmmm... Mr. Ex-Former Chairman Evil King, does the "deepest end of the sewer" mean anything to you?
Oh, yes. I don't know why, but I had the feeling that something was at the deepest end of the sewer. Yes, I'm certain that I was dreaming of being there when I was close to conquering the world...
Oh you were dreaming about it!? No wonder you couldn't perform much evil. You have to get out there and do! But anyway, hey, you, slave! Despite beating three Evil Kings, my magic power is still not at its peak. That means there are more false Evil Kings out there. So...Why don't I have information on where they are!? They must be hiding from me. But why? Come on, speak up! Speak your mind!
Maybe they're on vacation.
Maybe you smell.
How stupid can a human get! Stupid, stupid, stupid human!
Hush! You self-proclaimed Evil King! How dare you abuse my servant! But it does seem, so long as we can see from the "Map o'Evil Kings" that there are other Evil Kings... Then somehow, we shall have to hunt them down and get them. My, I find this quite a pleasure.
Um, Your Highness. "A pleasure"? But it's us who will be doing the actual fighting.
Ahem! Well, let's ask the loser Ex-Evil King here. Is there anything you know what you can tell us?
Oh, yeah, about the other Evil Kings. Well, I don't know their specific locations or forms. But I do have some information I can give you. Welk a little ways from here, and you'll find a strange statue. They say that there is a "Transverse Tunnel."
"Transverse Tunnel"? And what could that be?
Oh, so even the royalty doesn't know. They say that it is a path for supplying materials and workers.
I've never used it myself, though.
I see. So, you're saying that if we wait there, there is a possibility of other Evil Kings showing up. But if it were such an important pathway, wouldn't you need a special device or key to get in?
Gwa ha ha! Ever the scholar! Yes, and I have the device. I will give it to you, Your Highness. But only if you promise to let me go home from here safely!
Fine. I shall promise. Rosalyn, is that acceptable with you, too?
Yes. To be honest, I pity Evil Kings after I beat them. They seem more powerless than ordinary ghosts...
Oh lady, so you pity me? You know, I'd rather you love me. What do you say? We'd make a cute couple.
Now, that is enough. So then, Ex-Evil King, you may leave here after leaving the key with us.
Oh, thank you, Your Highness! This is the key to the Transverse Tunnel. Here you go.
Ari acquired "Miniature Statue"!
Huh? Hey, you just dropped something else. Isn't this another important item?
Huh? What is it? Oh, this. This is nothing. This is just something I've had ever since I can remember being bad. I haven't the slightest idea what it's used for. If you want it, take it. Just being generous. Aren't I a swell guy?
Ari acquired "Bell Tube"!
Well, then I'll be on my way. Going home to do an honest job of being a loan shark! Gwa ha ha ha!
Hmmm. I wonder if I did the right thing.
He is now nothing but an insignificant villain. No one I shall be concerned about.
Thus, I grant you the honor of shining my shoes! Hurry up and get moving!
Yes, Your Highness.
Do I get to scuff 'em first?
But I am joking. I recognize that you have fought well in your own way. I honor you. So then, Ari, back to town we go. I am rather hungry!
But...the road ahead is still long for the self-proclaimed Evil King, the selfish Princess, the Hero with her parasol and the ghost Professor...and for this most unlucky boy...