The Let's Play Archive


by really queer Christmas

Part 25: TRASH

Update 25: TRASH

See You Tomorrow

Our tour through Faraway starts by heading back to Basil's house to visit his neighbor - Wrinkly Forehead guy.

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: Sigh... I even bought him a cake...

Aww... Well, let's see what we can do about this.

Knocking doesn't do anything, but if you knock 2 more times...

...Is that an arcade system?? This kid has everything he could want!

Oh... Hey! Jesse, was it? We're... uh... We're friends of your dad...

He asked us to call you down to the living room for cake!

HEADPHONES KID: Dad is friends with a bunch of teenagers? So weird...

Finally! Someone calls us out on it! Kid, did you know we have keys to like 5 homes at this point? And all we had to do was just listen to people on the sidewalk.

What's with the sour face? Isn't it your birthday today? Why don't you come down to celebrate? Your dad even got you a cool present!

HEADPHONES KID: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I told Dad not to do anything for me! Just tell him to return everything and get out of my room!

Hey! I don't think I like your attitude... What do you have against your dad!?

HEADPHONES KID: ... Sigh... you see all this cool stuff I have here? I... I got all this stuff from Mom. Mom doesn't live here anymore, but she sends me stuff like this all the time... But Dad... Dad isn't up to date with all the trends... Whatever he gets won't be as good as what I already have. So... whatever he gets is just a waste of his money...

But... he's doing all this for you because he wants to! You should go down and celebrate. It'll mean more to him than you know!


Just go!

HEADPHONES KID: Hey! What are you doing!?

You're being like this because you care about him, right!? He's doing all this because he cares about you, too!

If you're going to be leaving him hanging, then he at least deserves an explanation!

Now go to the living room and talk to him! I won't let you sit in this chair until you do!

HEADPHONES KID: Hmph... You're so pushy... But... I guess I'll go see Dad...

Wow, Kel... That was really mature of you...

You think so?

Yeah... I can tell you've really grown up. I guess this means you're not a kid anymore.

Awww... Why not? Adults are no fun... Kids have it way better!

...Nevermind... Forget I said anything...

We've only just gotten Hero back, but real life Kel is currently running away with best character in the game right now.

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: I know we don't have much, but... I went and got you something that I though you'd like... Here you go! It's some new game called Super Ultra Sprout Mole Eater - Revenge of the Moles III!

HEADPHONES KID: Dad... You didn't have to...

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: I don't really understand all these new gizmos, but I thought you might like it!

HEADPHONES KID: Dad... I... I don't have the right game console for this...

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: Game... console? Ahh... Sorry, I don't understand...


WRINKLY FOREHEAD: Son! I know things have been hard without your mother... but I want you to know that I'm here for you too!

HEADPHONES KID: Dad! Stop worrying about me! I'm doing fine! Just worry about yourself!

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: Even if I can't get you things as nice as your mother... you can't blame me for trying, right? Everytime I see you, I just think about how fast you're growing up... One day when you're older... you're probably not going to need me at all anymore... so just let me be a part of your life for now, okay?

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: It's strawberry... your favorite...

HEADPHONES KID: It's... It's okay, Dad... I don't mind eating it here.

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: Oh! Are you sure? You usually take your food to your room...

HEADPHONES KID: ... Sniff... sniff... Dad... I... I'm sorry...

WRINKLY FOREHEAD: W-What is it, son!? A-Are you okay? Did I do something wrong!?

HEADPHONES KID: N-No... I'm fine... Thanks for the gift, Dad... I... sniff... I really like it...

The guy gives us a slice of cake as a reward... but the true reward is that scene. Cliche? Yes. Did I still tear up? Also yes.


Directly next door is the Fashionable mom standing on her driveway, I wonder what she wants...?

FASHIONABLE MOM: Bah! He's always so slow with these things! I wish someone would tell him to hurry up... I don't have all day!

Wait... I think we met your son earlier... he was the one about to vomit over having to choose a floor lamp... We'll uh, take on this quest.

Before that, finishing off on Basil's street, we can check on the Artist again... though we aren't here for her. And no, we aren't here for the dog... though I do pet the dog and get some trash from it. No, we're here because a previously empty room has an occupant now.

Turns out, this is Angel's home! Hiya Angel!

Oh... It's just you guys. Hey, wait a sec! Fufufu... Now is the perfect time to challenge you two to a rematch! Ready or not, here I come!

It's the Angel fight again, Hero doesn't tag in to make it fair I suppose. Anyway, you know how this ends.

Something I did try in this fight was getting Kel to encourage Sunny and then got Sunny to focus before attacking and... I don't think that's worth it. Kel does 30 damage a turn, and Sunny does about 15-20. So I had to give up a whole round of attacking to get maybe 10 more damage out of it? Granted, Kel can just attack every turn now and Sunny gets to triple his damage by sacrificing one turn. So eh, I guess it's worth it.

Sure you were, buddy. Fighting him wasn't the reason we came here though...

This is why.

You're biting way more than you can chew! Come on, Saucy-K! Let's show them who's the stronger one here!

Clash of Jash

Jash Bash

Saucy-K's bandana owns, his choice in battle needs some work though.

Saucy only uses scissors so... good ol' rock, nothing can beat rock!

Sniff... You bully!

It's not my fault you don't know how to press the left or right buttons! By the way... do you notice that book on Angel's nightstand?

That's right - Angel has his own version of Foe Facts: Foe Factx.

With some of the best artwork the devs put into the game. :allears:

Guess we figured out who defaced Kel's driveway.

Sunny really does come off as a psycho if you don't know what's going on. Just shows up for the first time in four years and stabs someone like he's in an RPG.

Thank you for creating... :allears:

There's nothing to do on Aubrey's street, but... there's something interesting you can do if you head to the church. Kel mentioned that Hero has never been to Mari's grave... so maybe we should take him there?

...Oh. Well that's a portrait I hope to never see on Hero again. Hero's so good at being stoic that when he does express emotion, it hits much harder than Kel or even Aubrey.

Hmm, looks like Kim and Vance are home. Sure, we've fought with them like 2 of the 4 times we've interacted with them. But hey, we've got Hero with us so surely he can diffuse any potential fights...

Munch... munch... munch... Oh, hey. What's up?

Huh? You're so calm... Aren't you going to challenge us to a fight or something?

Hmm... no, I don't really have beef with any of you. Me and Kim just always do the same stuff together. I'm only one year older than her, but no one believes me because of my beard... She's a lot of talk, but she's got a big heart. And me? I got some big muscles.

And yet, she's the scary one in battle...

Ah! Grumble... grumble... Ugh... it's just you two... What makes you think you can barge into people's rooms like this!? You must've made friends with my mom, huh? She lets in anyone who listens to her talk...

Well at least it's not just us that she just grants access to her home for. That makes it less weird.

Hmm... another scooter in front of the old lady's home. She mentioned she has a young daughter... so who could it be?

Charlene? I thought your name was Charlie this whole time!

Hiya, Charlene! I'm Kel... and this is Sunny and Hero!

CHARLENE: ...Hello... everyone... Hehe...


Always good to make friends with people.

There's noone at the park besides the usual guests, so straight to the plaza. First off, we're going to feed that cat another piece of fish.

Nice! You have to feed the cat 4 times to get this item. There's a guy in the corner at the pizza place who needs an arcade piece to fix the machine, so we'll go give that to him.

GLASSES MAN: Alright, cool! Now let's see here... There you go... good as new! Here, take this CD as thanks! I bought it at Hobbeez last week, but forgot I already had a copy at home... Now, if you'll excuse me... I must... err... make sure this game works correctly...

The Glasses man gives us a devilish CD, it's from a band hailing from Upstate New York - you probably haven't heard of them. Now then, since we're here, there's a lady we've met before that we really need to talk to.

PONYTAIL LADY: Sigh... Maybe I've been too tough on him lately. He has been gaining some weight recently, and I've been really nagging him about that. I've been trying to put him on a diet, but I'm afraid that he's taking it too personally... I just want him to take care of himself better! You know, maybe tonight can be an exception! We're celebrating 15 years of our marriage, after all! He's always raving about Gino's Pizza and how good it is... I'm thinking about buying a whole pizza for us to share as a family. Yes! It's okay to eat oily foods once in a while! Everything in moderation!

PIZZA MAN: Here you go! Please enjoy this delicious whole pizza!


Is there even any ingredients on this pizza? I'm pretty sure if I ordered a whole pizza they'd at least want to know the crust I want it on.

I had to go back and check and, sure enough, that guy was here at lunch time. Does he just eat here all the time?? I love pizza, but I'm not going to order a pizza for lunch and dinner for like two days straight.

Heading to the Othermart for a little bit as there's some things we need to do here. While here we run into Karen and Sean doing their shopping, may as well stop in and see how they're doing.

PIGTAILS LADY: Should I get something that is better quality or something with more quantity? How do I know which brand I should choose? Are green onions and red onions the same? Sigh... Maybe we should've just gotten delivery.

CHECKERS GUY: Hey, no need to stress about this, Karen. I believe in you! Besides... if no one else eats your food... you know at least I will!

PIGTAILS LADY: Oh, Sean... You're so sweet. What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?

...Is it rude to Un-RSVP? Maybe we can claim our stomach hurts like Basil did/does.

And here's why we came to the Othermart... Mr. Guy, Clumsy is in the candy store and we need to talk to him... if only to remind him of his anniversary.

CLUMSY GUY: I almost forgot that it was me and my wife's anniversary today... so here I am doing some last-minute damage control... Harhar... I know I've been goofing up recently, so I want to make sure that this gift really impresses her! Except... Like always... I have no idea what I'm doing... I think I'd accept any help at this point. Say... could you kids do me a favor and help me pick out a gift for my wife from the counter? Thanks in advance!

My dude, 15 years married and you forgot the anniversary. And you fix it by going to the candy store... and then getting indecisive over which piece of candy to bring home to her like a dog with your tail between your legs. But you did have enough time today to spend a couple hours deciding on a piece of pizza. You may need to get your priorities straight.

I chose the chocolate, but from some quick googling, it seems that any of the three candy types (Candy Apples, Chocolate, and... Candy) will work. Still, chocolate is the most romantic candy compared to like some gumballs or candy apples.

No, what would have impressed her would be if you committed to the diet, and lost a bunch of weight, and took her out for a nice dinner under a moonlit sky. Now you're just trying to make sure you don't sleep in a motel tonight.

CLUMSY GUY: SWEET!! Thanks for getting me out of a pinch again... This was cutting it way too close.

MISS CANDICE: Of course! Smiley, smiley! Thank you and please come again! Smiley, smiley!

CLUMSY GUY: Thanks for the help, kids! I'll be on my way now... Wish me luck!

Oh, we've GOT to see how this plays out.

I Just Love the 50s!!!

CLUMSY GUY: My love... It's our anniversary today, so I bought you... some chocolate!

PONYTAIL LADY: Oh! You actually remembered! Thank you, dear... This is so thoughtful of you... Actually, I have a gift for you too... It's a whole pizza from Gino's Pizza!

CLUMSY GUY: A whole pizza!? My love! You shouldn't have! This is the best gift I've ever received in my life!

PONYTAIL LADY: I... I thought you'd like it... I've been hard on you lately... So I thought your favorite food might cheer you up!

CLUMSY GUY: No... Don't be sorry, my love! I know you only want what's best for me! I'm sorry for being so difficult...

PONYTAIL LADY: Don't be silly, honey! I love you just the way you are! Let's have pizza today and tomorrow! How does that sound?

CLUMSY GUY: Oh, my love! You really mean that? You're so beautiful right now that I could kiss you!

PONYTAIL LADY: Oh, dear! You're making me blush...

Same. I can't believe the doomed romance that Sunny dreamed for Capt. Spaceboy and Sweetheart felt more real than that romance. Though, for what it's worth...

PONYTAIL LADY: As for the gift he gave me... He probably forgot, but we actually met at that candy store when we were teenagers. He bought me some chocolate then, too... Hehe... he said it was because I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. It was such a simple gesture, but his sincerity is what really attracted me to him. He's always been a bit aloof, but I can tell he really does care about me... I guess that's why it's okay if we sometimes disagree. Marriage is about compromise!

Okay, lucking out and choosing his first gift to her makes her gooey (pun intended). Granted, should he get points when even she admits he probably forgot?

CLUMSY GUY: Sniff... My wife is so thoughtful... I'm so lucky to have her. She even got me my favorite thing ever... I mean... other than her, of course... You know what? I'm so happy with how this day turned out... have a pizza slice! You really helped me out back there. Call me if you ever need anything. I owe you one!

His wife also gives us a slice of pizza, so we got two slices out of it! At least there's that. To summarize this whole storyline:


After such a heartwarming event (the warming is heartburn from the pizza), we head back to the plaza to go to the hardware store. We've got a couple things to do here, after all! First off, let's go find that guy who's not able to make a decision.

STRANGE MAN: Tell her to wait! I'm the one going out all this way to pick up this floor lamp that I don't even care about. Besides... she's so picky! I don't know why she doesn't just do it herself... Grr... What a trashy situation... These floor lamps are trash! You're trash!

Whoa, buddy. I saved a marriage, and reunited a father and son just today while you couldn't decide what color floor lamp to buy.

STRANGE MAN: Hey, you... If my mom wants her lamp so bad, why don't you get it for her!? I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO!!

Dude gives us $50 then bails. Is it just me or did it start to sound like a JRPG villain there? He just needed to talk about purifying this world of its imperfections and boom, solid end-boss material.

I guess if you're in dire need of money you can just pocket the dough the guy gives us... but if you do all the jobs you're basically rolling in money - just like all our boomer grandparents told us would happen.

And, while we're here, we get some flowers for Hero's mom. He gives us $10 for some $2 flowers, wow, what a nice guy!

Back in the flower section of the store, Mincy is hiding amongst some of the plants. Don't forget to talk to her, or you mess up the whole chain!

MINCY: Hey, guys. How's it going?

Hey, Mincy! Nothing much... Just hanging out, as usual. I see that you're drawing flowers this time!

MINCY: Yeah! There's so many different types of flowers, so I'm trying to draw one of each.

Amazing work, as always, Mincy! You should know that I'm your #1 fan! And Sunny is your #2 fan... probably! You can do this, Mincy! We're cheering you on!

MINCY: Yes! I can do it! Thank you, Kel! Thank you, Sunny!

While I don't care for the fact that Mincy has to be hunted down twice a day, her story is quite heartwarming. She's already got some confidence in her voice!

Before we head back to the burbs, there's... someone new in the park now.


BILLY: Yet... although we may be trash... As long as we remain biodegradable, we may yet be saved.

We... literally created a monster. What have we done???

Back at the hideout spot, there's a seashell hiding over here that we can pick up. We already have the seashell necklace from Cris, but hey, may as well see if we can turn more into her.

The only thing else of notice is this picnic basket, which creates a nice dimensional portal to depression. :smith:

Now, let's go tell that guy's mom that we created a JRPG villain.

FASHIONABLE MOM: Oh my, what a nice floor lamp! Thank you! You have impeccable taste! Hmm... but where is my son, Billy? Did he go on one of his tantrums and run off again?

You don't know the half of it, I'm afraid he's calling himself Billeroff and following some dude named Cumulus around. It's not good.

FASHIONABLE MOM: Sigh... He's so temperamental... I wish he wouldn't make such a big deal out of everything all the time. Anyway, you're very thoughtful for getting this lamp for me. Please come over any time! I make a mean cup of coffee!

Hmm... coffee you say? I'm always down for some coffee... except after like noon, I have enough sleeping problems as it is.

This house looks like one I'd make in the Sims. Right down to the pink linoleum only in the kitchen. The mom offers us some coffee, which hell yeah, let's get some.


Coffee gives a speed boost, same as in Headspace. Though, we're unlikely to get into any major battles for it to matter IRL.

Billy's room is filled with all recyclable materials, even sleeping in a sleeping bag. At least he's committed to his villainy. Investigating the other room...

Here's what you should do: Not whatever gets you closer to the freaking MAVERICK. Please have some standards!! Her big sister is in the back looking in the vanity, she's the one that just got back from college. Hopefully she helps the poor girl find a better crush, maybe Charles Manson?

We're almost done with day 2 activities. On our way back to Kel & Hero's house though, we run into THE MAVERICK staring at... what I assume is his house.

An evil presence huh? I guess we should intervene before you go in and get yourself hurt.


Well... this is kinda creepy. Why is the living room set up as a church meeting? Why are there so many religious idols everywhere? And why is there bread just sitting on a table!? The kitchen and dining room have a lot of candles (and even more bread), but otherwise nothing of note. Let's head into the bedroom areas.

That's a very nice picture of Jesus you have there, right above the bible and in between the religious statues, while being surrounded by candles. There's so many lit candles in this house, do they believe the Lord will intervene to put out the fire?


Checking the right side room, as we always do, gets us... uh this.

You guys sure know how to set the mood for freaking hide and seek. Ya'll made me thing I was about to get ambushed, yeah sure I'll play hide and seek to avoid that. We can check under tables, beds, and cabinets now - but everything in this room gives us nothing.

Pshh... you guys go to all that effort and do such a simple trick?


Yeah, yeah, yeah. :argh:

There's apparently a safe behind the painting... but we leave it alone since stealing from a house with this many Jesusus (Jesusi?) has to be a sin.

Heh heh, found you!

These kids are going to be the end of me. There's nothing in the kitchen or dining room... so that just leaves the one room we haven't checked...

One thing's for certain - this is definitely a teenage boy's room. Well, uh minus the wigs I guess. Or the eyes peering out from under the bed, I don't recall having one of those as a teen.

A TWIN: Haha! We got you good, didn't we!?


A TWIN: Hey, wait a second... You're not our darling little brother...

THE OTHER TWIN: Yes, Daphne... It is very... regrettable...

A TWIN: Sigh... We barely get any time off work... And when we do... Little Mikhael is never around to play with us anymore! It's unfair, isn't it Bowen?

THE OTHER TWIN: Life is so cruel...

A TWIN: Ho hum... You've got nothing?

THE OTHER TWIN: That's too bad...

So what can you do to entertain them? Why, pet rocks, of course!

Clash of Jash

Jash Bash

I really do love all the designs on these guys. For what it's worth, Papa Chip prioritizes rock but can use all choices. I got lucky and they chose rock twice and beat them. Regardless of whether you have the pet rock equipped or not, the dialogue meets here:

A TWIN: Come, brother. Let us think of more fun games to play.

THE OTHER TWIN: Goodbye, new friends. This has been... pleasant.

I was expecting great evil, so anything that didn't end with us in a dark room with a mirror in it is a victory in my opinion. It's worth mentioning that Daphne was the long haired twin, and Bowen is the short haired twin. It can be uh, confusing.

Sigh... my brother and sister are a real drag, aren't they? Everyone here is the same!

I mean, setting the house up as if it was haunted wasn't cool, but they seemed okay otherwise. Daphne mentions that Mik- THE MAVERICK, has sworn off bread since he was a kid and is very against the idea of helping to run the bakery. It helps flesh THE MAVERICK out a bit and make more sense as to how and why he acts the way he does.

Our final stop on our trip around town is Kel's other neighbors. The dad has lost the remote again, and remembers losing it in the bathroom... I guess this is why you have kids, to have their friends come over and get you things and tantalize them with achievements.

And there it is, hidden amongst the toiletries.

Imagine going to someone's house and only be able to get a drink from them if you do their chores. Hell, we have like 120 Washingtons at this point, we could buy the whole town an Orange Joe! If we go talk to Cris she just tells us she hopes we enjoy the necklace she made for us. Getting more than 3 seashells doesn't give any benefit, sadly.

We've explored all of Faraway again! There's really a lot of optional stuff to do in town, which is made even more amazing when you consider that even leaving Sunny's house is considered optional. Still, we've done everything there is to do... let's head on back inside Kel & Hero's house...